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I’d thought about it round Xmas when she had an issue with my mum and brother just popping round for a bit in the day, (her parents were already round). She only got Xmas day and Boxing Day off work and she didn’t want to spend them seeing family (I know).
I’m guilty of being a people pleaser and when she was unhappy from October onwards because of someone bullying her at work it got to me because I tried too hard to make her happy and nothing worked, so got disheartened. When we split in January she said she’d been suffering with depression but didn’t want to admit how much it’d gotten to her. I saw that as a guilt trip to try and make me stay.
Time is great healer, doing No Contact and feeling a lot better than when I first posted. I wouldn’t have done what she did (slept with someone else the night before I’m meant to start again with someone you claim to love and been together 2 years) but maybe that’s just me.
I’m thinking of not even contacting her when the NC ends, too much has happened and time apart will do us both good. She might even miss me, but I doubt it haha.
Thanks Patricia
Hi Patricia,
Great name by the way, same as my mums!
The mistake was me leaving her in January. I displayed poor communication, rather than question her I just agreed. For example: we had a dog and I did everything for the dog, fed, walked, trained and toilet duties. The idea was that we’d walk the dog together, she stopped coming and I never pushed her to come with me or ask why she didn’t want to. The same goes for her effort with my family, we saw her parents at least once every two weeks. When I suggested seeing my mum, there was a tut, sign or an eye roll. I should’ve challenged it. Then if I was seeing friends (just the guys Once a month or 6 weeks) she’d have an issue with it because she’d say to me “what am I meant to do?”. We pretty much lived in each other’s pockets and I felt trapped, she doesn’t have a big social circle and I always included her with my friends and couple events. I should’ve been honest and spoken with her about it, instead of just calling it quits in January. This was partly down to my insecurity of thinking we could argue and thinking she would leave me so I did it first.
In terms of the house, we were living together. After we split in January, we still saw each other a lot and didn’t have a proper break, I was helping her with the dog. So I suggested doing 3 dates to try and work things out, but it was too fresh and it didn’t work. Despite her saying she wanted it to work, she spent most of the time texting on her phone when we were together. I saw it as a lack of effort on her part and we didn’t do the 3rd date.
Her defence to the March incident was “we weren’t together”, that date had already been arranged prior to our conversation about a clean slate and that she did it to “prove to herself that she didn’t care if I dumped her again”.
We still “hung out” until June and went walking with the dog, I sorted a flat tyre for her and cut the grass twice for her.
That’s when I told her this is daft it’s like we’re still together and asked if we should get back together. Her response was she’s started seeing other people and just wants to be friends so removed myself and started no contact.
I have a feeling you’re going to say cut your losses here……
