all one

Hahaha, I also read tarot readings and it also said I should better move on. I never went on those sites before, but the first few days of our break up, I was a frequent guest there. :facepalm:

I agree, that would be so awesome if we were actual friends, not just virtual.:) We would go out and drink and forget about our pain and struggles!

Thank you, Bat! I read “sneaky signs” and what he did can indeed be seen as such. I just thought that after 2 months of NC we are kinda passed that. That we should be in that phase where bad emotions and being forgotten, and when it’s time to make first positive move. This back and forth game confuses me. And worries me. I thought we’re getting on the right track, and now this… I don’t know. :-/

Dear moonbunny, you’re right, I did delete that app, but I installed it back again. Wanted to see if he maybe sent me some challanges (because I thought we’re starting to communicating again). Boy, was I wrong. :-/

Do you think I should continue trying…? In my mind, this is kind of msg from him saying “It’s over, you’re unfriended, don’t keep trying”.

Thank you, Mia. You’re advice is really golden.

I’m gonna take some time off of that drama and focus on myself and what makes me happy. I’m really mentaly and emotionally exhausted. I feel like I’ve been sick and now need to get back my strength.

There is, nevertheless, something I want to share with you. It worries me a lot.

I met my ex when he was in a process of dumping his ex gf. She, as I remember, did everything that I’m doing now. She (after few initial “mistakes”) went NC on him. You could really tell he was over her and wanted to find someone new. (Me- he was chasing me for months, but I know for a fact that he had a contact with several other girls- that he put to the end when we became more “serious”). So, she did everything. No contact. Trying to make him jealous. Friendly messages. Kept it sweet and short. (Long story short- she did EVERYTHING this program suggests). And, well nothing worked, obviously.

He told me about every message she sent and any time she called. I am usually jealous person, but this time I wasn’t jealous, because I was so 100% certain he was 100% over her. The way he talked about her made me sure about that. There was no doubt in my mind. In fact, he sent me forward almost all of her mails, without me asking to.

In the end, she became desperate (about a year- or even more after their break up). Her messages became really emotional and sad. I felt bad for her. We both thought that it’s really sad she still misses him after all this time (and despite the fact she had a new bf- the one she was initially mentioning to make her and my ex jealous).

Now my thoughts are… she played her cards by the book. And it didn’t work. Sure, there was me back then. But I’m sure he wouldn’t get back with her even if he was single.

I know which his thoughts and reactions were… and that scares me. I don’t think this will work on him. :-/ He had already been there, and he’s obviously immune to NC and everything else.

When it’s over for him- then it’s over, I’m afraid. :-/

Please, give me your thoughts on this matter.

I think I went a long way since he left me. I’ve certainly been reflecting a lot. I know I did him so wrong. He was good and cuddly teddy bear and I was horrible to him. 🙁

if I had one more chance, I’d do everything right.
I hope he’ll give me that chance.

Dear moonbunny, thank you for your concern. I’m doing much better. I’m seeing the irony in my situation- I prayed so hard about getting a call from him and thought about that daily, and it finally did happen, but- by his words- by mistake. It’s kinda funny in that “god has a sick sense of humour” way. But I do appreciate the irony.:)

I’m not giving up. I’ll send him a letter in 3 weeks time. Hopefully, he’ll call me once more before that.

Honestly, I don’t know… If this today didn’t happen, I’d send him a letter in 2-3 weeks time saying we should catch up, that I’m doing much better and don’t hold grudge… you know, the usual “magic letter” stuff.

But yes, I was hoping we would get together at one point. I can wait, obviously. But I need to have a clear vision, something worth waiting for.

Tonight, he didn’t take an opportunity to start a small talk, ask me how I was doing, … anything. He was short and simple. No questions.

I wonder, am I the only one who is hurting. Who is trying to find a solution. I am visiting this site daily, have 114 posts, read about break ups and reconsiliations, male psychology, trying to improve myself… working my ass off, hurting really badly, crying myself to sleep… only to come at this wall.

It seems it was all in vain. I just feel sooooo disappointed and even cheated.

I’m really out of any life force and life energy right now. I’m gonna go to bed, hope new day will clear my thoughts.

Thank you so much for reading, I don’t know what would I do without this forum!!

All this NC stuff was for nothing.

Thank you, everyone who tried to help.

I give up. Won’t be coming to this site any more. The game is for me over.