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Hey Jasminka86 don’t mention it 😉 That’s what I like about this site, I think everybody here truly care about each others struggles 😉
And that sounds like a good plan to me! One step at a time, and slowly it gets better and easier 🙂 I mean hey, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? 😉
Thank you dear! I really felt that way. I genuinely wished her luck because I want her to be happy. And I suppose that it’s driving her mad. I won’t push her or contact her and I gave it my best, so I’m pretty calm now.
It still hurts, but I know it will get better with time. I’ve never had my heart broken this badly. And I agree with you. She knew I would contact her and that’s why she confirmed my request, to try and “test” me. And I know for a fact that my reaction wasn’t what she expected at all. So she over reacted again.
Well, I’m blocked on fb now anyway (again), and I’ll make sure not to check her Instagram. I’ll leave it be, and I know I will heal easier. And if our memories (the good ones at least) mean anything to her, she will eventually contact me.
I really appreciate your kind words 😉 I wish you the best of luck too! How are you holding up?
Hey.
I agree with you. She still has feelings and she was surprised by the way I reacted, because I didn’t beg at all. I think by doing so I showed her that I am no longer “addicted” to her. I do agree however, that maybe I shouldn’t have been so direct and should have waited a little longer. Well, at least now I know where she stands.
I should have listened to your advice when you told me to disappear from social media and leave it be for a while. This time I’ll follow that 😉
I’m really happy for you that you’re talking with your ex 😉 Any communication that has a “positive” vibe is good. Considering the fact that my ex has been literally toxic towards me the last four or five months.
I think she’ll agree to the coffee invite. Just remember to be cool and confident, and try to make her laugh 😉 It worked with my ex the first time we got back together. Also, when you break the ice, try to invite her for a nice trip. The first time I asked my ex to come with me to Ikea, because I needed to buy some new stuff (well, actually it was her idea). She was more than happy to tag along and it went great! We finished the day with a nice dinner, and when I dropped her off at home, I gave her a nice kiss on her cheeks and thanked her for a lovely day (she was holding some stuff and her hands were full, so I took a chance, haha). After that I came home and we texted all evening, so all in all it was a great day 😉 I hope I get a chance to repeat something like that with her :/
No I don’t think it was her new guy, it was all her. It’s just like you said, she is having a very hard time dealing with her emotions.
She is a very emotional person, even though she denies it. It’s strange, she can be the sweetest girl I’ve ever known – kind, loving, funny, cheerful. Then in a split second she becomes unrecognizable. She is extremely impulsive, and a lot of times her emotions get in the way of logic. And then she can say just the most horrible things. After that her pride also gets in the way, so she never apologizes for her behavior.
The only solution I see at this point is unlimited NC and working on myself for my happiness.
Yeah, you’re right, that’s the most important part – I have to stop blaming myself for everything.
I’ll stay strong this time 😉 I feel pretty good because I really did do my best and when it didn’t work I still wished her luck. So I guess I am at peace, and whatever happens will happen…
Thank you, best of wishes to u 2 😉
@kaila
@Oshi
@Phonis
@Jasminka86
@kalicooldude
@lizgrimWell, this is what I decided to do this morning, sorry for the long post.
1. I sent her a message of peace offering;
2. She asked me what I want from her;
3. I explained how sorry I am about the way things went down. I told her that I only want her to be happy and I don’t want to stand in the way of her happiness. I also said our memories still mean a lot to me;
4. She responded and asked me if I want to be her friend or something? She followed that up by telling me it wouldn’t be a good idea, because it would end up hurting me, as she has a new man in her life now… I think she rubbed that in quite a bit;
5. I answered her that it wouldn’t affect me. I said I have tried absolutely everything I could to save our relationship and nothing worked. I said that I have now accepted our breakup and I only wish her happiness and I wouldn’t stand between her and the new guy. I wasn’t rude or anything, I acted very politely and I was calm;
6. Then… She got angry. She said that I annoyed her and she could never be friends with me. She told me to get a life already, go out and just forget her. She said that I have absolutely NO CHANCE with her anymore! (even though I never mentioned us getting back together in the first place)Then she unfriended me. A couple of minutes later she sent me a new friend request. Then a couple of minutes later she deleted the request and decided to block me again.
Anyway, I think she was surprised by the way I reacted when she mentioned she has a new man in her life. I suppose she thought I would be begging or crying.
