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I think that if your ex had a girl he could easily have sex with or call up “for a good time”, he definitely wouldn’t be in touch with you. He would have zero reason to try initiating sex with you at that point. So, from that standpoint, I say he either isn’t sleeping with someone else or he cares enough about you that he is but he still wants some kind of connection with you. Guys are just dumb enough to think that sex counts as a good way to fulfill their need for emotional attachment with you.
I have no plans to sleep with him again, though I’m not necessarily going to limit myself either way. We had a good night at work, he was very talkative, we didn’t ride together because he got off earlier, but he did offer me a ride tomorrow morning that I took him up on. I have to pass his apartment to get home and I know he’s out right now and it bums me out, though all of my friends are 99.99% sure he’s just with his bud hanging out. And that’s probably true, considering they were talking like they were making plans at work. But I guess I’m just always paranoid.
Well my ex hasn’t contacted me since that random message the other night. So I’m feeling paranoid like you that he’s been with someone else and doesn’t even need me anymore. Sucks I miss him :(. But I’m organising a catch up with an old friend who I think used to have a bit of a crush on me. But i’m no where near as excited as I wold be if this were my ex. However this guy could surprise me its been so long.
And good to hear you won’t sleep with him again haha its hard hey ;). But nice to hear you are just as paranoid as I except you seem to have you ex wrapped around your finger a little more than me haha
So between I have a quick question. On fb when I have sent the last message it pops ip with the “seen” time of when it was seen, now often the seen time on my last message to my ex changes. It was last seen yesterday until he obviously opened up my chat again tonight and it changed again. I know it probably doesn’t mean much but its been happening all week changing several times in one night sometimes.
That’s interesting. My “seen” time never changes. But if yours does, that probably means he’s been rereading your old messages, which seems like a good sign.
All of my friends and coworkers told me to calm down. He got off work early, he’d been talking about plans with his friend when he was at work (or appeared to be), he’s not friends with any new girls on facebook or anything. I don’t know. I don’t know what the point in being attentive to me, offering me rides, etc. would be if he’s with other girls. But who even knows? I’m trying not to feel completely bummed so it doesn’t show today at work, or when he drives me in. I just wish I was able to feel like I have him as wrapped around my finger as my friends or people on here seem to think I do.
@between I know how it feels when you can’t figure him out and understand his intentions. The best thing in this situation would be to stop over thinking and analayzing his behavior. If he were seeing someone then he wouldn’t have hanging out with you and talking to you this much. We always intend to think the worst. But in reality things are not always as they seem. If you know that he’s hanging out with some friends from work then he probably is just hanging out with them. We should stop thinking too much about this stuff because it consumes our minds.
I don’t know, and I guess that’s the part that really eats at me. You’re right. It’s totally not healthy for us to overanalyze things, especially in such a negative way. In truth, I know that if he’d found someone new (even if they weren’t dating or having sex YET), he’d probably stop talking to me, offering me rides, wanting to spend time with me, etc. That being said, my brain just starts thinking, “Well what if he hadn’t met anyone, but he did last night?” and assuming everything will change today. I know it’s dumb and doesn’t serve any purpose. Like I said, all my coworkers and friends were like, “Calm down. You’re being totally silly. He got off early and is probably having a drink at Spencer’s. He’s probably sitting there lamenting what the heck he did or what’s going on. He offered you a ride tomorrow, he was sharing his drinks with you at work, he checked in with you before he went home, etc. It’ll be fine. Just try to be positive and make plans with him for later.” That’s what they all keep telling me and it just seems too easy or optimistic to believe it. Even though it’s clear to me he still cares.
Your friends are right. And you know this yourself. It’s not that easy to meet someone new, especially if he’s still spending time with you regularly. I know what it feels like and I’m being paranoid myself sometimes but It’s just going to make you feel bad and eat you from inside. You should remain calm and positive like your friends say, don’t think about things that haven’t happened. It’s obvious that he still has feelings for you and cares about you. So I think you shouldn’t worry this much.
