Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
I appreciate you comments, but especially in a long distance relationship it’s important to keep contact with each other, that doesn’t mean one person is being needy. She reached out to me, she initiated contact, she wanted to work it out, and we ended up texting something everyday briefly (not all day).
She did not breakup with me because of anything I did specifically but rather said it was her own internal conflicts. She admitted that she believes I’m right for her and she wished she could’ve worked it out. Essentially, I feel she needs to prove to me that she can make it work. And all I can do is be supportive and give her that opportunity.
And I never said I wanted to give an ultimatum…?
@patricia12 – I just don’t feel that commitment. Initially I could tell she was making a good effort to stay connected, and then it felt more one sided. It seems like we’ve been talking long enough that having a discussion on making an LDR work is realistic. For instance, I think it’s important to talk on the phone a couple times a week. And if we’re to go anywhere she needs to be able to show me that we can achieve that. And the same for me with things that are important to her.
@patricia12 – No I was never a jealous boyfriend; I had a great deal of trust for her. I was a bit insecure in that I was just sad she was leaving. Sometimes it was difficult for me to be supportive, but in the end I was happy for her getting this great opportunity. She is in Korea, I am in the US. So visiting is not something I can just casually do. I would kind of need a commitment to make that trip over. And about texting…she was texting me an equal amount and it was going well…but then she stopped being as responsive…?
@ariannah – She is on a 1 year contract, but had mentioned possibly wanting to stay longer. We haven’t discussed it, so theres a chance she is staying another year (but then I don’t know why she would have reached out to me). I last saw her when I dropped her off at the airport a month before we broke up. We broke up briefly over 3 years ago, but that had nothing to do with this. We had become a much stronger relationship and we both knew we could work through anything. We rarely argued, any argument was generally just about communication issues pertaining to long distance. But I tried to be very patient as I knew the time difference would be tough. I just don’t know how I can keep minimal contact with her and not want more to come of it. I feel like I either want a commitment or I want to move on. This in-between phase is difficult for me.
Yes I know they are difficult and I feel like it’s just an unfortunate circumstance we’re in. In the same location I know we would’ve been fine. The actual distance is very significant, but yes I would’ve been able to visit and she’d probably be back in 7 months.
What if she reaches out to me? Do I continue NC or do I essentially ask what she wants to come of us? I can’t pretend to be “just friends”. I was clear with her initially that if we were talking it’s because I wanted to work things out. I had a hard time getting through the breakup and I just don’t want to open up to her again without knowing there’s some sort of commitment.
Thank you for the responses. She was still in school and she was going abroad for a year so I didn’t think it was the right time to get engaged until we were finally together in the same city. And I didn’t get the sense that she wanted to get engaged right away either, but she knew she wanted to in the future. I don’t feel that this breakup had to do with marriage, but rather just uncertainty about the future and feeling that our paths are going different directions (different countries, goals, etc.) I never really thought about the future as I was more of a “go with the flow” kind of guy, but she thought about the future a lot. So she maybe thought I didn’t want the same things. I’ve started thinking about what I want in life more now and I wish I could reassure her that we do want the same things.
That is what I was considering doing, but I am also thinking that if I don’t reach out then there is no hope in reuniting. She can be stubborn/anxious and therefore would probably be afraid to reach out to me for fear of rejection. Someone needs to take the leap. But since I have no idea what she is thinking it’s hard for me to guage the situation. I feel that reaching out soon may be the best way to get a read and determine whether she needs more space or not.
