ELL

@patricia12 Thank you for your input and understanding. It’s not unlikely he will be battling his depression for his entire life, and I have often thought that’s what will be the end of him. I suppose the easiest solution is to just go “oh well it’s easier to date someone without mental illness and move on”, but I think there is something to both me and my ex that makes it a bit more complicated (more on this below).

@mr_the_ex Sometimes. I wonder if that was part of the reason we clicked but also why we ended. I could understand, penetrate and alleviate his depression at first, but his depression wasn’t allowing that anymore). Even though he never wanted me to take on the task of fixing his mental illnesses, I am left with the feeling that I was disposed of after I could no longer do exactly that.

So, two things:
1) I sent the postcard mid-march, and I got a reply on email last night. I was not expecting a reply and it’s clearly inviting a response. Casually getting back in touch. He knows I am not interested in being just friends, and I clearly stated that I missed him.

2) I’ve been doing a lot of research and introspection lately, and I’ve come to realise I’m probably autistic, and so is he. And this explains so much. As a psychology researcher I know I shouldn’t self-diagnose, or to diagnose others for that matter. So for my part I will get in touch with a doctor as well as my old child psychiatry clinic.

Overall, hopefully this shows why it’s not so straightforward to just find someone else who doesn’t have mental health problems. Having ASD isn’t going to change, and it comes with mental health challenges, and that will be true for the both of us. Moreover, if I am to ever have a partner who understands me, autistic and all, it would probably be someone who is also autistic. And chances are he will have some mental health problems.