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Hi Tommy,
I came across this thread after just browsing around. I like looking for stories that seem similar to my own, and in a way, yours does. Your story is incredibly inspiring and parts of it really hit home.
I just wanted to see where you were at currently. Have you made any progress? I really hope that you have.
If you’d like to read my thread, click my name next to this post. You seem like a really observant and thoughtful guy and I have a feeling you have some insight that would be helpful. I’m just now getting close to initiating contact.
I sincerely hope everything works out for you friend. You certainly deserve it.
Cheers,
-GRAY2277I’m no expert here. In fact, I have my own thread with my own problem sitting next to yours. But I think he probably will contact you again. He did the first time after all. Something in his head/heart is telling him that he misses you. The less he gets to hear from you, I think the more he will miss you. My guess is that you playing hard to get was discouraging and frustrating to him, not that I blame you. He may also be afraid that if he is too persistent you’ll back away. Either way, he is still unsure and seems to be treading lightly. I think the best thing would be to wait until break to see if he contacts you. I think he will. If he doesn’t, and you would still like to talk to him, maybe contact him and lay it out there for him to decide. Tell him when you’re available, and that it would be nice if you could get together, but don’t come across as desperate. Instead, get yourself in a mature, in-control mindset before you text him. I’m a firm believer in the idea that people wear their emotions on their sleeves, even if they don’t mean to, especially to those who know them best.
Good luck. I wish you the best.
@patricia12 I should probably add some things I left out to keep my original post as brief as I thought possible. Not that I don’t accept your advice. Just going back and rereading my original post makes me think I left some key parts out.
The thing is that this girl is definitely worth fighting for. I’m a big believer in the idea that there is a reason behind everything. And I really believe that the reason for our breakup was to finally kick me into working on myself. I had neglected serious flaws in my personality for a very long time, but it wasn’t until the breakup and things my ex said at the very end like how she didn’t see me as a happy person that I realized it was time to go to work. For the years prior my thought process was that she was still in my life, so my haters were just wrong. But that thought changed when I realized that even she thought I could be better. I’ve really been working on myself for the last month+ and I feel really good about myself now. An important note is that I have been doing this work 100% for me, not for her. Whether we end up back together or not, I have to better myself, and that’s what drives me to continue.
I believe that these flaws are what ultimately made my ex decide to leave. When I think about everything that she said during that month of trying and during the breakup, it’s clear to me that this is true. Like I said above, it felt like she didn’t want it to happen. She wanted the changes to be made and to be happy again. This isn’t to say that it’s totally my fault though. I think she had some work to do for herself, and I think she’s getting there.
I have this really strong gut feeling that this isn’t the end for us. I can’t describe it, but it’s definitely real. I’d imagine you’ve heard others say similar things before. With that feeling is the deep belief that if she is able to see the person I’ve become, and the person I’m still working to become, that she will see that she can be happy with me again. Of course, there’s no way of knowing what she’s thinking or what she will think in the future, but somehow I just know. It sounds really silly, but oh well I guess.
Something she told me leading up to the breakup was that she wasn’t sure if I could ever better myself enough to make her happy. Not that it wasn’t possible (in fact, she said if it happened she would be elated), but that she wasn’t sure that I would actually do it. One of my flaws was severe stubbornness and a little arrogance. I took criticism poorly and believed I was right 99% of the time. I’m not like that anymore. But I think she had a valid fear/belief that I would just never overcome it to be better, and I think she still feels like it will never happen. But it has. That’s why my original question was about breaking through the wall she has built to protect herself against the old me trying to get her back. For now, I’m just going to go with Kevin’s advice; slowly but surely squeeze my way inside until I can stand in front of her as a better me. But I’m hoping you have seen similar things before, and can tailor it a little to my situation. I recognize that there’s no guarantee that she changes her mind, even upon seeing everything that’s better. But again, somehow I just feel that if I give it a really good shot and she really gives it some thought, that it will turn out the way I hope. I just have to get myself inside.
I have fears that maybe I’m not right and that maybe she’s moving on. Taking what I have to go off of at face value, a disconnected person may think that way. She seems happy in pictures and appears to be having fun at parties with her friends. It seems like she did a 180 from the night of the breakup. But like Kevin says, just because someone appears to be happy on social media and says that they’ve moved on less than two weeks afterwards, doesn’t mean they actually have yet. He says it takes longer than a month and I believe him. Again, I think it’s all just because she really believes that I’m never coming back. I think fighting for her is at least worth a shot. I just hope that she hasn’t pushed herself behind her defenses too far. So now my questions: Do you think it’s worth a shot? Have you seen any similar situations before? How do I get her to see the improved me?
