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Well, sounds like you’re moving forward. Good for you. She might come back around, or you might need to give it a little more time. Are the mutual friends keeping you informed of what she’s doing?
I dont really know them. I follow them on Instagram and they follow me…. Ive meet them once at the gym were my ex introduced us… They are her closets and longest friends.
Ive read a lot on “Grass is Greener Syndrom” and I think this might be the reason for the breakup. It does explain a lot. And now she is slowly learning that her new life wasnt so interresting afterall… She might reach out, she might not… All that matters is that I am doing better..
I will keep the thread updated if she contacts me.
her closest friends…well, sounds like they’re keeping her informed, which works for you.
But sounds like you’re doing good, and who knows, you might meet someone else (as hard as that is to accept or believe).
if you have a chance, look at mine…
She is also following me (eventhough I removed her)
Finding someone new isnt really top priority for me just yet. I am living life the way I want to. The most important thing is for me to be happy every day.Will give it a look. Thanks
Ok please give me some inputs here my friends!!
As you know its been 2,5 months ago since our breakup. And 32 days ago I removed her from all social sites, and she has not made any attempt to contact me. I am thinking she might think oh my god he is pissed now” or something.
Well what happend today, is something I have been fearing for the past months. I am on Tinder, and as I logged on today, guess who showed up? Yes! My ex!!
First my heart started beating a little faster, but it didnt really bother me as much as I would have feared. So I went to look at her Instagram and Facebook. Again, I didnt really care much about what was on there. I can she she has posted some love pictures. You know those you can find all over facebook.. A guy and a girl kissing and some random love quote.. She has posted a few of them these last weeks. And 2 weeks ago she said she planned on spending her Sunday with a “very sweet person <3”, so I asume it was someone she had a romatic relationship with (perhaps the reason she broke up?). But since she is now on Tinder it must have ended I guess…I am trying to look at this as a possitive thing
This Tinder thing might be for my benefit… Please give me some feeback on my thoughts here:She is clearly in need of love now. She is finally settleing into her new life and is now realising she has a hole in her life after me. And since I have completely removed her from social medias and gone NC, she asumes there is no chance of getting back with me. And she dosnt want to reach out because of fear of rejection…
So this Tinder thing might be good. The only thing that would come out of it is another rebound guy (just like the last one was)… Hopefully she will run into jerk after jerk, and finally realise what a big mistake she made…
Is this completely nonsense??
Tinder:
I dont know if you guys are familiar with Tinder? But you can say Yes or No to profiles that show up. I said Yes to her… She will never know this! Only if she says Yes to me when I show up on her phone we will be notified of the match and can start to text… But untill then, she wont know if I have seen her profile….So lets see if she says yes… 🙂
(If I show up)Are you still following RRewind? Have you reached out to establish a false friendship? Have you been on at least ONE date (He stresses this is REALLY important)?
If she’s on tinder, then ya, you’re probably right that she’s “looking”. I doubt it’s for your benefit, since it’s anonymous..but you pushing “yes” so fast probably wasn’t best, and kinda breaks no contact. What happens if she just see’s your pic and doesn’t answer at all…exits, or sees it from another “friends” account?
Remember though, NC isn’t the complete cure all, and can be dangerous.
How much are you using social media (Facebook updates) to YOUR advantage? She is more than likely following you, so SHOW her you’re not needy…that you’ve got interesting, fun, exciting things going on.
She’s headed to indifference, which is extremely dangerous. You seem to be doing good for yourself, so you gotta start planning something.
No no. I didnt mean she joined Tinder because of me. My english is just very bad. I just mean it is a good thing that she has joined Tinder. I take it as a sign she misses what I gave her. I am also over the 30 days of NC.
But what should my plan be?
She is comeing to town for christmas. And we will bumb into eachother at the gym. Perhaps I can show her that I am not upset there. Smile, give her a hug and say I dont really have the time to talk now, but it was nice to see her. Mayve that would make her reach out. And then if all goes well, I can suggest a coffee.ahhh..i gotcha… ya, her being on tinder does mean she’s looking. Why..you never know. She could be missing you, or she could just be looking/lonely/moving on. DON’T make an assumption.
You’re in a bit of a different situation than me (mine is ignoring me, but using other people’s social media to still let me know what she’s doing, i’ll update in a bit)… I know you said you found relationship rewind. Have you told her you accepted that you’re over and thanked her? Have you asked about remaining friends? I think your time is running out.
