Andi

@Nedim

welcome back 😀

Yes! I think so too or hope so ^^
Now that he is gone I try to write a lot with her and make her laugh and smile and just everything so she feels great since that makes me feel good and I hope it also gets her emotionally closer to me step by step.

Hmmm.. I see but somehow I think that what I am doing right now is correct. It’s really weird. My mood and the whole situation is like a big rollercoaster.. one time everything is perfect and a few hours later I’m quite sad again about something she said and then everything seems to be awesome again.. really strange as I said.. 😀

My ex always was a very extrovert and “emancipated” girl. I was used to her going to parties and drinking alcohol and all that stuff although I was (and somewhat still am) an introvert, very silent and liked to stay at home with friends instead of partying. I’m still not even close to used to go clubbing 😀 ….but I try my best and I really want to.

Well, actually I have 1 single poster in my room and that is from “The Simpsons” haha 😀
It just shows all the characters ever put in the series but that’s all I have in my room.. I don’t even know why I put it there ^^
Actually I changed the Layout of my room a few weeks ago, like where my table is and some of my cupboards etc.

Hm.. yes I can understand that you are afraid but I don’t think you have to be. I bet she also still has feelings for you and even IF she finds someone new (which I don’t think) you can use her feelings. That’s something noone else can! And about the date (26th of july) I don’t think there will be a reason that this date will leave you with bad memories after this meeting. Even if it gets a little weird with her and everything I bet the whole thing should still be fine! 🙂

Maybe those invitations aren’t that random.. maybe she actually wants you to come to see what it would be like.. you know what I mean? Maybe she is also afraid of meeting you again for the first time on that meeting you all have so she wants to fake a “party” so you’ll also come. MAYBE!
I also recall some memories with my ex.. especially from our holiday trip to that island I talked about a few days ago… it was so nice there.. ahhhh… I want to go there again – with her!

That’s cool! 🙂
Does she make english videos or in your native langugage?
Oh wow that’ll be one long day! haha 😀

well how many other girls (or maybe boys? who knows for sure..) are there in your groupchat?
did he ever have a GF before? because if not maybe he was just unsure what to say so it was really weird for him..

So.. the last few days were VERY intense. A lot happened between me and my ex. As I said my feelings about the situation were just.. I don’t even know.. like waves… one time I felt like I was flying and then I crushed again into rock bottom. BUT right now I am great.. like .. AWESOME.. let me tell you why! 😀
Yesterday started quite normal and some time around afternoon I started to write with my ex. It was the day that other guy left London. We were just fooling around and telling each other how we are doing and what we are doing and what not and it was all good. Then somehow we started to talk about our feelings. She told me that she’s not sure if I should come and visit her in London since it would be unfair for the other guy and she’d feel like she’d betray everyone. That made me feel horrible. I knew he was there with her now for a week and he’d come again in 10 days. I knew I just have to be with her or she might forget me because she spends so much time with him instead. I asked her how she wouldn’t betray anyone if I don’t come and she told me that it’s because we broke up and she somewhat started something new with him. She told me that she has feelings for him which is obvious but it still hurt a lot to read it… really a lot.. she told me that she thinks a lot about the whole situation and also of me but she needs to find out what she really wants. She got quite into detail and told me how she feels and what she thinks so I understand her situation. Although it hurt it also made me feel good because she actually told me what’s going on inside her mind which she didn’t do now for a long time! So.. that’s good for the cause but was bad for me ^^
Then we talked again about London and what she has to do and what she wants to do and we had a lot of fun again. Then I asked her if anyone said something bad about me after we broke up because I wanted to know so I can improve.. It was a bit weird but not too bad. It was .. “okay” .. to lighten up the situation I started to talk about fathers day and what I’ll get my dad and it was perfect again to talk to her. Then we came to the situation where I found out that the other guys comes to London again in 10 days which was quite hurtful but I told her how I feel about it and that I hoped that she’d be able to give me the chance to show her the new person I am and have fun with her in London and all that. She didn’t read that message for a few hours actually and then suddenly she wrote me something really impressive!

