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My ex boyfriend is in relation with me for 2.5years. He is 22 and i am 20. He broke up with me 1.5month ago. I have a bone fracture,doctors recommended me 6months bed rest. I even lost job. So my emotions were not in control. I am becoming fat due to bed rest. I asked him if he would leave me if i became fat. He said he is not sure and want beautiful girlfriend. With his words my insecurity feelings raised and we both argued thrice regarding beauty topic.one n8 i said angrily that “u committed seeing my character but now u r valuing beauty.i am losing hope on u day b day”. Then he said he is depressed with my behaviour and angrily broke up with me. Then i apologised him,requested to b with me. After 1week he contacted me. That time i acted needy and contacted him more though he is not interested. One n8 he said he is not interested in relationship,and wants me as a friend. I didnt agree. I begged him to be in relation.i texted him,called,mailed for 15days though not frequently. He is ignoring me all the time.
I started NC since 10 days. I didnt heard anything from him since a month. My other negative aspects besides insecurity is over thinking,over emotions. I think i frightened him and pushed him further with these aspects. His last word is “i am unhappy with u,no guy can bear u.i want to concentrate on career”. WHAT DO YOU THINK ARE THE REASONS FOR OUR BREAKUP? The fact is i am becoming fat due to bed rest. I cant go out,my job is lost. I am so depressed. I thought he will support me,but he left me. WILL HE COME BACK TO ME? Please help meee
Hi, Smily.
I am just like you. An overthinker. Worst, a negative one. I am insecure too. But that was before. The breakup and the no contact do me good. I am back in shape again. All round up and happy.
I see you just broken up. Just like you, before, my judgement is clouded because all I can think is I WANT HER BACK. No matter how bad, how ugly, how senseless our relationship is.
You arr just on the first stage of moving on so it is normal with your attitude. But looking from your story, it pains me to read that he lost his interest eith you day by day because you are fat and he wants a beautiful girlfriend. Wow, what a…
Would you want to be with someone who only obviously likes you before because you are beautiful? No. I guess, with him telling you that you no longer attract him is already a red flag
But I know too that no matter how much I tell you that he is a di** or you don’t deserve him, I know it wouldn’t lessen your desire to want him back. I was in your shoes months before and I would understand you.
If you really want to increase chances of getting back, then do no contact. I can never be sure with that but maybe somehow it will make him miss you. To do successful NC, don’t just do it for the sake of wanting him back. Improve yourself. Go out. Exercise. Be a person of positivity. And make it a habit. He lost interest because you are insecure and clingy. It is very unattractive. So might as well learn how to be confident and self sufficient. Good luck!
Smily,
Aside from him telling you that you are no linger beautiful, I can say that maybe he lost attraction because you are so dependent, clingy, desperate, needy and insecure.
You expect him to be there for you with your situation but maybe you have been so negative that it is weighing him down too. So maybe what he did is he pulled back and run away from you before your negativity drowns him.
It is wrong to expect him to make you happy, make up for your loss now, and put up with you. He has his own life too and own problems. Maybe he sees that you are not doing anything to get out of that situation. He knows you are sick but you are not paralyzed to not be able to make positive changes.
Maybe he sees you cannot compose yourself so don’t expect him to be there for you when you cannot be with yourself.
I mean, if you are sick I would take care of you. But if you are sick and you rant about everything even on nonsensical things, it would be suffocating for me. Some days I might be affected with your negativity. So that part makes the difference. If yoy are sick but you still find ways to make yourself happy, then it is no big deal. But if you are sick then you rant about everything about your situation, then it might be something. Maybe he got fed up with your emotional drama or negativity.
So i suggest, you get rid of those during NC. But do it for yoyrself first because if you do it for him, it will inly be temporary. You cannot make someone love you if you don’t love yourself.
Thank you.. I think he is very much frightened with my over emotions,negativity, dependency,insecure feeling. So,He lost interest in me. Other reason may be my beauty. But jus 2days before breaking up, he said he cant be without talking to me,without thinking of me. He said he is emotionally connected to me. But at the same time he said he want a beautiful girlfriend. He used to act confusingly right before breakup like he used to say he wants me, but he also wants a beautiful gf and asked me how many days i should wait for u to become beautiful.Even after breakup,he talked to me,he helped me in my work but again he said he is no longer interested in relationship and wants to concentrate on career. I was gone mad literally with his confused approach.