Go to step 2. Put together a plan of action. A way/reason to contact her that’s believable. Text messaging or you might unblock her from social media so you can IM her.
Remember to include a bliss reminder.
Just hoping to “run into her” may not work. She may avoid the gym at all costs. You might use it as a reason to reach out, but you’ve got to try and establish a friendship.
Just a small update from me
Not much since last time. Ive talked with a few of my close female friends. I told them about Tinder, and also showed them the love quotes/pictures she posts on Instagram. I did not tell them what I thought about it, but just asked them “If you were her, then why would you start to post these things?”We talked one on one, and they both replied:
“She needs/misses love… She might even be desperate for it. She has settled into her new life, and finally she can have room for love. But since you removed her from facebook like that, she most likely asumes that you are pissed at her, and is to affraid to make the first contact/is affraid you wont talk to her, or hate her. She fears the rejection. So now she has starting to use Tinder in hope to get some kind of love. And the images on Instagram is to get attention from a guy. Maybe you, maybe some rebound guy who just dumped her… We dont know”I have also visited her Social pages aa few times. It still doesnt bother me. Clearly the NC has helped me move on.
She said today on facebook that she will be coming to my town tomorrow. She didnt specify for how long like she normally does…
We are almost guaranteed to run into eachother…I will keep you updated with what happends.
Any kind of advice is welcome… 🙂you gotta find a “reason”, but it’s gotta be kinda legit, to reach out to her or run in to her. Do you really wanna leave it up to blind luck that you will run in to her? If she thinks you’re still pissed, she might be wanting to avoid the confrontation all together.
The girls are probably right, she’s looking, but her guard will be up. She might be more receptive to “friendship” now. So you might get a better response, and if you’re not as “needy” it’ll go over better for you too.
Did you block her, or just un-friend her? If you blocked her, then un-block her. If she’s just un-friended, you might “post” on a comment or something you know she’ll see…
I’m assuming you’re not in the US…for instance, you might send her a pic (like last year at thanksgiving) and say “hey, the holiday is here, and i was going through last year’s pic…or you mom, brother,sister broughtt up this “pic” …you remember this? (a good time)…etc etc.. (by the way…have some cool pics posted of you doing cool stuff, it’ll help the conversation..if you don’t, grab a couple of shirts and an extra pair of shoes, and go DO something kool…then post that you’ve been too busy and are just now getting around to it…even better if one of your close female friends is with you)
If she asks about FB, just tell her you thought it was best that WE have space (it was your idea), because you were worried SHE couldn’t handle being friends (flip it around)…might even include something like “i accepted what we had was over, and I as worried you couldn’t accept being friends…or something like that **ask your female friends**. Takes the neediness out (and i’d bet she’s already seen your yes on tinder). Her foolish pride might be getting in the way of making the first move. keep the conversation brief, but make sure you include you’re OK with things (accepted it) and brag on yourself a little…maybe you’ve hit a new personal bench press record (reminding her something you used to do together, without saying “hey, you wanna work out while you’re here”) or whatever. Bait her in to remembering positive things, then she might even think it’s her idea to meet you…
The RR Book has some great things (step 2 and 3).
you gotta find a “reason”, but it’s gotta be kinda legit, to reach out to her or run in to her. Do you really wanna leave it up to blind luck that you will run in to her? If she thinks you’re still pissed, she might be wanting to avoid the confrontation all together.
Not hard. We both spend a ton of time at the Gym, and I also happend to work there.. And one of my female friends can give me a text if she see my ex…mno problem. I can make it happend if I want to.. 🙂
The girls are probably right, she’s looking, but her guard will be up. She might be more receptive to “friendship” now. So you might get a better response, and if you’re not as “needy” it’ll go over better for you too.
I am thinking it might even surprise her?? “WTF, he is smiling, and is happy to see me? I didnt expect that. What is going on? Should I try to text him tonight?”
