Wow..what a roller coaster!

@TravelBug. Thanks so much for your words. They really mean a lot. Here’s the letter (I revised it a bit since when I hand wrote it but this is the basic gist of it…:

Hey there xxxxx,

Something came in for you a couple days ago that I didn’t feel right if I didn’t get it out to you.  I will tell you about it later.  First, I wanted to clear the air between us.  I want you to understand that I accept our breakup wholeheartedly.  While I do think we were great together overall, the timing was just not quite right during that last month while you were at school for either one of us.  Our communication, which was so good in the first ten months, was crap during that last month on both our parts I feel. I think our relationship stressed us both out more than we could handle very well and whether or not something happens between us again in the future, I think that we both needed some time to ourselves for a little while.  

However, I feel like we left a lot of things unresolved between us and both of us were not in a good state for the last month or so we were together.  I can’t say I know exactly what you were going through out there, but I can at least say I have an idea and understand all your frustrations.  What you probably don’t know is that I, too, was going through a lot more that you didn’t even know about (yeah, I told you a bit that night when I came to visit, but there was a LOT of other things that weighed heavily on me including a couple major family issues and some personal struggles that I was fighting).  I didn’t communicate them with you as I knew you were stressed out already and didn’t want to put any more on your plate.

I’m not saying any of this to make you feel bad or as an excuse or anything. I just wanted to give you an idea of where I was coming from for that month or so.  It was probably one of the most difficult times of my life to date.

Now, I am a very strong individual, but all these things just hit at once and some of them were REALLY weighing on me.  I wasn’t really myself for a few weeks there.   Though not all those problems are gone completely, I am proud to say that it has made me a stronger person overall.

What I’m trying to say is I want to apologize.  That month or so I just saw the person I cared about the most hurting and not herself and I wanted to be there for her so bad, like I wanted someone to be there for me.  While I trusted you completely and wholeheartedly, I think it may have come across as a bit overbearing, and I think it stressed you out more and more, which was not my intention.  I just wanted to apologize for adding that extra stress and possible sadness in your life.  I just really cared for you and was really concerned about you and in my odd state didn’t know what else to do.  

I also wanted to apologize for anything I may have unintentionally said or done during or right after the breakup.  It was like the straw that broke the camel’s back for me at the time and I literally just broke down cause you literally meant the world to me and my coping mechanisms were already shot.  I’m sorry bear.

Those things being said, I just want to let you know that I still care about you as a person.  I respect and adore you just the way you are and for who you are.   You are an amazing person who I respect as an equal no matter how many things we may or may not disagree on.  Don’t ever forget that.  Yes, YOU ARE ENOUGH!  Always have been and always will be and don’t let anyone tell you any differently.

When I heard you got into the sorority I was so happy for you I literally had the biggest smile on my face and did an imaginary fist pump.  I wanted to say congratulations but also wanted to give us both time to grieve.  So, congrats, xxxxx.  They are lucky to have you in their sisterhood.   I truly believe that and am glad you are finally starting to meet people and find your niche out there.  

While I don’t know what the future holds for me, you, or us, I can say that I’d love to continue to have you in my life.  We are both different people who live different lives, but we somehow developed an amazing friendship that I would LOVE to continue and let thrive.  I think we have so much we can both provide to each other and enhance each others’ lives.    We may not talk a lot especially while you’re in college and busy with your classes and activities out there and I’m busy with my life out here, but I’m sure we can still have a thriving friendship if we both want to do so.  But I also  know that friendship runs both ways so it is also up to you as to whether our friendship is something you’d like to have in your life too.  I am prepared to let you be if I need to as well because there’s no use spinning my wheels on someone who isn’t available as even a friend.

That being said, man, so much has happened for me in this last month and I am so excited to share.  Much of the problems of the past month have been resolved and the ones that aren’t yet I am working on (those are all long stories).  I’ve found a ton of new passions and even rekindled some old ones I forgot I had.  Literally, my life just took a complete 180 it seems and I have so much going on both in business as well as personal and even thoughts and beliefs, which I won’t get into in this letter as it is neither the time nor the place, but I’m sure we can catch up sometime when life has died down a bit for both of us and we each have a bit more free time.  

Ok, so what’s in the folder and what’s it all about?  It really is a long story, but I will try to make it short.  I don’t know if you remember, but a few months into our relationship we were talking about what our hopes and dreams and goals and such are.  You shared with me your passion for acting and theater (which I really admired and is a part of what attracted me to you in the first place btw) and how one of your favorite actors was Tom Hanks and favorite movies was Forest Gump.  I wound up writing to Tom explaining how my girlfriend was going into acting and asked if he could write a brief few words of encouragement for her because I know the industry can be quite tough.  While I didn’t actually receive a note, he did send this autographed picture of him as Forest Gump for you.  It arrived a few days ago and I didn’t feel comfortable keeping it or selling it as it is rightfully yours.  I believe in you in everything you do, bear, and apparently so does Mr. Hanks. 😛

Hope you’re having a wonderful time at school out there and perhaps I will talk to you soon.  Either way, just know that I am always in your corner, whatever you may need.  It’s just how I am with people I care about.

With love,

Xxxxxx