Because of his confused behaviour my insecurity feelings raised. Because of my accident and bed rest i am becoming fat. What fault i have? He also asked me to put braces for my teeth so that i can look even more pretty. But i did not consider his request. May be he was angry for that also. I AM SO CONFUSED WHY HE LEFT ME-BECAUSE OF MY NEGATIVE BEHAVIOUR,OR BECAUSE OF BEAUTY OR BECAUSE OF HIS PARENTS. HIS PARENTS ARE AGAINST OUR MARRIAGE. After breaking up,he gave this also as the reason that he don’t want to be against his parents. I truely agree that i have negative qualities. I want to rectify. I love him truly. DON KNOW WHY HE IS CHANGED.HE NEVER USED TO GIVE IMPORTANCE TO PHYSICAL APPEARANCE BUT SUDDENLY ACTED CONFUSINGLY. I want him back. I want to change my negative behaviour. I have any chance of getting him back if i improve myself???
Oh my. What a dickhead he is. Sorry but if you are insecure, clingy, desperate I would understand why he lost interest. But with him telling you you are fat and wanting you to put braces, that is a lot of red flag already.
I don’t think he loves you. Maybe he is saying that he is emotionally connected to you because you have been attached. But he wants you to change for him.
If you are pessimistic, I would understand him. But it really pisses me off that he is dictating you to change physically. He’s more concerned for you to be pretty than to get well because you are sick. Since when did you become his trophy?!
Sorry, Smily. But the next time you talk tell him I said he is a douche.
P. S. I am even so obssessed with my ex-girlfriend’s crooked tooth
P. P. S. I will ask my friends to give you advice 🙂
And if that is what he wants (for you to change physically plus your behavior) I think it wouldn’t hurt if you will do. But make sure you will be the one who will be benefiting the most for that change.
If he takes you back because you changed then good for you. But if he won’t, then I think it will not be your lost since you have improved yourself.
As for now, do NO CONTACT. And while doing NC improve yourself.
And please eat healthy and exercise so you won’t get sick. And read some self-help books online. And subscribe to sites where they promote positivity. I promise, it will do you a lot good.
Do 30days of NC. And when you can say that you are already improved and confident and healthy. Then try contacting him again.
Good luck, Smily! Don’t forget to smile! 🙂
Hi,
After reading all of that, I think you should follow the 5 step plan, do NC (I know its hard)
But no contact at all, and I know you may not be able to improve yourself due to been bed ridden etc…but I still think there are other things you could possibly do to try and keep yourself occupied.
Really try and forget about him for now, think of yourself and the pros and cons of the relationship.
If Im honest…you both are very young too and his attitude towards you etc I think you should maybe try and think about moving on…but right now…NC is the first step!
Hey,
I totally agree with what FestivalDavid said.Follow the plan and i think it will increase your chances.It must be especially difficult to go through this while you’re injured and can’t be physically active at all. I has an injury that kept me in bed for 13 weeks. Looking back, I regret not using the time to do something I’ve always wanted to do but don’t really have the time to do in my regular life. Something like teach myself to play the guitar using online tutorials, learning to knit, or another hobby/activity. Find something that interests you and try to stay busy.
Also, maybe it would do you a lot of good to change your negative outlook. But the physical thing is what is not right at all!!Thank you everyone for your feedback and support:) due to bed rest i cannot go out. But i will try to improve mentally. I will take this as challenge and i will improve. I too wanna forget him and move on because he values physical appearance more. But right now it is very difficult for me. I love him madly. And i am saying na, he is changed just from few months. Before he is not like this and never valued physical appearance. I strongly believe that he left me for my behaviour or for his career or for his parents. Its hard for me to believe that he left me for beauty.I wish he would be back caring and loving me like before.
LAST DOUBT,WILL BOYS LEAVE THIER GF FOR THEIR CAREER OR FOR PARENTS? I used to support him a lot in his career.Please help me. After 2weeks of no contact,my ex texted me on 15th day regarding my health and studies. We both are in same profession. I replied him regarding studies. Conversation is strictly limited to studies,we both thought of doing combined studies. He did not bring personal conversation nor i. I understood clearly that he is not interested in me or relation and he is completely concentrating on career, i too want to help him in career. What should i do now, shall i start no contact from beginning or reply if at all he texted me regarding studies
I’m not completely sure what you should do because I just started my NC actually.. But I thought it’s a good sign that he still is thinking of you 🙂 (I’m so new here so please correct me if I was wrong!!!)
Also, READ, I love your comments so much! If you don’t mind, could you take a look at my post?
May seem impossible but I want to try my best to get back with him
Please help me. I am new here. I should start NC from beginning or should i start professional contact with him.. Is it wise to avoid him, if he is trying to help me in studies?? He is only initiating to help me. I indirectly showed him that i am ok with breakup, and trying to focus on my health and studies
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