Groggster

So I guess some details are in order. I will include what may or may not be relevant, because at this point, I’m so confused and hurt that I can’t tell which way is up. Her main complaint about me is that I was not “weak” enough. I take that to mean that maybe I was not open enough, emotionally, for her. We have had this conversation for about a year, but things always looked okay in the end. We did go to 2 couples therapy sessions with her therapist. One session before and one session after she told me “I don’t love you anymore.” We stopped going to therapy because she had found a job and could no longer go during the day. We stayed together for another week, and things were looking up….so I thought. I was making an effort to be more emotionally open and available, and we had good moments, still had sex, laughs etc. About a week later, she had a particularly rough day at work, so I made her dinner, and we talked. She then told me that “I just can’t do this anymore. I need to leave.” She packed up and moved out the next day.
She also is depressed and cites that our relationship is the source of that depression. Her depression is noticeably worse since she has stopped her anti-depressants, and stopped therapy. I had minimal text conversations with her for about a week, and she messages me a couple days ago and asked me if she could stop by. She came to the house and told me that she is struggling, something is wrong with her and she is going to go back on anti-depressants, and go to a therapist. She also told me that she would understand if I saw someone else, but asked me to tell her if I had sex with someone else (at this she started to cry, so I assume she still cares for me). I told her that I was not planning on seeing other women. I have been messaging her positive messages yesterday and today, and that is when I decided to ask her out this weekend on a fun easy date. Her response was “I thought about it… The date, the therapy…I don’t think it is a good idea. I don’t think it would lead us anywhere”.

Now, I am not 100% innocent in all of this. I could have been emotionally more available, and maybe more spontaneous and interesting. We moved here about a year ago, and I still don’t have too many friends (actually none). It is hard to make friends at 39yrs old when you work from home, but I have been trying with martial arts, and meetups. I may have also laid some guilt on her when she was leaving. I told her that she would regret her decision and I told her that her depression was within herself, not caused by our relationship, and she is getting the two confused. While I do believe that, I probably should not have said it so plainly to her.

Good advice. Thanks for helping me navigate this difficult time.