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Ok, let me give you an update
I know I haven’t updated this thread in awhile, and I dont know if anyone reads it. But it is a great way for me to get some stuff out of my head. So here we go:My birthday came up in the beginning of the new year. The weekend before I made sure to make an update on my Instagram so I was sure she would remember it. I made sure to make it a little mysterious. It was someting like “Saturday we had a great evening together at reurant name, and on Sunday it was time to celebrate with my family…”
Please note the “we had a great evening”… It was with 2 of my friends, but my ex doesnt know that. I wanted to make her wonder who the heck that was… 🙂
My ex liked the post, yet I never recieved a happy birthday wish from her…Anyways… Time passes by.
She still likes every picture I post, as long as they are a little related to our hobby (Fitness)… If I post a picture of myself there is no like. I dont like any of her posts. Still ignoring…
I still remind myself of the first time after our breakup. I would like anything she posted. Yet she never liked anyhing back or gave any attention to me. I remember how I felt back then. In fact: Go back to some of my older posts and you will see how I was freaking out. I wanted so bad to call her up and yell: “YOU SAID YOU WANTED A FREINDSHIP, THEN WHY THE HELL CANT YOU LIKE ANYTHING I POST WHEN YOU CAN LIKE THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING THESE OTHER GUYS ARE POSTING”… Back then I guess I would have given anything to be where I am now. She is the one hitting the like button. Not me…. And I dont have to ask for it…
So I am trying not to think to much about this part…She might be dating
Last year I suspected her to be dating. Her post indicated a couple of times that she was with a “sweet person” ect. But those kind of posts has stopped. And a few weeks ago she popped up on Tinder again. This means that at some point she had closed down her account, but now opened it again. And again today she updated her status with: “had a great weekend. First I hung out with my friend maria, and later I enjoyed the day with a sweet person”…So I guess this is a new guy… Perhaps it was just a first date…
There is nothing else on her profile that indicates there is any guys in her life.Grass is Greener?
Now that I have some distance and cleared my head, I am now more sure then ever that she left me due to the classic “Grass is Greener Syndrom”. All the signs are there… So I will keep my distance and keep NC. Ofcause I will reply kindly if she texts me.
Maybe I should give one of her posts a like? Any thoughts on this? Preferly from someone who has knowledge about GIGS…Not much new. No contact from her yet.
I know she had a visitor over last night (she posted she had some “nice company” and a picture of dinner for 2. She didnt mention who, wich she normally does)
I naturally asume the worst. But then it hit me: she posted this at 6pm, at 8.45pm she made another post that indicated that the “nice company” was no longer there and she was getting ready for bed soon. So who ever this was, it wasnt anything serious. (Not someone who should spend the night)I can laugh now at how I overanalyzed it at first 🙂
Anyways… Thanks for lisning.
I found a great blog post that I wanted to share: (This is only a small part of a long blog post)Two can play that game!
An ex may misinterpret your silence as a sign you’ve moved on, and will protect their own feelings by extending the same courtesy to you by burning their bridges. The risk here is that any kind of distance makes the connection you had a little less secure. Deprived of an open and honest flow of communication, they will be forced to jump to conclusions regarding their romantic future, without the benefit of your feedback.While this can work for you, it can also work against you (if they call your bluff). No contact is a bet, and often, it is a bet that is lost — because the same emotion that may drive them to crawl back, is the same that may cause them to shut you out of their life. Clarity at any cost.
It gave me some stuff to think about. Last we meet, and when we texted I really tried my best to give her the “I am indifferent” signals. So that blogpost really gave me some stuff to think about…
By mirroring I only mean that I will put in as much effort as she does. If she replies fast, so will I. If she gives short replies, so will I ect.
If she invests and gives long and detailed replies, so will I. But yes: control the conversation. You are right. Thanks my friend.I will make sure to look over your topic my friend…
Thanks a lot for your reply… You dont know how much this support means to me.
