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Hi Kevin,
My ex and I have been together for 4 years. We met when we were 15 years old and we both are each other’s first bf/gf. He went away for school last year and it was really hard because we would fight a lot. I didn’t feel like he was putting effort into our relationship at all. I felt like I had to fight for his attention. All he wanted to do was be with his friends and drink and party and he knew I had trouble with that. So he would drink behind my back and watch porn behind my back and lie to me about it. So I was really hurt and we would fight a lot. He came back from school for summer break and we were good in the beginning but then he suddenly ended things. He says that he has no feelings for the relationship because of all the fighting that went on when he was away. I did beg and text and call all the time trying to fight for our relationship but I know that pushed him away. Once he broke up with me, he started to continue to drink and do the stuff that hurts me. We got back together and he told me he missed me and that he was happy with me and that he wanted to marry me but a week later, he completely changed and ended it again. I don’t believe that he left me because he had no feelings because he says he was happy. I believe he left me so he could go back to school and be free and not have to worry about me back at home. I am hurt because he has never been this way towards me. Once he went away to school, he changed on me. He always was respectful of me and caring and never treated me this way. He is away at school now and we haven’t spoken in about 2-3 weeks. He denies that that is the reason but me, along with his whole family don’t believe that his reasoning are true nor make sense. I am just scared that he is going to love this life he wants more than he did with me. All he does is hang with his friends 24/7 so I feel like he does not think about me like I do him. This is really hard because he’s never done this before. He assured me before he left that I don’t have to worry about him getting with girls because he would never do that to me. I just feel like he’s taking me for granted and assuming I will always be here waiting when he is done with school. It is selfish and unfair to me. What can I do so he can realize he is making a mistake and this life he wants won’t bring him happiness. Could you email me for advice.
I’m having almost same situation. My ex bf changed due to his college and whrn he met new friends.
We both had our future plans together and were serious for eachother.We also haven’t talked about 3-4 weeks.
But I was the one who broke up because he too was lying to me. He too was doing things which I hated the most. Didnt give me time.
You just follow the 5 steps and leave the rest on god.
Everything happens for a reason. 🙂
Take careTHIS IS LIKE SERIOUSLY THE SAME THING as me!
We broke up once the first time then he came crying back saying that he loved me and he’ll never leave me again and that he wants to marry me one day.
A couple weeks later summer came and he began hanging out with his friends 24/7 and these two girls they kept bringing around himHe ended up breaking up with me and I don’t understand how someone could just act like they love you so much and say that they would marry you and change their mind in a second.
What’s hard for me and probably for you is the fact that they have so many distractions. They’re always with their friends doing crazy shit to keep them from missing you or feeling sad.
I think you should just follow the 5 step plan.
How far away is he at school from you?YES! He is with his friends all day everyday. He isn’t sitting in his room crying like I am. This is why Im afraid that he wont come back while hes at school because im just not crossing his mind. Once he let these new friends into his life, he changed. He isnt the same guy i fell in love with 4 years ago. The man I know promised me he would never leave me and would stick to that promise. We were on and off all summer and when we were together, he told me he was happy so thats why I dont believe he doesnt have feelings for me.
He goes to school 6 hours away from me. I was supposed to go with him this year but he broke up with me in the summer. I ended up going for the first 2 weeks and left because I was so depressed over there by being at his school and not being with him. I would see him like once a day for like 5 minutes. The sad part is, i went FOR HIM and then he does this to me. So now, im back home picking up the pieces to my life with no school or anything.
I am currently following the plan. I havent talked to him in 2-3 weeks, I just got a job so I am trying to not be home sad all the time. I just feel like the “no contact rule” wont work because hes perfectly fine with not talking to me. And when he does talk to me, its a simple text like ” Hope everything is okay with you” and thats it.
Hey Alexa,
I know this is a really difficult situation youre going through and im sorry. When people go away to college, its a freedom that they’ve never experienced before. They feel like they can do whatever they want. You have alot working against you, he’s new in college, 6 hours away, and you’re home doing nothing = recipe for disaster.My advice is to continue NC. If you were together for that long then he obviously loves you but is definately taking you for granted. You need to show him that just because he is off doing his own thing, that you can do the same. Go on some dates and become friends with more people. When he sees that “the girl that would never leave him, does, hes going to freak out”.
This is true just follow the steps. It was 4 years that’s a long time he can’t just get over it.
He may seem fine or even think he’s fine right now but it will hit him. And it will hit him whenever he realizes you’re not going after him and he’s lost you.
I myself cannot even take me own advice though because I know how hard it is being the one who’s always home crying when they’re the ones always out having a good old freaking jolly time.
In my situation I have another girl put in there too which makes things even harder and seem darker at the end of the tunnel and like there’s no hope and he’s moved onIt’s just crazy how similar out ex’s are. Totally changed as a human being. Not the person you fell in love with. Has so many distractions to make him happy.
But what’s best to do if not contact him for 30 days maybe even a little longer and just try to become a better you. Try to heal. Go workout. Go meet new people. Maybe go on some dates. (Dating other people didn’t help me though it made things worse) but that’s just me.
But good luck girl I’m rooting for you! And here to cry with you cause were in the same boat pretty much haha.
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