I think I reacted in a gentleman-like way, I was polite and wished her luck. I tried to reach out with my hand to at least be friends. I can’t do anything more now. I hope she will be happy with the new guy, but somehow I don’t think it will work out. He’s on the road constantly, so she’s in love with him now, because they don’t see each other too often, so it gets hot and steamy when they do. We, on the other hand, practically lived together and hung out constantly. I could be wrong on the other hand though, I don’t really want to worry about it anymore…
Sorry everyone, this is starting to look like a screenplay for some cheesy soap opera. I am going to leave her alone now. My doors are open, but my NC will be permanent, unless she breaks it first. I will either get her back or heal my heart. Either way I’ll survive 😉
Thanks for everything guys, your love and help on troubled days. Love you all <3
Well, I said I would update my situation. So here it is…
Today was her birthday. I sent her a birthday text message, very simple and very short. Then I sent her a fb friend request. I know I shouldn’t have, but I gave in. Well, this time she confirmed it. Surprisingly…
Anyway, first thing I saw were a couple of pictures on her timeline, of a birthday present she gave to a guy a couple of days ago (not sure if only a friend, but I’m pretty sure he’s something more – the “new” ex). Very personal, something she baked and it was gift-wraped in a personalized paper foil with his name and his truck type on it (he’s a truck driver). Which makes me wonder – considering he’s from a city about 40 miles away, and is constantly on the road… How the hell did she commit to him so fast!?
Now, I am not going to analyze anything, but maybe she even confirmed my request only so that I could see the gift she made. The weird thing is, she also hasn’t removed some of the pictures we took together, they’re still on her profile.
I want to do this right! I haven’t contacted her yet, and even if I do, I will not mention the new guy or talk about him in anyway (assuming she would even answer me if I initiated contact).
So the main question I have now is: how DO I initiate contact? What can I even say after the last time I wrote her, and she called every name she could think of?
Does anyone have any ideas? Please.
Of course I still have feelings for her. I didn’t mean to come out cold in my last response. I love her with all my heart, but it’s just getting so hard for me now. We already broke up once before, had a nasty fight, but we started hanging out after about two weeks, and less than two weeks into that, we got back together. And the bond felt stronger than ever.
But now it’s different. It’s been 5 months of trying and waiting, and now there’s a new guy in the picture.
I love her. That’s just about the only thing I’m sure of. But it’s very hard to wait for someone to change their mind or at least show that they care about losing you. With her I’m just not sure anymore, her actions are confusing the hell out of me.
I know you mean well, and I’ll follow your advice. Thank you! My mind is still cloudy because of everything, and someone else’s point of view definitely helps. My emotions are still screwing with me…
Thanks again, I’ll be sure to update my situation 😉
Hey kalicooldude,
Well I actually only have a facebook account, I occasionally check her Instagram account, because she has it on public view. I think what everyone says is really true – your ex is like a drug to you. You think you need them, but in reality you’re just hurting yourself, because you’re addicted to them.
And I just wanna share something. This weekend was one big pack of lol’s, it’s all just getting ridicilous – I sent her a fb friend request a couple of days ago, after she unblocked me (after more than 3 months). She waited a couple of days, then denied it. Friday evening I was checking her profile, and I accidentaly clicked “Add Friend”. I deleted the request immediately, but I think she still received the notification on her e-mail. Then, sunday morning I woke up, and I saw she also sent me a friend request, but deleted it. I know it was by accident, but on the other hand it means she was checking my profile at 1 a.m. in the morning. Then yesterday I saw her new bf (or new ex-bf, whatever) liked one of her photos and she liked his in return.
I think Jasminka86 was right, she is comparing the two of us in her mind, and it’s starting to look like I’m her backup if it doesn’t work out with the new guy. To tell you the truth, it’s starting to get on my nerves, she is playing games. Posting quotes, liking them… I don’t know what to think anymore, some days I want her back, other days I wish I could just get her out of my mind. I know I hurt her, but never in the way she hurt me back. And the difference is that I apologized for everything and tried to make up for it because I cared, she on the other hand never really cared at all.
I don’t really know if it’s a good idea for us to get back together, even if it were to happen 🙁 She has issues, and I can’t resolve them for her. She needs to do that herself. And if it takes too long, she is going to loose me. Maybe she even doesn’t realize that yet… If we were to ever get back together, it’s going to be under my terms as well!
