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Oh… And if she brings up the “Why did you remove me as friend and disappeared?”, I am just gonna say “It didn´t seem like any of us was ready for a friendship” or “It didn´t really look like we could make it work“
Just a little update from me.
1 week left till christmas, and that is when she is coming to town. She is still spending a lot of time with her female friends. And a couple of times with a male friend. (I dont know who he is)
Anyway: The female friends of mine all say the same thing. Based on what she posts online, is seems like she is missing what she had. And we are all guessing she just asumes that all hope with me is lost.I am still waiting for her to come to town next week. When we bumb into eachother I will just be happy, smiling and flirty with her. I will try to keep everything as short as possible and not talk to much. She just needs to see I am not angry with her, and all hope is not lost for her. Hopefully that will make her try to make contact later by text.
This time when we text I will not make the same mistakes as the last time.- I will not give her any compliments
- I will not talk about feelings, or any other things that can make me seem needy
- I will not say or do anything that could make her feel guilty for breaking up
- If SHE starts talking about the breakup I will just take blame for it (Dont worry about it, it was my own fault. I took you for granted and you deserve much better then that)
- I will keep my replies short but friendly
Exactly. She needs a reason. I would just prefer to see her face to face, flirt a little so she sees I am not upset… Then she will come to me…
I had a few other ideas in mind:
A) try to “like” on of those love quotes she posted, and see what happends…
B) send her a love letter, letting her know how much the releationship meant to me, and all I wish is for her to be happy…Update from today:
Well she was in town, but she never visited the gym. She normally goes to the gym every day. But I dont think it was because of me she didn´t go. It is the hollidays so I guess today was family day. 🙂But I am gonna stick with the plan. I need to bumb into her when I can. Then be my own happy self. Flirt a litlle with her, and show her I am not angry and she shouldn´t be affraid of contacting me if she wants to…
Last time we were in contact she clearly wasn´t ready for it. So this time: No mistakes.The people I know who have visited her Instagram and Facebook profile all tell me that there is something fishy about it. She is really making a big effort to letting people know how much she just loves the people around her, and how happy she is. They all say it seems like she is trying to hide how missirable she really is. Maybe even trying to hide it from herself? (Keep telling yourself something and you will end up believing it)
And the love images/quotes… It is a way to say I need love. Maybe from me, maybe not. But still… They are a way of asking for love. The females I have talked to have all agreed on this…you gotta find a “reason”, but it’s gotta be kinda legit, to reach out to her or run in to her. Do you really wanna leave it up to blind luck that you will run in to her? If she thinks you’re still pissed, she might be wanting to avoid the confrontation all together.
Not hard. We both spend a ton of time at the Gym, and I also happend to work there.. And one of my female friends can give me a text if she see my ex…mno problem. I can make it happend if I want to.. 🙂
The girls are probably right, she’s looking, but her guard will be up. She might be more receptive to “friendship” now. So you might get a better response, and if you’re not as “needy” it’ll go over better for you too.
I am thinking it might even surprise her?? “WTF, he is smiling, and is happy to see me? I didnt expect that. What is going on? Should I try to text him tonight?”
Did you block her, or just un-friend her? If you blocked her, then un-block her. If she’s just un-friended, you might “post” on a comment or something you know she’ll see…
Just un-friended her. No I aint going to do anything online that shows I am thinking of her.. Not untilll she has opened up to me first. I dont want to meet that cold should again…
I’m assuming you’re not in the US…for instance, you might send her a pic (like last year at thanksgiving) and say “hey, the holiday is here, and i was going through last year’s pic…or you mom, brother,sister broughtt up this “pic” …you remember this? (a good time)…etc etc.. (by the way…have some cool pics posted of you doing cool stuff, it’ll help the conversation..if you don’t, grab a couple of shirts and an extra pair of shoes, and go DO something kool…then post that you’ve been too busy and are just now getting around to it…even better if one of your close female friends is with you)
I have been improveing a lot in the time apart from her. And I have posted many interresting things on Instagram and Facebook. Things I know sparks her interrest and she wants to know more about it. Trust me, she is courius about it…
If she asks about FB, just tell her you thought it was best that WE have space (it was your idea), because you were worried SHE couldn’t handle being friends (flip it around)…might even include something like “i accepted what we had was over, and I as worried you couldn’t accept being friends…or something like that **ask your female friends**. Takes the neediness out (and i’d bet she’s already seen your yes on tinder). Her foolish pride might be getting in the way of making the first move. keep the conversation brief, but make sure you include you’re OK with things (accepted it) and brag on yourself a little…maybe you’ve hit a new personal bench press record (reminding her something you used to do together, without saying “hey, you wanna work out while you’re here”) or whatever. Bait her in to remembering positive things, then she might even think it’s her idea to meet you…
She cant see my yes on Tinder. She has to give me a yes first, and we will both get notified about it. So no… Not yet.
My plan is when she shows up, and am just gonna be smiling and be my own happy self. Keep good eye contact (Ive always been able to make her knees soft just by looking into her eyes), be freindly to her and just say something causal like: “Oh hey, nice to see you. Long time…”
She might ask how I am, and I will just reply “Oh you know, busy as always!“…. Note how I did not ask about her.
But I bet she will start to tell how school is, and then I just end the conversation with something like: “oh that sounds great, we should talk some more, but I really gotta go now.”Then hopefully she will text me later that day. And if she does I take it as a majer indication of interrest from her… And then maybe I can excalate the text talk, to and actually face-to-face talk over coffee….