-I try to translate as good as possible-

“Recently I forgot how unbelievable strong (mentally) you are and how long you are already doing this for me now – just for me.

I thought how incredibly hard that must have been for you when you told me the first time that you loved me but I couldn’t say it back to you but you just accepted it and told me again and again that you love me just so I know.

I question myself how you do all that. Where do you take that energy from to do that.”

——–end———-
When I read that I was like .. “wow” … like.. “how the fuck did I just do that.” .. “what the hell did i do right??” :DD
I answered her that I take the energy from her and my feeling that I am correct with me and her being perfect for each other. (something like that ^^)
I told her that she should know that I don’t give up that easily once I am convinced from something but I am very happy that she noticed it.
She then told me that she is incredibly sorry for what she is doing to me and that is really unfair for me. I then told her that there is nothing I wished for more than visiting her in London to have a good time. She asked me to give her time to think about it but she would also really like to see me. then i told her “Don’t you ever forget that i love you” and she replied “how could I ever do that”.
And then we kept writing for about two hours about some stuff that was on our mind and then she went to bed.
all in all.. perfect ending

today was really cool aswell 🙂
we started writing in the evening at 5 o’clock or something like that and just kept on writing. and I asked her if she wanted to skype with me and she actually wanted to. so we skyped now for “just” 30 minutes but it was really great. Just the fact itself that she was willing to call me and talk to me.. just.. YAAY :DD
She showed me her new room in the flat she moved into now and it was a good day all in all. Today was not a single situation where I felt down! I am actually really happy ^^
I am still afraid that she might say no to me visiting her or that I just can’t anymore since it’s now quite a close call with buying the plane ticket and everything but I am still hopeful.
I feel like I am on a good way but I am also afraid that I think WAY to positive about this all and that in fact nothing will happen and I will crush on the emotional ground again :I .. that’s my biggest fear right now…

I hope I didn’t write too much and bore you :I 😀

how are you doing ? 🙂

-Andi

@Nedim

sorry for not replying yesterday but it got quite late and my wi-fi didn’t work. that sounds like the most awkward excuse ever but yeah.. sorry for that

That’s definitely a lot of emoticons for such a sentence. She might fake the feelings she now showed to you but the fact that you 2 wrote and she started is really good 🙂
Well you just had a conversation. You can definitely use that and just randomly write her something. Maybe something funny you found on the internet or maybe just something that happened to you today. 🙂
Are you busy with school or with something else?

She saw the other one which should be enough. Don’t worry too much about it.
Haha it really does sound crazy in some way but I completely feel you on that one. just keep doing what you want to do. ^^
Well, was the picture she sent in any way different from the ones she sent before?

Well for now you can’t really do much. Summer would be a good choice to wait for and see what happens. Maybe you two meet up and do stuff together. I know it might sound weird right now since you just somewhat broke NC but in a month or two can happen a lot and as soon as you are talking again on a regular basis… why not meet up in person 🙂

It definitely was exciting ^^
Well on the one hand I do feel lucky about that but on the other hand it confuses me so much.
She is hesitating so much because she just doesn’t know what she wants. She told me she was very confused during and after our meeting (which is good I guess? ^^)and she also behaved very friendly, lovely and close to me but as soon as she was back in her city she behaved different again. I asked her if she noticed that and she told me yes, she behaved different on purpose again so I don’t get a false hope. I told her that she shouldn’t behave different on purpose but just be herself (which I think is definitely the right thing to do) and she agreed. A few hours later she was that really friendly person again and we had lots and lots of fun writing.
I’m not sure why exactly she behaved differently on purpose but it’s way easier and more comfortable to get closer to her when she is that friendly person instead of:
Me: “How are you doing sweety? :)”
Her: “Good”

I hope you see what I mean 😀

Now about being “needy” how would you describe it? Because I feel like I want the relationship with her in order to make her lucky and me aswell. This is my goal. Anything else might make someone happy for a bit but in the end it’s not the goal I’m headed for. It’s like either that or nothing – either success or losing. Don’t get me wrong I am very grateful for what happened a few times until now like meeting her, being able to write with her and also that she still has some interests in me but still… none of these are my goal. They are all part of it but they aren’t it on their own.
Do you know what I mean?

