maebe

@belle I agree.

I’m so tired of feeling this way and i’m trying my best to let go. But It’s so hard to stop thinking “maybe come July we’ll start talking again…”

I should tell him to shove off when he contacts me next! I know I deserve more, we all do, but i feel so empty without him. Letting go isn’t easy, but i want to.

I’ve set up a busier life for me starting tomorrow, so i hope this helps. Time to rebuild every one! We need to find happiness within ourselves, away from our exes.

If only i didn’t have to see my ex at parties 🙁 having mutual friends sucks!

Thank you @Atea1234! You weren’t harsh! I’m definitely not that type of girl, I don’t do one night stands or sleep with guys too soon either. My ex just has this horrible power over me. I know that sleeping with him would be a mistake and I won’t!

And guess what? After rejecting him, he’s said some horrible things to me and I now know FOR SURE that he’s moved on. I feel angry, but also incredibly sad and sick to my stomach. At least this will give me the strength to fully move on.

After i said no, that i thought it was a bad idea. He responded saying that it was for the best, but that he couldn’t be just friends with me so “that brings us back to radio silence, which I’m fine with”… So harsh! I said “good to know you’re happy not talking, but you’d be down for a fuck. Hurtful, but it is what it is. See ya”.

He responded saying “But it helps you to move on, right?”

And things got worse from there. Now he’s saying that his question to have sex was not sincere and that he only asked because he was sure i’d accept, and then he planned to turn me down to prove a point?! I think he may just be embarrassed that he asked and i turned him down… orrrr he’s just a complete asshole and really couldn’t care less about me. I don’t understand where this is coming from, but whatever.

Either way, I’m done. I’m moving on for real. I don’t deserve this. Not after 14 years, not EVER.

Thanks Mike! I appreciate your honesty and opinion!

I agree, it wouldn’t help at all. It’s way more likely that me rejecting him will make him want me more.

And I wouldn’t say what he wants is a one night stand, but it definitely bothers me that he thinks he can so easily have me! He for sure believes he can be with me any time he wishes, that’s probably why this break up as been easy on him. I know he has to have some feelings for me because we’ve been close friends for 14 years, but he obviously doesn’t care that much to ask to be friends with benefits… you’re right, he doesn’t respect me. I’m a bit angry, but will play it cool and reject him calmly. God. He’s so arrogant!

I know, I know. I won’t sleep with him! It’s hard to resist though, I miss him so much and the thought of hanging out with him and being intimate again is SO tempting! Ahhhhhhh HELP

My options:

Don’t reply at all. I’d normally want to do this, but if I do this, things will be REALLY awkward between us next week at the party.

Or some things I could say: “Tempting, but I don’t think it’s a good idea! Sorry”

“As much as I used to enjoy our sex, I don’t think I would anymore now that I know you don’t appreciate me.”

“I’m sorry, I’m seeing someone”

“Shove it up your arse”

You won’t believe this.

I can’t believe this.

So angry/happy/annoyed/intrigued.

My ex literally just texted me as I posted that last message.

HE IS BOOTY CALLING ME! I never EVER thought he would do this. I am so shocked.

He said he’d be down to hang out, and to have sex. But that he wants it to be a secret because he doesn’t want the gang to gossip about us (that’s what happened the last time we hooked up in December… I think his roommate found out because he saw me leave the house, and then the rest of the group found out. And everyone was upset, and i think they told him something like “if you’re not sure about her, you shouldn’t be doing this”… hence why he told me off.). The rest of the text said that he needs some personal connection and that “the world is driving me nuts” and that he knows he can be normal around me.

Oh man. I want to punch him! He’s so confident too, like he’s 100% sure i’ll be into this.

He knows me too damn well… even though I know it’s wrong, and I don’t want to be friends with benefits, and that i’ll just get hurt, I’m still tempted! Like I said, our chemistry is ridiculous, and just the thought of him makes my knees weak. Ugh. And I think, maybe if we hang out and have fun, and then our sex is really good, he’ll start to question wtf he is doing not dating me. And frick, I miss our sex!!! It’s been too long, lol. I wish I could enjoy it with other people.

Should I just ignore the message? Should i tell him I don’t want to sleep with anyone who doesn’t appreciate me?

I don’t want to get angry or sound like a bitch, because of all of the upcoming social events…

I could just say, “I don’t think it’s a good idea, sorry”. Or something? Or “I’ve realized I don’t enjoy your sex either and so no” hahaaa. I can’t believe he told me he didn’t enjoy it, yet here he is again. I actually shoulddn’t be surprised.

I’ve kind of been seeing someone, not seriously, but… I could tell my ex i’m interested in someone? Play the jealousy card?

I don’t know what to do.

Also, thanks for welcoming me @Belle!

I wrote on here awhile ago, I could copy and paste my story, but it’s a crazy long one.