I guess it’s easier hearing it from someone on here, who owes me absolutely nothing and also knows how much it would hurt to hear that “everything is going to be okay” if it truly wasn’t. I will try to just breathe, be happy, and make it through the work day. I mean, I’m sure if I asked him if “he did anything fun after he got off early”, he’d tell me in an instant what he was up to. He never has a problem telling me what he’s been doing or asking me how my day was, he just obviously doesn’t go out of his way to tell me when it’s going on because we’re not dating and doesn’t owe me that. I guess I’m just worried that I’m doing a poor job of straddling this line of giving him positive bids/talking to him/initiating stuff and giving him space/letting him come to me. I haven’t officially asked him to do anything since Monday/when he told me he feels like he’s using me because I never initiate plans or physical contact with him, and I really want to. I don’t want to go all week without seeing or talking to him, though somehow I don’t think he’d let that happen, but I don’t really want to risk it. On the other hand, I don’t want to look desperate. It’s just hard, you know? Overthinking is so dumb but so easy to do.
I was totally overreacting. Goodness. I finally sent him a text from my phone saying, “It’s alive!” Our conversation went as follows:
Him: Yay! I’ll be there to pick you up around 10:20ish.
Me: Thank you for the head’s up!
Him: Unless you need to go to Fred Meyer (west coast grocery chain) in which case I’m headed there now.
Me: Agh, I do, but I’m not ready for work at all… Next time?
Him: Yep!
Me: Thank you!And in the car I casually asked him if he’d been able to enjoy getting off work early. He told me he’d gone over to that friend’s house and the two of them had just hung out. And then threw out that one other guy was there. He like intentionally told me no girls were there. So now I realize I look like a totally paranoid freak and he was actually going out of his way to reassure me he wasn’t with anyone.
That’s really good! It seems like he’s making it clear for you even though he doesn’t have to. He probably doesn’t want you to think stuff either so that’s why he’s telling you this. I don’t think that he’ll think you are paranoid or anything. And if he initiates as well then you won’t seem desperate. You are doing good! If you are trying to initiate more then maybe you can ask him to hang out this week and see where it goes.
There’s this TV show we used to watch together that had its season finale this week. He hasn’t downloaded the episode or seen it, so I thought maybe that was a good idea of something we could do? He told me at lunch today that he’d downloaded another show, I mentioned that one, and he was all, “I totally need to download that!” I unintentionally gave him a look and he was like, “Or we could watch it together.” I told him I wasn’t even necessarily saying that, but that I could at least give him the episode. He said that’d be great. So I have no idea now whether that’s a good idea or not. I can’t tell if he just accepted me giving him the file because I kind of blew off the direct statement of us watching it together, or because he’d rather do that.
If he suggested watching it together then he probably wanted watching it with you, but maybe wasn’t sure if you want it too. I think there’s no harm in asking him to watch it with you if you want. Tell him that you’ve downloaded the episode and invite him to watch it together.
Whilst we’re in similar predicaments I can safely say I’m jealous of your situation and think you have a better chance than I. He’s reassuring you and there for you !
Oh goodness, so last night took a really off turn and I’m not sure what to think at all. My friend says I should interpret this really well, but I need a second opinion. Long story short, my ex dropped me off after work, said goodnight and that he’d see me soon, and my friend and I decided to go get a drink. This was all around midnight. We’re at the bar, a bit tipsy, when I go to talk to our friend who is bartending. I come back and she’s texted him from my phone!
My friend as me: What’s up Haydizzle? This is Cartizzle. (His name is Hayden, and my name is Carter for the record.)
Him: Huh? I’m just hanging out watching shield!
My friend as me: I like your shield 🙂
Him: What are you up to?
My friend as me: I just wanted to say hi 🙂 Kara and I are at the starlight
Him: Gotcha.At this point, I realized she had my phone. I started to do some damage control, but then my tipsy/drunkeness got the better of me and I ended up saying some weird stuff. However, his responses were pretty interesting too.