Don’t worry about mistakes here 😀

What kind of camp are you going to? 🙂

Actually this NC happened during the time after we met at her grandparents home. She told me 2 days after that, that she’d like to stop writing with me aswell as the other guy for 2 days so she can get her mind together and guess what the next day in the late evening she wrote me something like “I’m sorry that I can’t keep my own rules” and then we wrote about our feelings and that we miss each other and other things. 🙂
But I don’t think that it would be a good idea right now since she is now in London with that guy so… yeah if I don’t have a lot of contact to her right now she forgets me because of him. Atleast that’s what I think ^^
I might try that after I visit her and have a great time with her.. we’ll see

you might be right. Actually right now I’m not really doing anything. I’m just writing with her and I don’t know how that will change now while she’s in London.

right now i don’t have time for more.. will write more later 🙂

-Andi

@Nedim

I don’t know why but today I’m really down.. today I feel like she is moving herself away from me again. I tried to write with her about London and meeting her but she only wrote like 1 or 2 messages every few hours although FB said that she is online. She didn’t read my texts and didn’t reply. Today sucked -.-
I was talking about how much progress I made with her and right now I feel like I’m starting at the bottom again. Hopefully tomorrow is going to be better.

-Andi

@Nedim

same goes for me i guess haha 😀
finals are quite a lot of work ^^

did you show it her yet? 🙂
good that you have some contact to her did you try to write with her/think about writing her something or did you just keep this kind of NC?
so the party will be in a few days? i’m sorry but i forgot… is she going there too now?

I still really think that you should somehow get in contact to her and find out if you are actually interested in her new self because I don’t think it’s possible for you to change her in some way in order to like her again. I hope this doesn’t sound mean.. :I
I don’t think that it’s good to suffer that long my friend. If you are not sure how you like her behavior at the moment I really think you should find out. Do you think a lot about her how she behaved back then when you two were still together? Because you must not think of her like that (my opinion). She is somewhat of a new person with a kind of new mentality and that is the girl you are trying to get together with – not the one she was. It’s the same with us. We changed in some or many ways, mostly in order to get our exes to love us again and to make us feel better about ourselves.

You should get your phone to a shop. They will most likely be able to recover some of those pictures (hopefully) if it wasn’t a lot of water. 🙂
If it isn’t possible to recover and you are going to have contact to her again in private, you could ask her if she has any pictures left and if she could send you those. It will make her go through all those memories again which might be quite helpful. 🙂

that’s really cool. I was always interested in getting into photoshop but it was just too complicated for me to learn it by myself 😀
What kind of stuff do you design? Also feel free to show me some pictures you drew I would really like to see them ^^
Sports is always great to do! I myself started going to the gym back in april but had to stop because of my finals but I really want to start now again 😀
Are you going to study there or just work there while living there? 🙂

Well, I have quite a “lot” of contact to my ex again although I wish it was more but we have a lot of good times when we write and I really enjoy it and I think she does aswell – I hope 😀

