What to do if after nc, it’s going good then you fail bad?

So long story! Sorry but it helps show the mixed emotions and crazyness I have gone through for love. And maybe this will help form an opinion on my ex that i love but that is also crazy.
I know I shouldnt put in this much effort for someone who treated me this way. But love is love sometimes.

My ex grew distant for months kept saying we aren’t right for one another, I was able to convince her to stay, she battled depression and life changes after finishing her PhD and finding work. Etc. It affected our relationship and things went downhill from there. She had unfulfilling work and was mad at life and the cards she was dealt. I eventually even got her a dream job in her field from my cousins connection.

I supported her got her on anti depressants, and was always there for her. We got along great and never fought. But we did with her commitment to putting in more time and effort into me. Which I don’t consider a deal breaker because if you live together etc this doesn’t really matter. And she was never on time or was hard to make plans with, would never commit to times was distant and we grew apart when her work got overwhelming and her depression got bad.

She’s a extreme introvert with no emotion NONE and hard to read. She doesn’t like being wanted for sex at all, doesn’t crave it, she does put out and has fun once it began though, but I could never chase it just or put moves on. She doesn’t get turned on that way. It had to be asked for.

Anyways She felt I was to emotional for her, I treated her really good and became “needy” so to speak because she wouldn’t give me attention I deserved. I NEVER got any affection. I mean none.She is used to giving scraps. Her ex dealt with this for 10 years as she did her PhD, she admitted it, and he was driven nuts by it.

She’s inexperienced and doesn’t know what it takes to maintain a relationship. She seems to think because I stand up for myself and complain about things that women should do in a normal relationship that means we are not compatible, she’s use to her ex agreeing and letting her do what she wants showering her with gifts. And then getting the scraps after, she was done with school etc. he wasn’t very good looking, and she is really pretty. Like out of his league.So of course he spoilt her to keep her.

She has grass is greener attitude. We dated over a year, and at one point it was great. I really love her and I don’t know why she never cared much for me or showed any emotion yet I have never been this hurt over a girl leaving.

Anyways this girl has been driving me nuts, she started the break up process a day after our anniversary when i was wondering why she was distant after our great night together. Telling me she met a guy, and wanted to see where it goes…

She did actually see him as a friend supposedly and he was from work. She denied it meant anything after, she did it to breakup with me, she tried to leave several times and she was like you wouldn’t let me leave.. I asked her multiple times and i now believe her. I said I still wanted to work on it she agreed too and stuck around but by the end of the week her heart wasn’t in it. So im like wtf? Comon your not even trying. So she said we should break up.

Week goes by, we have the final breakup chat. She says she needs to do this but talks about moving on but also it being a break. Giving me mixed signals like it isn’t permanent.

I go nc for 3 weeks, contact her. She invited me for dinner that same night and pays. Have a great time I healed so I thought I was confident did all the right things. She was into me. I said I didn’t tell my cousins yet about our situation. She’s like just tell him. We’re working on things.. To me that’s a positive lead in. Night went awesome.

Anyways I text her a day or two later and say I don’t want to rush things and she doesnt to, she likes things How they are and doesn’t want to rush back into things. Fair enough. But then I take that as stringing me along. I know how she is and indecisive and non committal.

So I let my emotion take over and rushed the after breakup talk instead of waiting because i wasn’t sticking around to be played more if it won’t work out or because i still thought she cheated and was denying it still , but who knows for sure. Because I didn’t want to be fucked around. Anyways of course it went crappy. She got annoyed etc, anyways few days later I invite her to my cousin’s birthday at the club so she can thank him for the job he got her,

She agrees reluctantly.

Anyways we train it to the downtown, she’s somewhat cold at first. I get her to warm up, i then take her to dinner holding her hand walking downtown

We go to a restaurant and have an amazing meal and conversation , she says i feel bad saying this “but i feel i have to date others to know if your the one”. I say i won’t be the one i’ll be gone.

Anyways, we goto the club, have a great time she grinds on me i spent the whole time with her,
She drank to much and gets sick at the club.

I have to take her home, and were far from home. And the trains have stopped running and its buses only or cabs or uber. She keeps puking etc, im helping her, anyways i get her home, i have to clean her up bathe her dry her, get her in bed. I take care of her and she stays over.

Anyways come morning she’s all over me cuddling me and touching me,we were kissing, never did this before in months. It was awesome,we chatted etc and i took her home. We kissed goodbye.

