TODAY IS 30 DAYS OF NC; 10 THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT MYSELF

Today is the day – 30 days of NC. It’s been a painful – amazing – awesome – awful – journey through with absolutely no contact.

I feel 30 days is such a short amount of time to work through the loss of someone you love.

I broke up with him. We mailed one another our things (as mentioned on another thread). He has not reached out to ask about a loved one’s death in my family. And I have not reached out to him.

This man and I went through so much together – illness, family death, surgeries, the best of times and the worst.

The relationship was ultimately emotionally unhealthy during conflict.

So, I just wanted to share what I learned and maybe it will help one of you:
1. I am worth so much more than ever being screamed at, called names or belittled. And I am worth more than to ever treat someone poorly again.

2. When you find the right relationship, it is not going to be ‘that hard’. Life is really hard and no relationship is perfect but when a relationship is more painful then amazing, it is not right….and it doesn’t matter if you love them or not.

3. With the pain of loss comes so much growth about who we are – who I am – what I want – what I don’t want to settle for – how I behave – and a new perspective. The pain is worth growing and evolving as a person.

4. Some people are meant to come into our lives to teach us lessons and move out of our lives. It’s so cliche but it’s true. And it’s so damn painful but pain is really just ‘stretching ourselves to grow into who we are supposed to be’.

5. I value myself more by doing 30 days of NC.

6. Although I think about him every single day – sometimes 10x a day – I am feeling really stable – steady – empowered – and much more confident in ‘me’.

7. Playing games are not worth it – life is too short.

8. Letting go of fear, guilt, anger, shame, frustration, irritation – is all good for the body/mind.

9. Putting myself first is something I should have done years ago.

10. I am not going back. It’s finally over. I am sure. And it wasn’t an easy decision but sometimes the right decisions are the hardest to make. And it’s beyond painful b/c my love for him was so raw and real. I am moving forward though because I know God has a love for me that I will recognize when I find it.