When I met up with her it was just great. We were at the lake late in the evening and talked a lot and also made out. Then we went to a bar for some drinks and then we went to her grandparents house at 2AM. The funny thing was that her grandparents mustn’t know that I slept there and they were just 8 or 10 meters away or something in a different room. 😀
We shared the same bed and well… guess what happened when we were in bed..^^
She was so happy and I was aswell. Being that close to her again was just great!
I left the house very early at 5 or 6 AM so nobody would notice and then took a bus home. She left the city the same day and the next day she told me that she thinks it would be a good idea to not have contact until she is back at home again (2-3 days). But guess what.. after 1 day of not having contact she wrote me again that she misses the contact and we started writing again. She still has and had contact to that other guy and he also goes to London with her for the first few days (10.-14.). Obviously I don’t like that but I also can’t change it so I just have to deal with it. But we said that I would visit her in London so I have that going for me, which is good. I hope I can stay longer than that douche (did I mention that I don’t like him and find him very annoying? ^^ ).
Right now she just doesn’t know what she wants and she can’t make a decision which is making me crazy but I can handle it. Things seem to get better but I still have to work hard to get her back. Yesterday I told her in a love letter that I would like to come to London from the 15th or 16th and in the morning she told me that she would write me in the evening but well.. we wrote a little bit but nothing about meeting her or the letter itself since she went to a party with her best friend (girl) who has just broken up with her BF. I don’t know if the fact that she broke up with him now helps me or not because either she sees how much she means to me / I mean to her or they just hook up with guys and “have a good time” now. I don’t think they will but who knows.. She is beautiful and a lot of guys want her… I don’t know what will happen. I really hope she finds love for me because right now she’s like “I don’t know if I want anyone as a BF right now and if so if I want you or him”. I need to meet her in person to make a lot happen. Just writing with her a bit over the day is not enough to make a difference in her life. I need to show her what fun she can have with me when going to parties and when drinking or just hanging out in parks or what not. To this day I was never able to do that with her. I put a lot of hopes into London and being with her for a few days. I really love her. Not just her new personality but her in general. I love the way she is, the way she behaves – even now that she has changed. I’m just crazy in love with her. I want to live with her, do everything we want together and just make her happy. There is nothing better for me than to see her smile and being happy. She told me that she needs to find out who she wants to share her life with and for whom she would do anything because right now we both (me and that guy) proved to do anything for her. The fact that even though she sees him nearly every day but still has interest in me although we obviously don’t shows me that I have more than just a chance with her but I need to be with her so I’m emotionally more there for her than him.
2 days ago a girl that I’m talking with said that I’m greedy.. now I’m afraid that I actually am and don’t notice it. Fact is I can’t get enough from her but now I’m not sure anymore what is right and what is wrong.. Am I not grateful enough that she went to a bar with me and even slept with me and all that? Am I too needy to be her BF again so now I don’t appreciate the things we did enough? I don’t know.. It makes me feel weird because I want her to be happy but is it bad that I want her to be happy because of ME and not someone else (him)?
I think being crazy in love is the perfect term for me right now.. maybe I’m literally crazy… I don’t know.. it makes me feel sad that I can’t be there for her like I used to.
I still have her shirt right by me when I go to bed every night and it actually makes me sleep better and also fall asleep quicker.
I miss her so much and I want make her life more awesome. I want to make her proud to say that she has ME as a bf. I want to be perfect which I was absolutely not back then.. I could kick myself for being so dumb back then.

Anyways.. I’m writing way too much.. sorry for that. I hope you are doing great at .. well.. everything! ^^
Looking forward to your next “letter” haha 😀

-Andi

@Nedim
great 😀
yes I feel you.. I had my finals so there wasn’t a lot happening for me either but learning ^^
How did the video turn out? 🙂
Her brother remembers me of my EX`s dog.. yeah.. weird comparison but I was one of the very few people her dog liked even though I don’t like dogs.. ^^
Maybe she misses you but doesn’t feel like she can come back to you. Or she just misses the physical contact and actually doesn’t want a relationship.. you have to find out what’s going on in her mind. When are you thinking to have this party or the meeting? 🙂
It’s a good Idea to have 2 of those “gatherings” so you know what might happen for the second one 🙂

It’s weird I don’t feel as much pain anymore but I still want her back like crazy. I’ll have to see what happens on Friday I guess..

haha yes that’s true.. I wouldn’t be able to talk that much about her with my friends either 😀

I feel like she doesn’t have a big interest in writing with me and today I told her that I find it weird that we don’t talk about certain topics anymore like discussing future plans or I don’t know.. maybe politics or something… anything. Right now we are just writing silly stuff. Like.. it’s not even very funny but completely mindless and always just 1 or 2 messages until she goes offline for 0,5-2 hours again without saying anything. Actually that’s quite funny because about a year ago she was furious when she wrote with people and they just stopped writing and went offline and now she does that all the time. There is not a single time she stays online for more than 20 minutes. It’s super annoying but hey.. what am I supposed to do, right? ^^
I think I might not go online on Facebook tomorrow and won’t write her until she writes me just to see IF she would write me and when.. like.. would she even notice or would she worry at all?
Might be quite interesting to find out.