It happend today. After 2 days of silence she texted me out of the blue. Just a completely random text. I am trying to mirror her. The more she is putting into the texts, the more I put into it. Please notice that I am still being friendly to her, without being too friendly like the last time..
Her: Hi 🙂 How big was the fitness center you work at?
Me: haha… That was a wierd question to ask 🙂 Well I think it is around xx sq ft
Her: Just discussing it with my brother 🙂
Me: Who won?
Her: We were just comparing it to the size of the gym in my city 🙂So I think I am moving in the right direction. I think she has just acted indifferent, and she has missed talking to me. And she is taking it slow with some random chit chat… Testing out the water….
I will keep doing what I am doing. Be freindly towards her. Mirror her behavior and thereby get a false friendship…She has left.
So you are against my idea of waiting untill she opens up and contacts me first??I didnt end up going to the club last night. Came home way to late from family dinner…
Anyways… It is still a matter of waiting now for me. Ive been going over these past days in my head and to be honest I cant see anything I could have done differently…
The only thing I regret is a couple of months ago when I had my 3 week NC. She was very open back then and asked me many questions all the time, but also did the hot/cold behaviour. Just wish I could have played it different back then. She didnt seem that interrested this time around… But only time will tell. The lines of communication is open now if she wants to talk.Update from today:
I thought a lot about what you said: she doesn’t need any “ex moments”, so I tried to stay away those things, and stopped myself from analysing if her signs was friendly or romantic.
So:
She came over today as I was at work, and asked about if I had a good christmas eve, and where I celebrated it, and asked about the food. I asked about her evening as well. The few times I passed by her, I wasnt trying to make any eye contact and didnt talk to her. She was working out with her brother. He came over and drank some coffee with me after his workout. 10 minutes later she came over as well. She sat down next to me and all 3 of us just chattet, joked and laughed a bit for about 5-8 minuttes. Then they went home. I dont really remember if she made any eye contact as she said goodbye, as I didnt really care about that today.She is going clubbing tonight with her female friends. I am thinking about going to the club as well… Maybe. Not really sure why I want to. What do I expect will happend…. It could end up becoming awkward, but there is also a chance she will open up when she has been drinking and she see’s me…
What do you think?Anyways.
I think she is leaving town again tomorrow. Before she came to town she most likely asumed I was pissed at her. My goal for this week was just to show her that I am not upset, and the lines of communication is open, if she should feel like talking to me. I think I reached my goal…
Now I just need to wait… IF she does want to get in contact with me, she can do so without fear for my reaction.But the ball is pretty much in her court now.
@lostinnea very interresting thing with the jealusy. I might give it a try today.
@maebe well yes, you kinda did. Your post was very long. 10% of it was for me, the other 90% was about you. I want this topic to be 100% me 🙂 Yes I am an egotist here haha 🙂
But like I said: create your own topic and I would be happy to read about your story, like I am sure a lot of others would. Merry christmas.Please avoid hijacking my topic. I understand you are sad, but you can give advise and then post a link to your topic if you need assistance.
Thanks a lot for your reply.
I cant really figure out if she IS indifferent, or if she just have moments where she ACTS indifferent. Or if she is just being friendly because she has to.But yes: no “ex moments”… I will stay 100% away from anything related to our relationship.
Update time:
23. December
She smiled nicely as she entered the gym. Said hi and everything. She no longer keept her back turned like she did at the beginning the day before. So I asume it was only because she thought it was an awkward situration and didnt know how I felt. I tried to get eye contact some of the times I passed her, and when I did get eye contact I just smiled kindly and kept the eye contact. She smiled back. Yet, I didnt feel that it was a romantic smile…
Later as she stood on the threadmill, and her jacket was behind her I asked what that was for. She replied “What?“, as she couldn’t hear me. Music was a bit too loud. So I repeated with a little smile. Again she couldn’t hear me, so I jumped up on the tip of the threadmill and said very loudly “What is the jacket for?“, so she laughed a bit and thought it was funny. We talked very quickly. I asked where she was spending the holidays, and ask about her grandpa who had been very sick the last time we talked. She was smiling and seemd happy and talked to me. She didn’t ask anything about me….Before she left the gym she came over and asked about one of tomorrows classes. She said kindly goodbye and left.