Anyways she made more plans with me, she offered to take me out to dinner and the next week she wanted to come over for dinner. Things were looking good.

But on one of the days she wouldn’t commit to, i had a feeling. And i was still thinking she might have been seeing that guy or something, which is a deal breaker for me fuck that not taking a cheater back, i now know she wasn’t. But i wanted to see before getting emotional invested again if i could trust her. So i went by her place late and her car wasn’t there on that night.

Anyways the next day i’m like oh what did you do how was your night, she’s like oh gym etc, im like oh we should have met for dinner that night instead of rushing after doing errands on the other night we planned to meet, then she’s like well i was looking at training videos for work as well etc… so there i confronter her and her lies. I’m like i feel like you have been lying to me and i know you are, where were you? Were you out with friends? Are you dating that guy are you seeing someone? I said your free to date or do whatever but i don’t like that your sneaky about it, or don’t know if you were continuing something from cheating.

She tried to deny that she was still home and her car was in the garage, im like your dads car wasn’t there.

Anyways she finally admitted to seeing her ex. They broke up after a domestic and haven’t talked or seen each other since. He was in Vancouver and she moved back to Toronto when I met her. Well He’s back in town from vancouver and flying out to live in australia. And she just got back into contact after we broke up. Kinda weird timing, i’m like are you seeing him or what? She’s like no we are just talking. She did tell me she reconnected with him at our first catch up dinner, and she totally didn’t have to tell me that information. I think she’s using him as emotional support. She said it wasn’t my business anyways, which it wasn’t but lying about even going out its too far.

Anyways in trying to get the truth i fucked up my progress. I was needy and kept her on the phone annoying her trying to explain why i did that, she wasn’t mad at that but because i kept circling my conversation and repeating. Which happens when the other person doesn’t give input at all… only natural.. Which is one of the reasons she left me.

And shes like we need space. We then met a day later in person and she was a cold bitch was like we’re done i can’t be with you were not right for one another. Etc. i plead a bit, for a chance to date slowly, and i was like wtf we had a connection the other night, she denied it meant anything and blew it off and was just mean when i was confronting her about it, yet when i shut up we were fine shopping together. Like this girl is nuts lol..

Anyways i give her space for a few days and decided i didn’t like how mean she was to me after the weekend and how i took care of her when i didn’t need too. So i wrote an email demanding better treatment, etc and stop being hot and cold with me. Or else im gone, im not being strung along or a plan b, while she dates. To see if i’m the one.
Well that went as expected and she agreed to break off all contact for ever etc…

I’m like ok let’s meet in person one last time say our goodbyes. We do, have a good chat it was calm but she likes were not right for one another and shes like no i don’t want to date you or want a relationship, i said then i’m gone and you’ll be blocked for life. I could see her get upset, then she totally goes along with it happily like it was her idea. and pulls out her phone and blocks me lol. Anyways i said i’ll give you a week to rethink it, if i don’t hear from you i won’t be talking to you again. That cool? She says yes, and i say if your just saying that so i’ll finally leave just tell me now, she’s like no i will think, and then as im leaving I say you’ll actually consider it and contact me? And she says yes, so i’ll leave anyways this was like 5 days ago now.

I went no contact since, and i’m wondering if i should go no contact for a month? Let it cool off again? Or wait for her to contact me like she said if she wanted to date, Which i don’t think will happen, shes not the type to ever chase,
My birthday is in 2 more weeks, as well so maybe she might say something. So i don’t know, or maybe she will be stubborn and expect me to email her, since im blocked on her phone now or chase her.

She did say she was about to meet someone off tinder when we were talking and i feel this will give her time to rebound and start something. But i think she needs to see what out there is about and how guys dont put up with shit like i did and are quality. Or she needs to get played. And realize what a good guy she left. I was always nice to her and got her random gifts and showered her with attention. She has put me through a mess of emotions, and i know she’s been horrible to me and i shouldn’t even bother. But man, i loved her so much.

And now after healing im fucked up again, it’s like i broke up all over again.

What should i do to salvage this forever? Let her free? Or get her before she moves on, or will she realize her mistake and maybe I let her chase me? She’s not the type to chase though.

I really don’t want to be seconds, but i think it’s a matter of her inexperience and i would be always fighting this regardless of how well the relationship went if we reconnected.

Advice?

Thanks.