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Hi all,
A few days ago my gf ended our 4,5 month relationship.
Wednesday we arranged to meet up at my place to talk about our relationship. While sobbing she told me our relationship doesn’t work out anymore..I asked why she sobbed, according to her it was because she didn’t even miss me last week. (We couldn’t see each other one week because of work, I found it a strange excuse.)
She also kind of blamed me that the relationshop didn’t work out:
– She finds that I could never decide anything, i.e. “Do yuo want to see movie X or Y?” “I don’t mind, I like both.”
– I had too high expectations of her: Because I took her with me when I wanted to hang out with friends, so that she will like my friends and than she could hango out more often.
But I’ve never put her under pressure or anything like that..
– I took little initiative and she felt like she needed to put much effort into hanging out with me, and she didn’t felt like I did like her.
I understand this and I feel bad about it..And she find us very different.
But when we talked she first asked to take a no contact break untill the summer vacation is over, and then see how things are. I didn’t want todo that so she broke up.
After she went home she immediatly (!!) deleted our pictures from social media..
I don’t understand this.. Last week we had a argument that we would see each other not much this summer vacation. We talked it out and we chose a few dates that we can hang out. But stillshe acted weird on Whatsapp. I asked her that I got the impression that she didn’t fancy our relationship anymore. Whereupon she reacted like this: OMG ABSOLUTELY NOT! WHY DO YOU THINK THAT? HOW LONG DID YOU ALREADY THOUGHT ABOUT THIS??
Last Sunday she even drunk texted me with hearts and that she misses and wants to see me and a few days later she breaks up. Isn’t that weird??
Oh also before the breakup she had a conversation with a good friend about her relationship issues. In my opinion, she should have told me her issues first so that we can work on them and I could defend my opinion.
I think after this conversation she concluded she wanted to break up with me and that she took the times we weren’t together more in this conclusion than the times we were together. (When we always had fun)What do you guys think about this?
What you said is not weird to me anymore! My breakup started exactly like you except one part. I told her that I will fight for our relationship and everything will become normal soon! She accepted it but never helped me to re-establish the relationship. Gradually distance became more and more. Eventually we broke up after 3 months of ugly days in which I did my best to make her happy but she did not want to be happy. Yet, there were a few days that she was high and asked for sex but I was so frustrated that I did not accept it.
Well, I know that you are in shock but you should be happy that you did not 3 months of headache to rectify everything!
Oh man, what you said reminded me of my first trouble and she acted exactly like your ex! Believe me, I couldn’t figure out why she was sobbing. But I was sure that she had thought on it really hard! You shouldn’t think about the reasons! It will hurt you!
Anyway, I believe you still have chances! Do No Contact! Absolutely! She might think twice about it. Probably she will start missing you after some time. Best of luck!
I agree with Dara. Any emotions, even anger and hatred, show that she still cares. Try NC and maybe she will miss you after some weeks. My ex said that he wanted to contact me and that he was thinking about me almost every day and that he was worried..
Thanks for the replies! I appreciate it, A LOT!
She did cry, but she also erased all of our pictures.
She drunk texted me, but she didn’t miss me she said.
She asked for a relationship break, denied a week afo that she didn’t want to break up but she broke up.All of the signals are so contradictory, I don’t even know what to do.
I am doubting about keeping no contact, or sending her a message.
Not a message about that I love her and want her back, but a message where I can say that the relationship went wrong.i.e. she told about our relationship issues too late for me, so I didn’t even had the chance to work on them.
And that she should have told her issues to me first instead of to a friend, so that I could give my opinion.
I think after this conversation she decided she wanted to break up with me and that she weighed the took the times we weren’t together heavier than the times we were together in this decision. (We always had fun when together)What do you guys think about this?
Rednas,
Don’t talk about anything to her right now. There are chances that she also has something to say. If she says them, there will be nothing that she would like to talk about after NC.
This happened to me! I was really annoyed that she talked to her friends about our problems but never showed any sign to me before our first argument about relationship. I did talk about it. She was passive. As if she did not want to hear what I was talking about. That made more sad/angry. Don’t repeat my mistake!