I’m the girl who’s been on and off with my ex for 14 years (friends, but couldn’t keep our hands off of each other and were afraid to commit to a relationship), and then we finally committed to an adult relationship for a year. I was very depressed so our relationship was rocky, and I pushed him away with neediness and worrying I wasn’t good enough near the end… basically did the whole self fulfilling prophesy. He had told me he’d never leave me and be there for me while I figured myself out, but I finally pushed him too far and he started to doubt that I was “the one” for him. Our passion faded for like a month, so to him that meant I wasn’t it, haha. I made all of the mistakes when we broke up so I pushed him away even further. We broke up at the beginning of October, and at the beginning of December, he told me time apart made him appreciate what we have, and he realized that he’s just unhappy with himself and needs to work on himself. After that we started texting every day and our conversations were great. He began flirting with me again, and asked to hang on my birthday! We went out around Christmas and had a great time, and slept together unfortunately… it was really good, but too soon, and felt weird because we knew we weren’t going to date any time soon. His friends found out (long story) and pressured him, and when he got distant, I stupidly got upset and confronted him asking him how he felt and he told me he had no feelings whatsoever, and that he had just been lonely 🙁 It hurt so much to hear that. He told me he didn’t even enjoy the sex that much (such a low blow, as we’ve always had amazing chemistry and fantastic sex-the main reason why we’ve always come back together throughout the years! I admit it wasn’t as good as it used to be, but that’s just because we had trouble connecting because we are committed to being apart… it felt wrong)… but the funny thing is, he said we can’t be friends because when he sees me he just wants to get me naked… but then he says he didn’t enjoy it? Okay then.

Anyway, I got a bit desperate and needy at the beginning of January, I was very depressed and pushed him away even more. I hate myself. Recently I told him I wanted to be friends (still desperate, I have a problem) and he said he can’t, and isn’t upset or anything but knows being friends won’t work. So i’m now doing NC as much as I can (I have to see him at a party next week, and a party mid February, and then the first week of March we’re going to the same concert. I plan not to speak to him if I can avoid it. Won’t be mean, just a bit cool. And I can’t avoid these events as I’ve been excited for a long time about them- we have mutual friends who i’ve gotten closer to these days… it probably pisses off my ex because i’m taking over part of the social circle in a way, lol. I also have to get the remainder of my things-yes I still have stuff at his place-when I move into my new house, which is March. He told me to contact me when I move so i can get my things… after that, I will ignore him and avoid him like the plague)

I hate that he has the upper hand, and it hurts so so much that he can fall out of love after everything. He’s on dating websites and I hear he’s trying to meet someone. Apparently he’s ready to commit, get married, have kids, and has moved on from me and wants this with someone new. It makes no sense, as we have great conversations, tons in common, are both quirky and weird (hard to find!) and I THOUGHT we had amazing chemistry… I know i’m not wrong. I think he’s just having a mid-twenties crises and won’t admit it because it makes him seem like a jerk. If he told his friends and family that the reason for leaving me is because he wants to sleep around and date more, everyone would think less of him. But if he says it’s because he just doesn’t love me, then it’s okay. Gah. Actually, I know he doesn’t love me, not as a lover, anyway… he is the type that can move on very quickly, he’s always been that way. When he makes up his mind, that’s it. He can flip the switch just like that. I think he loves me as a friend, but no more than that.

ANd it bloody kills me… he was so loving and affectionate for our entire relationship! Even the day we broke up. We had sex in the morning, then we went to the kitchen and he said he wanted to make me breakfast. I mentioned it was cold and without saying anything he ran upstairs and got me a blanket. He made me a huge breakfast, and as I was doing the dishes after, he pulled my pjs down and grabbed my bum, being all cute and flirty… and you know what I did? I said “We have to talk about what’s wrong, you’ve been different lately”…. that was the last straw, and all the sudden he got distant and said we should go on a break. I asked him if we were breaking up and he got all panicked and said NO! I don’t want you to move out, I can’t imagine you not being here”…. but a week later, he said he didn’t miss me all that much and so that was that.

Sorry for babbling everyone. I’m just so heartbroken, even four months later! I hate this so much. It’s not fair. We were closer than siblings and now he’s just gone. And I truly believe that he won’t want me again… at least, not any time soon. I feel like even if I were to go NC until July and he’s still single, he’ll still say he wants to date other people. I feel like if he doesn’t meet anyone great in a few years, he may come back…but that is way too long! And it’s not fair to me, he sshouldn’t have to play the field. He should just know i”m the one. Like I know he’s the one for me. I’ve tried dating for 10 years and I haven’t been able to fall in love with anyone else. So yes, I feel like a shell of a person, and realize I need to work on myself and learn to become happy with me. I can’t rely on him anymore. I wish I could give up all hope though, I can’t help but hope that maybe i’m wrong and he’ll come around if I finally give him the silent treatment… but I know him. I think he may want to become friends come summer, but nothing else.

It sucks that we have mutual friends because we’ll always be at the same parties. Even next fall: Thanksgiving, Halloween, then the Christmas parties… i’m afraid i’ll never fully move on if I keep having to see him! And can you imagine if he gets a girlfriend and is in love?? I think I’d end up having to leave my group of friends behind, as seeing him with someone new will devastate me 🙁 And it’s not easy to make new friends in the city that I live in! But I know i’m going to crumble to pieces if/when I find out he’s dating someone. I have to remind myself that he falls in love fast, but can also fall out of love fast… he’s been stoked on girls many times, only to not like them 3-6 months later. UGHGHHG

This is a novel. I am so sorry everyone! I just want this pain to leave me!