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Day 11 and I’m miserable and feel like I made no real progress.
I actually went on a date last night, and while the guy was fun, nice and attractive, all I could do was compare him to my ex. In ways, it just made me even more upset at the fact he’s not in my life. I never expected our relationship would end in such a way and I would give anything in the world just to go back and make things right.
Also, I should add that his parents are coming to visit next month. I feel like once he tells them we broke up and they’re happy about it … my chances are done :'(
I am holding out hope that he will change his mind … but I’m trying very hard to also just focus on myself, grieving my aunt and doing better. I went to see a therapist and she says I need to push him out of my mind, at least for now. Which is easier said than done.
I am hopeful, but at the same time I keep rereading old messages and playing back conversations where he was very adamant that nothing would change and he thought breaking up was best for our futures … so it’s hard. I don’t know.
I think him saying he misses you and wants to see you again soon is a good sign.
But in the meantime, have you been doing things to make YOU happy? I know it seems almost impossible, but really try and focus on doing stuff to make you better, which overall makes you more attractive. If he comes back, great! If not, even better, because you’re going to be an even better version of yourself.
It’s been about 6 months, right? I feel like for men, this is the time things kick in.
Hey Patricia,
How is your situation going? With a past relationship, I found the “spark” always fades, but that’s not what really matters. You just need to remind him of why you were together in the first place, and it was more than just a spark in the beginning,
You see very sweet and genuine, I hope it works out for you.
I am definitely going to stay no contact and thank you for your condolences. It’s been a very difficult time.
However, for context, he doesn’t hold the same views as his parents. He’s atheist, for one, and would always disagree with Indian friends of his who were miserable and single because they were following their parents’ view of dating and marriage. He even made me what the Netflix documentary “Meet the Patels” about an Indian-American guy who dumps his white girlfriend to do the all arranged marriage thing, but then realizes what he did and gets back with his ex.
He would always comment how he doesn’t want to be one of those people who doesn’t have happiness because of his parents’ old school views. Then … he does this.
I could be reading too much into these things, but this is what I mean when I say what he’s doing doesn’t align with his words, and more importantly, his actions.
I really appreciate your honest response!
There’s a lot I left out of my original post but I’ll try to be brief: During the breakup, my aunt was very sick. He came to the hospital to speak with her (he’s a doctor) and after that I stayed over and we slept together. On the night my aunt died, he was there, with me and my family. The night after, he slept over my place, but we just cuddled, didn’t do anything.
Throughout this, he kept saying he wished things were different but his parents won’t change. The only reason I had a glimmer of hope is because from his actions (and knowing him) it feels as if he’s going completely against how he really feels and his own personal beliefs.
But I am staying strong, one day at a time!
Day 7 of no contact and I’m going nuts. I thought he would at least text me a “thanks” after receiving the clothes I mailed him back, but nothing.
But I have been working on myself: I’ve been running, bought some new books, am going to take a belly dance class and even go on a date Thursday!
Even though I’m losing faith, I started to devise some sort of plan for it I contact him after 30 days: I’m going to call him and ask to meet up so I can apologize for how I acted post breakup…and just take it from there. I have to see his reaction before I get into how I would like to send his mother a gift and take Farsi classes.
Does this sound like a good plan or just hopeless?
Stay strong. I’m on a Day 6 on NC, and not sure that I’m even going to contact him after 30 days is up. I feel like this should be a time of focusing on yourself, even if it feels impossible. I’ve been plotting in my head how to get my ex back after 30 days, but I realized that if he in fact is completely done with me, I would’ve just wasted a whole month I could’ve been healing.
I know it’s hard, I really do, but please try to hold out and just focus on making yourself happy and improving yourself for you. I’m far from there, but in time, we will get better.
Thank you. It’s Day 5 and I’m feeling very weak and like I am kidding myself. I hope as time goes on it’ll get better.
So I was putting away laundry and found a sweatshirt and tshirt of his that he left at my apartment. So I just mailed it back — no note, no letter, nothing.
Will he think I am done with him? I don’t want him to think that … but I’ve already said everything I could and it’s supposed to be no contact.
Thank you for your replies Patricia,
His parents are not in NY. He sees them a few times a year, as his father primarily lives in Tehran, and the mom goes back and forth between there and Toronto to see him.
He lives in Manhattan, I live in Brooklyn, but work in Manhattan. So we do live nearby, but not so close that I’ll necessarily be running into him.
After he broke up with me (June 13) I was texting him constantly, we would talk on and on about it, saw him a few times to talk it out, cried, did everything wrong. I finally initiated no contact 3 days ago. I feel like such a crazy person, because that’s not usually how I act, at all. I just feel so bewildered.
I am from here, he moved from Iran to Toronto (very similar to the U.S.) when he was about 12 and has lived here in NYC for the past 3 years and is working here permanently.
The reason this is so shocking because this is not who he is. Everything that has happened over this month has been a complete 180 from how he usually is. I didn’t even have the opportunity to meet his parents, which I believe would have made a difference. It’s just so painful to face the reality that this could be over for good.