Anyways.. I’m still quite curious how things will turn out on Friday. I don’t think she will get back to me that day.. definitely not.. but hopefully I come closer to her again because I do feel quite apart from her and I want to change that so maybe I can go and visit her in London when she’s there.

I want her back.
I want to be there for her again.
I want her to be happy.
I want to fight.

-Andi

@Nedim
One more thing.. when i talked with her today she also said that she doesn’t want to give him up for me. She doesnt want to lose what she has now 🙁
..but i want to provide what she wants :/

i guess thats why its sooo hard for her to give me a second chance.. 🙁

@Nedim
Im sorry that we didnt have contact for quite some time now.. but ill try to catch up now 🙂

So..

Yes she deffenitely is building walls. She litterally told me today that i’m just not the type of person that she’s looking for, which i think is kind off bullshit since i obviously was that for more than a year! So why shouldnt i be that again?
Sadly she says that she doesnt see a way to go back and she told me that she is happy now which she wasn’t with me at the end. Sadly that is true..
I didnt ask her if she loved that other guy but it seems like it.. i hope its a rebound relationship if it is a relationship at all… 🙁
At the moment i have contact to her everyday and just yesterday she was going out with some friends and she wrote me that she misses the physical contact with me. I guess thats the most that i can pray for at the moment.. :/
I am afraid that if i would stop the contact with her again she’ll forget me again. I might feel better afterwards but i guess it would make it impossible to have a new relationship.
I feel like i might lose her 🙁

We decided to meet up on the 29th and since there is a “big” firework in my city i hope that i can get her to go with me to that. The firework is the ending of a amusement park that is always here in may and i am planning to take some rides with her and have a great time and then at night watch the firework and go for a walk if that’s possible.
I will try to have as much fun with her as possible and maybe have a romantic scene in the ferris wheel.. who knows what might happen 🙂

About her and the other guy again, she told me that she can now share her hobbies with him and what not and when i told her that i also got interested in music(als),culture, literature and also partying she said that that doesn’t matter anymore and i could even bevome a musical artist and it just would not work out because i am not the type of person she is looking for (which i still disbelieve!)

I asked her if she thinks that he would fight for her as much as i do and she said “no because he is like me. He would try a few times but then accept my decussion because love has to come from both or it won’t work out. When you know that it is the right person then you dont have any doubt.” I dont know what to think about that. Obviously everybody has doubts in their relationship and exactly that behavior makes me think that it is “just” a rebound relationship because
#1 now she has someone to share her hobbies wirh, which makes her feel good.
#2 he treated her better than i did in the end. I am not proud of that but it happened and i wish i had given her everything but i just didnt see it. But now i do!
I pray that during her time in london she has a lot of distance to him and has a lot of contact with me :/
I also hope that i can visit her for a few days over there..
i really dont want to sound like a douchebag but i kind of hope that they argue quite a bit and that she talkst to me because of that. I want to be there for her and i dont want him to be there for her!

Actually i cant believe that 2 (!!!)months have passed since the breakup. It feels like we were together just last week..
And even more incredible is that fact that she will be longer in london than we are now single!
I think that is somewhat crazy!
but it also gives me hope that during her time in london even more can happen and she might love me again.

i dont know why but i never had this REALLY in depth bond to friends of mine.. just to the girl i love..my ex
I somehow generally have those big emotional bonds to other persons. I really love my family but sometimes we dont have a lot of contact for maybe even a month. Thinking about it makes me feel like i am weird and my ex also didnt understand why i dont talk to my friends about that in depth stuff or why i have a bit of a weird relationship to my dad for example.. i dont know.. i guess that’s just who i am. As long as i have this in depth bond to my girlfriend everything is fine ^^

What kind of pictures did she send? ^^

Oh i am sorry for that.. did you have the filming yet now? 🙂

i also wanted to travel around with my ex.. especially today at my birthday i though a lot about how much i would like to be with her at a sandy beach now and drink alcohol and listen to music and dance and you know.. have a great time.. i also would love to travel during the summer with her but since i cant do that with her anymore i just really hope that i can visit her in london! 🙂

