CML

Just an update:

I’ve been doing a lot better lately. Got accepted by 3 of the 4 universities I applied to so I’m pretty thrilled about that. Just finishing a short film I made over December. New job is in sight and I’ve found meditation is really helping with my depression/anxiety issues. Got 2 vacations planned for the summer and I’ve got back in touch with a lot of estranged friends.

Of course an emotional high like this had to be punctuated with another little reminder. Different dating app I’ve been using for ages and I guess she just got a profile on there cause it surprised me to see her face again. Didn’t make any attempts to interact tho. If she sees me and wants to talk she will. I’m okay with not seeing her again. Thanks for all your advice and encouragement guys.

Thanks for the continued support. Am trying to build myself up right now, and have been for a few months. Got an interview for a great new job tomorrow which I’m feeling pretty positive about, and working on a short film project for my University application portfolio. Still a lot of work to do but I’m generally feeling good about it all.

Had a bit of a stumble this morning though. Idly flipping through Tinder and there she was. I have mixed feelings about the fact that I swiped right in my sleep-fogged mental state. On the one hand, it stops her from appearing again in a few weeks as a fresh reminder. On the other, I’ve now got part of my brain that keeps wondering ‘Has she seen me’ and all that. Even if she did match with me, what would I do? Is it even possible for me to have a healthy relationship with her? Why can’t I resist doing these things?

And it’s ridiculous to really even think that far, because all previous indicators are that she wants nothing to do with me. Sigh.