You should NC! At some point she will miss you and probably start a new conversation with you. You will hangout. You’ll become friends. In friendship, you will start dating again. When you are friendly enough, you can talk about what went wrong and how can you avoid it later. THIS IS THE PLAN.
Most of the guys here in this site had a lot of fun. This is the reason they want their ex back! Anyway, best of luck!
She is also confused I think. With NC you give her the time and space to think about everything and she’ll not stay in the negativity she got from you because you’re not in touch for a while. And it’s also good for you to think about what you want and IF you two ever get back together what you should change in your relationship (or you will break-up again..). If she really loves you (and isn’t such a stubborn and scared like my ex) she will contact you after some time.
I don’t know if you should contact her after you feel confident, accepted that there’s a minor chance to get back together but that you can live with it and got your emotions under control. I did.. but I don’t know if I should recommend it, lol, because I’m confused now of his hot-cold behaviour.
But guys, a few months ago (Last year august until beginning of november) We were hanging out and dateing with eachother and she said it wasn’t going to work. I did NC and on 14 February she contacted me again. (After I liked a picture on her Facebook,, I think this triggered her.)
I don’t think this will hapen twice, that’s why I want to say something.But if I say those things I would also say to her that she doesn’t need to feel obliged to react.
I just want to tell her those things because I came up with them a few days after the breakup.Because then I have said what I wanted to say and I want to keep NC. Then maybe she can think about my view on things and maybe she will think that I was right, or that I am not.
I see that your problem has some deeper roots than I thought. To be honest, I believe that the chances for second breakup is less than the chances for the first one. Maybe here you can write on what you think the problem is. As you already said, don’t be demanding! Also confess that your weaknesses. It will make her think that you are realistic.
Nah I already know what I want to say, thanks! I will do all. Yeah I mean, what are the chances that she will contact me after NC for the second time?
(Altough she have me the option to not contact eachother and check whats up after summer vacation)Are you going to tell your story face to face or with a text message/call? Maybe if she let you, you can do your story face to face so that she can see your expressions and you hers. But hey, I don’t know if it’s the right thing. I’m not an expert, lol. I’m also a dumpee..
hey,
I replied to your post on No contact rule section here it isDon’t worry,it still works.there is no need to send her anything i mean that will only push her further away.start NC and continue it for 2-3 months.make positive changes in your life and use social media to show that you are having a great time.focus on your life and improve it and don’t stalk her on anything during this time.
If you really want to send the message,you should say those things ( what you expected her to do about the relationship issues,… ) in short.and say that you wanted to make things work but when you saw that she didn’t want to take a step then you are fine and you respect her decision.and also you should add that you have been thinking and its weird but you have accepted the break up and you think both of you needed this.wish her the best and start NC.
When you text her,be careful with your words.you don’t have to be judging or evaluating her.Good luck
Thanks all for the support, I really appreciate it.
I texted her what I wanted to say! And said that she doesn’t have to react if she wants to, so I don’t know If she will text back.
This shit was in my head for days and I needed to say it to get it out of my system.
I’m glad I did it, the text is in no way a desperate attempt to get her back. In short I told her that I agreed with her on some points but she should’ve told me her issues earlier so that I could work on it. And that it’s a pity our relationship has worked out this way. I also said she doesn’t have to text me back if she didn’t want to, but I just needed to say it.No regrets whatsoever. Sure, at this moment I want her to regret her decision so that we can get back together, and if she doesn’t than so be it.
I would rather move on than to NC in the hopes of getting her back, because this bullshit has happened twice between us already.So this morning she texted back, saying that she was glad I told her this, she thinks alot about the months we spent together and that she misses it because it was fun.
But that she still stands by her decision.Well, that’s fine by me, I told her I just wanted to tell her how I thought about it and it and I didn’t want to change her point of view.
I think this helped me to move on, altough it was good to hear that she misses it and thinks alot about us.
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