Still I dont get any romantic vibe from her….Later in the evening she texted me asking about the class again.
Her: “Hi 🙂 I was thinking, could you maybe text me tomorrow morning if there is any avaible slots on the 10 am class. I mean, only if you are at work ofcause 🙂“…
Me: “There isn’t any avaible slot left. But I have opened up another class at 11 am. And there is plenty of slots avaible on that one.”
Her: “Okay, I see. So 10 am is not possible? Who is the instruktor at 11 am? 🙂”
Me: “Same instructor. Nah I wouldnt count on the 10 am class. I can book you on the 11 am class when I get in tomorrow if you want? 🙂”
Her: “That would be wonderful. Thanks a lot, that is very sweet of you 🙂”24. December
Not much this day. She came to the gym, I still tried to make eye contact when I could. She smiled back at me. When she was about to leave she came over and said “It really looked like you had a nice time last night?“… Here she is reffering to some pictures I posted on Instagram from my Christmas dinner with my family. She still follows me on Instagram, but she follows hundreds of people. I always wondered if she actually see’s anything I post. Guess I have my answer now 🙂 I told her a little bit from our dinner, asked her about her holiday plans and then she left.
Still she is being kind/friendly, but no sign of romantic feelings.
None of our conversations have been over 1 minute….She came by today!!
What happend was:
As she worked out, everytime I passed by she turned her back so I could not get a good eye contact or smile to her. Very strange. My female co-worker noticed this as well…
But hey: last time (2 months ago) she was indifferent. This time at least I am getting a reaction from her 🙂
Anyways… About half an hour later ahe was on her way to the dressingroom, and we passed eachother on the stairway. This time I smiled and just said “Hey you ain’t done yet, are you“, she just laughed and said “Hehe, no only halfway“.
After this she changed. She could now look at me as I passed by, she gave my a cute smile when our eyes meet, and she even talked to me as I passed by. I tried not to be the one to initiate it.
As she left, she gave me a big smile…
Any thoughts on this so far?..I just got home from work. Its evening now… I hope she will send me a text tonight. If not I am looking forward to tomorrow, and see how it evolves.
Yeah, I really hope this is her “testing the waters” before comeing to town… The 2 female friends I normally talk to, guessed the same thing.
I would just hate to be the one to make the first contact. I did the last time, and she wasnt ready, even though she gave me the signs. And I remember how misirable I felt. I dont want that again….Like I mention earlier: she is a pro athlete. She HAS to go to the gym at least 5 times a week. She cannot stay away for the 4-5 days she is in town. And since I work at the gym, I have made sure that I am at work during all opening hours (except 2 where I need to workout myself) 🙂
If she doesnt come to the gym, I would take it as a sign that she is scared to face me…. Or something like that. And then I could text her “Hey, are you not going to the gym during the holiday. Never expected you would be able to stay away.”
Or maybe something a little more direct: “Remember our deal. Next time you are in town we should workout together, and show me your new program“…But I will worry about that IF she doesnt show up….
Update from me:
Ok. Only 2 days left till she comes to town for the holidays. I am really excited to see her reaction when I meet her/flirt with her.Something interresting happend yesterday. She liked one of my pictures on Instagram? It wasnt really anything interresting actually, and only very few people liked it. But her?
Right after we broke up she stopped likeing/commenting anything I posted online. And every time we texted she didn’t use smileys. She said it was because she was affraid “I would get the wrong idea”…
But now this? She is clearly very aware of how she interracts with me, and what signals she sends…
Perhaps she was frustrated that I didn’t react to the love quotes, that I talked about a few weeks ago? Perhaps it was just a moment of nostalgia… I dont know. Trying not to get my hopes up. I know more when I talk face-to-face with her. I can read her body-language like an open book.What do you guys think about this like? A cry for attention? (Pleeeease look at me!!)
