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Well today, sh*t hit the fan. Literally 5 days after ending our relationship of over 2 and a half years, my ex girlfriend started a new relationship with a co-worker 8 years older then her. I didn’t find out about this until day 17 of NC (or Active No Contact as I have tried to follow from elsewhere.) At first I thought yeah I saw this coming, it’s just a rebound. But I wasn’t totally convinced, thinking about our last few months together and now this something didn’t add up for it to be a straightforward rebound.
Today I read into G.I.G.S. (Grass Is Greener Syndrome). I could not believe it when I read an example which was pretty much a to the word account of my exact situation. GIGS, in my opinion is a far far worse scenario than a rebound.
Does anyone here have any advice on how I can go about getting her back before she goes down a very slippery slope? I stayed in NC for a further 13 days, making my 30 and sent her a happy memory text to which I have had no reply. I am thinking of another 15-20 days NC as I know I can improve myself further.
My ex is a wonderful, lovely, beautiful girl who shows plenty of talent and potential. It’s for this reason I am very concerned about her unusual behaviour as a result of G.I.G.S. and would not want to see her in a worse situation even as an observing friend.
i havent read the grass is always greener article or book you’re referring to but can only advise to keep staying NC. I don’t know much about your relationship but improving yourself and having her wonder whats going on with you is your ultimate tool to use to your advantage.
If i could guess from her actions, whether its a rebound or GIAGS, she may be emotionally unstable and seeking a fresh romance that you once had with her… or a new start with someone… if you follow the NC rule… i believe your ex will eventually realize that the grass isn’t always greener.
Remember, the thing about a rebound is that shes looking for something… when she starts to realize that this rebound cant provide that “something” to fill the void she will look back at you- knowing that you were always there to provide support and love for her. although if this happens it doesnt mean that shes yours again… you still need to play your cards right.
work on yourself, continue NC and believe that things will work out how they are supposed to.
The crappy part is you really can’t stop her. She wants to go and explore if you convince her to stay she will have that curiosity in the back of her mind forever. You gotta let her do her thing and do yours, try to stay no contact and be an attractive person, more so than when you were together, hopefully she will realize what she lost but honestly it could be months before she does. Good luck and I hope it turns out well.
Thanks guys, it’s so unfortunate, I thought I had my plan worked out on how to get her back and I had been doing great. Now it seems, I’m going to have to work even harder.
The article I read mentioned that GIGS is very common with girls aged between 18-25 (my ex is 19) and is where a she starts getting cold feet in a relationship that has lasted 2 years or more. Our relationship started when we were pretty young age wise, she was 16, me 17. So you could say we grew up together, becoming adults in the process.
GIGS occurs when she notices other guys give her attention, that was certainly the case when I noticed she started texting another guy literally right under my nose. Eventually I questioned her about him and she explained he is a co-worker and “just a friend” and wouldn’t go near him since he is 27. The article mentions that she would start fantasising about a relationship with this “friend” when she realises “is this it? Is this who I’m going to be with for the rest of my life?”
My ex and I were talking about plans for the future and I was looking forward to making extra commitment. It would be at this point she suddenly wants out the relationship but doesn’t have a legit reason so analyses every negative thing to try escape with an excuse.
So it’s very disheartening to think that while I thought very highly of her and treated her like something special she still thinks that she can do better. All our mutual friends know she has made a very stupid mistake and that we are very much perfect for each other. I hope she realises this sooner rather than later, though I just know her new guy is treating her so much better.
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