Time to move on with my life for now. Thanks kalicooldude, best wishes to you too 😉
Thank you dear. We all have so much in common on this site, feels good to know none of us is alone.
I think the best way to go through this, is to just stop worrying and analyzing her behavior. Because looking at her posts and trying to understand them is not a good idea at all. Only she knows what she feels like, and what everything she posts on social networks really means.
I really hope that your wishes come true as well 🙂 Every person deserves love <3
Hey Phonis 🙂
Well, that’s what I plan to do. Just leave her alone and see where it goes from there. I definitely don’t want to get my hopes up with her though… I’ll focus on myself, and just do something nice for myself for a change.
And who knows, maybe you’re right. Maybe in time she’ll realize what she left behind, after there will be no further contact from me. Everything I experienced with her means the world to me. And you know, despite how she denies it, deep inside I know it also means something to her. Only time will tell if that’s enough.
Anyway, I will let her initiate the first contact… I’ve done enough at this point 🙂
Hey Oshi,
Thank you 🙂 It means a lot hearing something good from people who understand what it feels like to really love someone and then lose them.
And it’s true, I really did try my best. I can’t do more than that, doesn’t matter how much I would like to. I guess by giving up, I can only respect her decision to let it be and just move on already, leave her alone. It’s been tough for me the past five months. When I look back, I really didn’t follow much of Kevin’s plan, about feeling better about myself first 🙂 Emotions are kinda tricky like that…
I’ll try to remind myself daily to just remember the good times we had and learn from any mistakes I’ve made, then just try my best not to repeat them with the next girl I meet.
Thanks again, I wish each and everyone on this site that their plans to get back their ex, goes as smooth as possible 🙂
Hey kaila. Thank you for your kind words 🙂
Well, all in all, she is a wonderful woman. And I still believe she’s the love of my life, at least I haven’t met anyone like her yet. That’s why I tried to show her how much I cared for her. I’m not perfect, I know that, but on the other hand, neither is she or anyone else. We all have our demons and problems, and I embraced her for what she was. The good days and the bad days, the mistakes etc. She just didn’t feel the same…
It’s a shame, because we were great together. And it’s so hard for me to explain why I still care for her so much. She changed her profile picture on fb, in which she is sitting on a dock on the lake, looking into the distance. I just wish I could sit next to her, squeeze her hand and hold her next to me, and just whisper in her ear that everything is ok and that I’m always there for her. Does it even make sense, how can I still feel this way after everything she said to me :(? Only now I trully realize just how much I love her. I only want her to be happy 🙁 Even if with someone eolse.
And I guess it doesn’t hurt so much that she doesn’t want to be with me. It just hurts that she thinks I’m such a bad person. And it’s a shame, she will never understand how important she was (and is) to me 🙁
I’m sorry to hear that.
I feel for you, I really do. I felt this way for the past three months. Sure, there were days when it was easier, but 90 percent of the time I was feeling completely down. More so, because I felt everything was my fault.
Right now it’s easier for me, because of what my ex wrote me in the mail. But a couple of days from now, when the anger is gone, I know I’ll be sorry again. She was a great woman, but she has shown me a side of her that shocked me! And I can’t allow myself to forget that and give in! I was good to her, and it felt good seeing her happy. She never complained about the things she wrote in the mail. I mean how can you keep things like that hidden from a person that you, supposedly, loved? It’s childish and I just think I’ve now lost all respect for her.
The thing about her is, she is looking for ideals. Fairy tales are wonderful, don’t get me wrong. But they are just that – FAIRY TALES… There is no perfection in life, that’s what makes us human. And if you understand that, than my dear girl, you most definitely have my respect. And I really hope that your partner will realize just how much you appreciate him.
I’ll check your story and see if I can help. But try not to feel too bad. You also seem like a really caring person, and that can tear people like us down…
Thank you for your kind words kaila 🙂
I agree, it takes two to “tango”… If only one of us tries to rekindle the relationship, it’s not enough. It takes two people to make it, and two people to break it. I just didn’t see it before and I blamed everything on me…
You know what’s really funny? She also wrote in the mail that she didn’t want to tell me all these things before, because she didn’t want to hurt me. Right… Because someone telling you why they want you to piss off hurts so much more than putting that same person in suspense for months? What kind of logic is that?
Ah well… Time heals everything.
I do hope that you’ll have more luck than me, though 🙂