Me: That was her. I swear. I’m sorry. She took my phone while I was talking to Andrew.
Him: I gotcha!
Me: Will you make me some fried eggs in the morning?
Him: Sure!
Me: Thank you!
Me: I just hit my head on a table. I’m not even drunk.
Him: That’s not good!
Me: Kara says you should designated drive us back to my house at 2. But I am going to stop talking because I hit my head and I’ve had a couple of drinks and I really don’t want you to decide you won’t make me eggs.
Him: I could come get you.
Me: She doesn’t want to get a ticket but you don’t need to do that.
Him: I don’t mind.At this point, we’ve gotten back to my house. But a half hour later, he messages. My friend has decided she wants pizza at 2 am and I should invite him to have some because he clearly wants to talk to me/see me. I have no idea if this is true. Just what she said.
Him: Do you want me to come get you?
Me: No, we will be safe. Though Kara says she will give you a gluten free pizza (he has celiac disease) if you come hang out with us. But I said I would shut up because eggs.
Him: You’re welcome to come here if you want.
*random phone call she made me make in which he says he’s tired and we don’t need to spend the money on him and he can see me for eggs tomorrow*
Me: Come over. We ordered it for you. Please?
Me: We can bring it to you too!
Him: Do that!
Me: Okay, we’ll walk and be safer!
Me: Do I still get eggs if I harass you with pizza?
Him: Yes if you can get me up before you have to be at work!
Me: I can do that!We get our pizza, head to his apartment, all pig out. The two of them both work the same position at work, so they spent most of their time talking about that. She also mentioned that these guys at the bar tried to get us to hang out with them and were being really weird, and we were totally confused and blew them off. I didn’t notice a huge reaction to that but I was tipsy still and my friend says he probably just felt content knowing I wasn’t into it. I just kind of sat there and quietly ate from here on out. At one point, I kind of jokingly started putting on my shoes and said I was gonna go because I don’t work that position so I had nothing to talk about. He made himself a drink because he wanted to not be the only totally sober one, and then we continued to just kind of sit there until it was 3 am and my friend and I were wiped and I felt like I was bugging him so we just decided to leave. We packed up, and headed out. The second we were out the door, my friend told me to go back and say a better goodbye to him. I told her no, and that I wasn’t going for eggs in the morning. Long story short, we got back to my house and she told me I’m a really big moron, he clearly wanted to spend time with me, and it only got awkward because she was there. She said she thought he’d wanted me to spend the night but couldn’t ask me because she was there and didn’t do anything because I “clearly didn’t seem interested”. She told me he seemed really hurt and sad when I joked about leaving before that. She also mentioned to me the fact that apparently any time she and I speak at work, he comes over and immediately asks her “what’s up?” once I’m gone, and that apparently he was bragging the other day about his cool new apartment and how he showed it to me. He also answered his door in his work pants with an old tennis jacket from high school totally not zipped up. Like bare chest all the way, which is totally one of my vices. She pointed out that that was clearly for my benefit. She made me text him again, to try and let him know I’m not totally dense and do care for him.
Me: We are sorry we invaded.
Him: No need to be sorry thank you for the pizza.
Me: Kara went home.
Him: That’s good.
Me: I didn’t want to go, but I could tell Kara needed to.No response to that. I mean, it was 3:30 in the morning. He was exhausted, as he worked 4 doubles in a row this week. He’d said he was tired before we even brought the pizza over. So she said he probably just fell asleep and I need to go over for eggs this morning. I’m just freaking out and feeling like I said the wrong thing or like he’s butthurt by my attitude so he ignored me. I mean, it’s only 8 my time so that’d be like 4.5 hours of sleep, so it’s not surprising he hasn’t responded if he just fell asleep. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to text him about coming over if I’m going to bug him or seem desperate. What does all of this sound like or look like?!
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