Did you block her, or just un-friend her? If you blocked her, then un-block her. If she’s just un-friended, you might “post” on a comment or something you know she’ll see…
Just un-friended her. No I aint going to do anything online that shows I am thinking of her.. Not untilll she has opened up to me first. I dont want to meet that cold should again…
I’m assuming you’re not in the US…for instance, you might send her a pic (like last year at thanksgiving) and say “hey, the holiday is here, and i was going through last year’s pic…or you mom, brother,sister broughtt up this “pic” …you remember this? (a good time)…etc etc.. (by the way…have some cool pics posted of you doing cool stuff, it’ll help the conversation..if you don’t, grab a couple of shirts and an extra pair of shoes, and go DO something kool…then post that you’ve been too busy and are just now getting around to it…even better if one of your close female friends is with you)
I have been improveing a lot in the time apart from her. And I have posted many interresting things on Instagram and Facebook. Things I know sparks her interrest and she wants to know more about it. Trust me, she is courius about it…
If she asks about FB, just tell her you thought it was best that WE have space (it was your idea), because you were worried SHE couldn’t handle being friends (flip it around)…might even include something like “i accepted what we had was over, and I as worried you couldn’t accept being friends…or something like that **ask your female friends**. Takes the neediness out (and i’d bet she’s already seen your yes on tinder). Her foolish pride might be getting in the way of making the first move. keep the conversation brief, but make sure you include you’re OK with things (accepted it) and brag on yourself a little…maybe you’ve hit a new personal bench press record (reminding her something you used to do together, without saying “hey, you wanna work out while you’re here”) or whatever. Bait her in to remembering positive things, then she might even think it’s her idea to meet you…
She cant see my yes on Tinder. She has to give me a yes first, and we will both get notified about it. So no… Not yet.
My plan is when she shows up, and am just gonna be smiling and be my own happy self. Keep good eye contact (Ive always been able to make her knees soft just by looking into her eyes), be freindly to her and just say something causal like: “Oh hey, nice to see you. Long time…”
She might ask how I am, and I will just reply “Oh you know, busy as always!“…. Note how I did not ask about her.
But I bet she will start to tell how school is, and then I just end the conversation with something like: “oh that sounds great, we should talk some more, but I really gotta go now.”Then hopefully she will text me later that day. And if she does I take it as a majer indication of interrest from her… And then maybe I can excalate the text talk, to and actually face-to-face talk over coffee….
well, you have a great plan. You’re still leaving it to chance, and gambling on running in to her. If you establish a friendship first, you make it much more likely she’ll seek you out…she has a reason. If you’re not at work, and your friend texts you she’s there, you’ve got the chance she’ll think “someone told him, and now he’s running up here” = needy. You’re idea for conversation is good, but it’ll seem kinda odd at the gym if you’re in the middle of a workout and leave… and seem REALLY odd if you’re not there, show up, have a 3 sentence conversation, then leave.
I think it’ll take more than a day or 2 for her to reach out if you “run in to her”, and leave the conversation hanging …it’s great and confident, but she’ll want to process what just happened (and wait to see if you’ll chase her..text her like crazy when she doesn’t contact you)..
Update from today:
Well she was in town, but she never visited the gym. She normally goes to the gym every day. But I dont think it was because of me she didn´t go. It is the hollidays so I guess today was family day. 🙂But I am gonna stick with the plan. I need to bumb into her when I can. Then be my own happy self. Flirt a litlle with her, and show her I am not angry and she shouldn´t be affraid of contacting me if she wants to…
Last time we were in contact she clearly wasn´t ready for it. So this time: No mistakes.The people I know who have visited her Instagram and Facebook profile all tell me that there is something fishy about it. She is really making a big effort to letting people know how much she just loves the people around her, and how happy she is. They all say it seems like she is trying to hide how missirable she really is. Maybe even trying to hide it from herself? (Keep telling yourself something and you will end up believing it)
And the love images/quotes… It is a way to say I need love. Maybe from me, maybe not. But still… They are a way of asking for love. The females I have talked to have all agreed on this…I think your chances go from slim to none, especially after her not going to the gym while in town. It may not have ben because of you, but you gave her no reason TO show up. Establishing the friendship is THE way to go for you. Last time, you probably weren’t ready… but now u’ve done the 30 days n/c, made improvements, etc… and now YOU’RE ready. Your odds keep going down. You can still do everything you wanna do in your plan, except you give her a reason to contact you. Right now, you’re only extending no contact, which doesn’t help. YES, her messages probably mean she’s looking, but she’s not looking at you…. and she probably is miserable, because something is missing… YOU. But she has to have a reason to reach out to you.
Exactly. She needs a reason. I would just prefer to see her face to face, flirt a little so she sees I am not upset… Then she will come to me…
I had a few other ideas in mind:
A) try to “like” on of those love quotes she posted, and see what happends…
B) send her a love letter, letting her know how much the releationship meant to me, and all I wish is for her to be happy…
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