Just a small update from me
Not much since last time. Ive talked with a few of my close female friends. I told them about Tinder, and also showed them the love quotes/pictures she posts on Instagram. I did not tell them what I thought about it, but just asked them “If you were her, then why would you start to post these things?”We talked one on one, and they both replied:
“She needs/misses love… She might even be desperate for it. She has settled into her new life, and finally she can have room for love. But since you removed her from facebook like that, she most likely asumes that you are pissed at her, and is to affraid to make the first contact/is affraid you wont talk to her, or hate her. She fears the rejection. So now she has starting to use Tinder in hope to get some kind of love. And the images on Instagram is to get attention from a guy. Maybe you, maybe some rebound guy who just dumped her… We dont know”I have also visited her Social pages aa few times. It still doesnt bother me. Clearly the NC has helped me move on.
She said today on facebook that she will be coming to my town tomorrow. She didnt specify for how long like she normally does…
We are almost guaranteed to run into eachother…I will keep you updated with what happends.
Any kind of advice is welcome… 🙂No no. I didnt mean she joined Tinder because of me. My english is just very bad. I just mean it is a good thing that she has joined Tinder. I take it as a sign she misses what I gave her. I am also over the 30 days of NC.
But what should my plan be?
She is comeing to town for christmas. And we will bumb into eachother at the gym. Perhaps I can show her that I am not upset there. Smile, give her a hug and say I dont really have the time to talk now, but it was nice to see her. Mayve that would make her reach out. And then if all goes well, I can suggest a coffee.Ok please give me some inputs here my friends!!
As you know its been 2,5 months ago since our breakup. And 32 days ago I removed her from all social sites, and she has not made any attempt to contact me. I am thinking she might think oh my god he is pissed now” or something.
Well what happend today, is something I have been fearing for the past months. I am on Tinder, and as I logged on today, guess who showed up? Yes! My ex!!
First my heart started beating a little faster, but it didnt really bother me as much as I would have feared. So I went to look at her Instagram and Facebook. Again, I didnt really care much about what was on there. I can she she has posted some love pictures. You know those you can find all over facebook.. A guy and a girl kissing and some random love quote.. She has posted a few of them these last weeks. And 2 weeks ago she said she planned on spending her Sunday with a “very sweet person <3”, so I asume it was someone she had a romatic relationship with (perhaps the reason she broke up?). But since she is now on Tinder it must have ended I guess…I am trying to look at this as a possitive thing
This Tinder thing might be for my benefit… Please give me some feeback on my thoughts here:She is clearly in need of love now. She is finally settleing into her new life and is now realising she has a hole in her life after me. And since I have completely removed her from social medias and gone NC, she asumes there is no chance of getting back with me. And she dosnt want to reach out because of fear of rejection…
So this Tinder thing might be good. The only thing that would come out of it is another rebound guy (just like the last one was)… Hopefully she will run into jerk after jerk, and finally realise what a big mistake she made…
Is this completely nonsense??
Tinder:
I dont know if you guys are familiar with Tinder? But you can say Yes or No to profiles that show up. I said Yes to her… She will never know this! Only if she says Yes to me when I show up on her phone we will be notified of the match and can start to text… But untill then, she wont know if I have seen her profile….So lets see if she says yes… 🙂
(If I show up)She is also following me (eventhough I removed her)
Finding someone new isnt really top priority for me just yet. I am living life the way I want to. The most important thing is for me to be happy every day.Will give it a look. Thanks
I dont really know them. I follow them on Instagram and they follow me…. Ive meet them once at the gym were my ex introduced us… They are her closets and longest friends.
Ive read a lot on “Grass is Greener Syndrom” and I think this might be the reason for the breakup. It does explain a lot. And now she is slowly learning that her new life wasnt so interresting afterall… She might reach out, she might not… All that matters is that I am doing better..
I will keep the thread updated if she contacts me.
Oh, and her sports team is also slowing down after November. Then she has to workout by herself again (We used to that together) and she will get more free time… Hopefully mind is wondering about me…
Well nothing new… Still not a word from her, and we have now reached 30 days.
But I feel much better. I havent visited her social pages or anything. Like Ive said before I find NC much easier, because the contact hurt me to much.I am still going to wait for her to make the first contact. Last time she clearly wasnt ready to be in contact with me (acting cold) so this time she can contact me when she is ready.
instead of going out clubbing and drinking in the weekends she is now spending her friday nights with her old friends (friends she had before this new shool thing started)… So it seems like she is returning back to her old self…
(I know this because I am friends with these friends on Facebook)She didnt appear much into actually talking to me… But again: It could be the stress an hectic life… But she did have time to respond kindly to others…
Looking forward to reading part 2Just read through the first part of relationship rewind. Very interresting.
- So what you suggest I do now is to figure out a way to get back in contact, and figure out how I do it so I have the upper hand in the friendship battle.
- And be as active on social medias as possible (I am makeing all my posts public, and she still follows me on instagram)
I am also aware that the facebook post she made asking guys to not contact her, could have been because of another guy. It is possible. But if she really is as stressed as she said she was, and if she really loved me as much as she said she did, there is no way there can be another guy. But the possibility is there, and it has crosed my mind yes….
Thanks a lot fo your reply… I got really needy after the last NC, no doubt about it. I will keep the focus on myself now and move on. When I am ready for it, and when I am completely over my needyness I will try to bumb into her at some place… Perhaps the gym. When I do I will make sure to show my happy face, with big “hello how are you” and such things. To show her that I am not angry or anything…. If she then asks why she was removed as a friend and says she thought I was angry, I can just tell her: “Yes I know it might have upset you. But trust me, that was not the intention. I just wasnt ready for the friendship thingy, so I needed to be myself for awhile. Just like you did…”
Good plan?
Or anyone have any better ideas for what I should do from here on?