—–
Now to your second post ^^
—–

I know exactly how you feel and i am absolutely sorry for you 🙁
Today i am really down myself and especially after she told me about how happy she is with him and that i am not the type she’s looking for… i felt like crying from time to time 🙁
To make me feel better i took her shirt out of the box i keep it in and put it on a pillow. My heart is now melting.. that’s the second time that i grabbed it out of that box and i feel like absorbing the smell and never letting go of it again..
i fill my lungs with the air that comes trough the shirt and it’s just.. wow..

The fact that i had alreaddy forgotten her about a month ago gives me strength that i know that i am not completely lost without her. Altough i feel like i am..
i just dont find joy anymore in the things that i do. All the time i think to myself how great it would be if i could share this very moment with her.
i guess as long as we dont move forward we will always have ups and downs and we will never be sure what the right thing to do is going to be BUT i also think that i just have to set my mind into getting her back because i KNOW how good it’s going to feel and hopefully be.

Hm well maybe she didnt workout at all but sent the picture.. who knows. But atleast she tries to do so and i guess thats a good thing! 🙂

So there is’nt really a topic that you talk about with her?

—–
Message #3:
—–

Huh.. don’t feel down because of that “:D” if you do. I think that smiley was some kind of self protection so she doesnt seem vulnerable to the others.

I feel quite a relief now that i wrote all that and again, im sorry that i wasnt able to write sooner!
Best of luck!

-Andi

@Nedim

Yes.. luckily but I think she mentioned something about him visiting her every 2 weeks or something but I think that was if they came together which I don’t think they have ^^

I feel the very same way.. I knew everything about her and what she was doing and now I .. idk.. I have to ask for it and there is also a lot that I don’t know but I’d like to know..

It sure does sound evil but hey.. do what helps you getting her back or over her ;D
Good luck with it anyways! 😀

huh.. I think it’s quite odd that she gained weight but seems like she worked on herself just like we did. She got more courageous which is definitely good for her.
My ex is a model to me..although she always worried about her weight – but which woman doesn’t 😀

Good that you aren’t down as much anymore! 🙂
Did your thoughts to that girl ever change during or after the relationship?
I myself am quite down when I think of her. Even when doing something with my friends or having a great experience, I’m like: “I’d give anything to share this moment with her”.
I do know what caused the breakup and I did change those things and also now I am aware of them and I would notice it if something like that happens again. Probably even before it actually happens. But the main problem is that she does not want to give me another chance. She is afraid that I might behave the same way after some time and that she has to suffer from it again. I do understand her but it cripples me and my heart that she just refuses to try again. Now that both of us improved ourselves and learnt from our mistakes. Especially I did.. a lot..

To be honest I have a bit of a weird relationship to my friends. We have really funny moments together and share a lot but we never really talk(ed) about very private stuff. I now slowly started with it and it still feels a bit strange but it gets better with time ^^

Meeting her is definitely the best choice.. there very well might be a lot of heartache afterwards but you have to try it…

haha good job on your weight ! 😀

So.. today my ex came back from London and she arrived in Berlin and had to take a bus to her city. While she was on the bus I thought I’d give it a try and tell her about me and how I think about us and how I changed now and it actually made her think and she was insecure about her decision and that’s everything I could’ve wished for. When she arrived at home she went to bed immediately because she was tired which was fine aswell. I think I did a good job with not mentioning the relationship / breakup while she was in London but having fun with her and now showing her again how important she is to me. She even said: “I don’t know what to say.. it’s incredible how much you want all that.. but … I was so unhappy so often…” and also “It also hurts me to read all that and it makes me feel insecure”. I hope I kind of got through this barrier of hers which says “This is a definite decision. Nothing will change. Don’t trust him. He will hurt you.”
Let’s see what happens tomorrow..
If she doesn’t mention it I’ll try to be a good friend again tomorrow and just make her have a great time again and not make her feel bad about us.

I still miss her so much…every day

-Andi