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Hi There and thanks again for your replies.
No, I have not heard from him. The last I heard from him was about a month ago when he reached out to say hi while he was in town.
I thought it was a rebound because when he comes here he spends 24/7 with me and then all of a sudden, I wasn’t there and that’s why I said before there had to be a void – and she was there to fill it. He was upset when we broke up – said he thought it was a mistake, and had a really hard time leaving. He always said he loved his time with me and when he wasn’t with me it’s all he thought about and he hated dragging me around while his life was so confusing and he couldn’t give me any answers. He lives in his head. I thought he broke up impulsively and then was like WTF did I just do… yet had to stick with his decision – and this new girl was right there.
Anyways – I know he is off work the last 2 weeks – the weeks while she’s out there visiting him so I certainly won’t be hearing from him right now. Who knows if I will in the future. It’s interesting, when I said I was going on a trip the weekend after we broke up – he seemed upset and it was the weekend she was posting pics of them out ‘exploring’. And then when he was in town recently I told him about an upcoming trip and asked if he finally got a vaca – he said he had nothing planned. He seemed to be so excited and curious about my trip – and then weeks later now he’s got this thing with this girl on a trip. You see what I mean about it seemingly being a distraction??
BUT if he’s such a commitment-phob, her constant tagging of him on social media (which I never did) and the fact that he’s now with her 24/7 for 2 solid weeks makes me wonder if they are either a) totally bonding and now in love and I am a mere distant memory or b) the rose colored glasses are coming off – cause that’s a lot of time to spend with someone with no breathing room when you like your ‘space’.
He’s either all about her and wasn’t into me nearly the same, or this is a rebound that he’s getting a lot of attention from and won’t last. The fact that she jumped right in and flew there to his hometown and stayed for so long is quite ballsy – that may turn him off but what do I know? For her it’s a big deal to have this experience – it’s overseas, yet for him it’s where he lives. Selfishly I hope he doesn’t build up better memories than he had with me when we traveled somewhere new.
I’m at this point feeling like the relationship might’ve been in my head – he might do this to everyone but I know I deserve more – not someone who’s so hot and cold. Of course I’d love to hear from him one day and have him come back, realize that he freaked out and made a big mistake and that this girl confirms it for him. But, I can’t wait for that. I’m off living my life and dating, etc. I would love to have a convo with him when day to figure out WTF happened but some men, like my ex before him, are just incapable of that.
Thanks for replying – and you know I think you’re right. I hate that I care – but geesh I do!
Like I said, the week before we were talking about meeting each other’s families and had such a week where we clicked, everything was in sync and it WAS getting serious. I think he freaked. I can believe that a man can’t commit when he feels lost. I think he was like ‘omg I’m in a serious relationship and my life is still a mess, what am I doing’ and thought he was doing the right thing by ending it. And now, when he’s in town he doesn’t have anyone else to hang out with and she’s making sure shes’ there. It’s better then sitting around doing nothing and being reminded of me in a city he’s come to associate with me (and now her). Unconsciously and consciously he’s doing the same thing to her that he thought was too irresponsible to do to me.
And I think he still wanted to do this trip but didn’t want to do it alone – and she jumped right in. But if he’s so commitment phob and loves his space, I can’t imagine having this new girl with him 24/7 for 2 weeks is going to go well – but maybe it is. I hope he’s with her thinking of me and missing me more, lol. Or it could be the opposite too – which would suck.
When/if he moves here, I hope he reaches out to me and not her. If what we had was so special I hope he can’t forget about me & get over me that fast. But, if he’s done this before, he will do it again. Dah. men.
Oh and – I think she must’ve known about me, but I don’t know. All of his friends knew about me – his roommates, co-workers, family. I met them and they all loved me. I guess he also talked about me constantly. It’s like, the moment we were getting real he freaked out and bailed. So when things ended, I think she was right there and ready.
I know – sucks doesn’t it? It hurts even more cause I’ve been cheated on before and it feels so similar. He was so adamant though about fidelity – he’d been cheated on before too and was sensitive to that. It’s strange – I can’t believe he feels the same for her already that he did for me. He’s VERY slow to enter into relationships – it takes him months – but he is a romantic and loves the idea of going to new places with girls, etc. Part of me thinks he just wanted a girl to travel with and she was more willing to just jump in without a commitment- it’s new and exciting, all that. And if he had gone with me, he knew it would’ve made us more serious. He does have this pattern though (which I should’ve noticed earlier) of being with a girl for a few months – and then suddenly ending things cause he can’t be in a relationship – he did that to the last girl he dated before me. But he said it was different cause he didn’t have feelings for her like he did for me. With me, he said it really was bad timing and wants things to be different sooner – but his move and everything was too much. He kept thinking he would move here ‘the next month’ and that went on forever, now it could be another year -and he’d been on the otherside in a relationship before with all the waiting and the LDR and he didn’t want to do that again. So it all made sense. I know he loved me, so this part is just shocking.
In the end though if this is his pattern – he’ll do the same thing to her that he did to me.
Would I be crazy to reach out to him and be like ‘hey, you said there wasn’t anyone else but i’m hearing different things and I want to give you the benefit of the doubt’. Would I just look crazy?
