Edvinas

The thing is that she never acted like this before. On New Year’s Eve she wanted to go out somewhere but I was so busy with my studies that I didn’t really try to find places to go. I told her she was very naive hoping to find where we could celebrate just days before New Year’s Eve. I told her to go and celebrate with her friends instead if she didn’t want to stay at home with me. She didn’t even want to hear about us celebrating separately. And the most ironic thing is that it was I who started whining about how staying at home was boring…

Anyway, you get the idea. We never really needed anyone else around us, we enjoyed the intimacy of being just the two of us. At least I did because after the breakup she said everything that we did had become a habit even though she enjoyed it right until the last minute. But after that evening when I found out about her talking to someone about leaving me (yet, I wasn’t sure what she had to tell me but I assumed it was something about us splitting up based on the way they talked and the fact that she was trying to hide that chat from me) she felt like she needed to break this habit.

It really got my mind messed up. Because I have two scenarios in my head. One is that she lied to me all this time, showering me with affection, kissing me, holding my hand and looking at me with a big smile and eyes full of happiness while I was driving her home after Valentine’s day, sending long texts about how much she loved me and how happy she was with me while planning to leave me at the same time. And only now I get to know who she really is.

The other one is what I hope is true. That she felt something was wrong between us, talked to her friends about it but didn’t really want to break up with me (she gave me this impression by saying that eventually she would still have burst out, so in other words she was being patient with my behaviour but she got tired of it). She gave everything she had to save us while I was doing the opposite. But that last night was too much for her. And now she just tries to cope with our breakup by doing things that wouldn’t remind her of me. Like being with people who are so different from me. And I really want to believe that behind the image of a party girl she now tries to be still hides that perfect girl that I am madly in love with.