This clearly isn't a typical break-up, so what do I do?

I’m a terrible human being, and still know my ex’s facebook password. If I’m being really honest, I check it every once in awhile, mostly because that’s where he contacts his family the most and I check in to see what’s going on with them. Please spare me the invasion of privacy stuff because I KNOW. That being said, his recent facebook search history shows him looking at my profile tonight. He hasn’t searched for anything else in over a week.

He texted me again this morning, asking if I’d had any luck with the phone. I told him my phone is working, though it has a couple quirks from the water damage, but my battery is completely shot. He asked if the battery in his old phone will hold a charge. I told him his entire old phone seems to be in working order. No response… I mean, he does have work this morning that he was probably trying to get ready for. And I know it’s not the most interesting conversation. I’m just surprised he didn’t answer… He had over an hour to before he left for work. I don’t know. Maybe my texts just weren’t really conducive to answer. I’m just trying not to freak out but I’m doing it anyways.

We haven’t ever spent the night after sex. We honestly haven’t slept in the same bed since the break up, even when he was staying here. I’ve gotten the inkling before that he might want me to, and I’ve certainly wanted to, but I haven’t been up to asking. That was one of the things my case worker kind of addressed with me. She told me that I’m never going to get what I want, to stay the night, if I don’t bring it up because he seems to feel like it’s not his place to ask me to stay anymore. Which it’s not. But I obviously would if he asked. We definitely cuddle afterwards. It’s not for an insanely long amount of time, but it never has been. Like I said, last time I ended up crying a little because it just felt SO DAMN GOOD but was also kind of emotionally taxing because I knew his guilt was going to sink in then and make him all awkward. He held me though, rubbed my back, ran his fingers through my hair, and told me to just let it all out. He always kisses or holds me for a bit and helps me clean up. Like I said, it’s not like we lay there for a half an hour or anything, but he could also easily just book it out of there or tell me to leave or detach, and he doesn’t.

There’s always the possibility that he KNOWS you know what he’s like, and he’s friended her to get a rise out of you. It’s at least a possibility. For a gig, 1 am is not bad at all. My ex is in a band and they play bar gigs all the time, and he could often times be out much later. I think if he were really with some other girl or interested in one, he wouldn’t be messaging you and trying to hook up with you. This doesn’t mean he wants you back, but why would he want sex with you if he could easily get it from some other girl? I’m the same way about responding though, which is why it always annoys me or freaks me out if I don’t hear from him RIGHT AWAY even though he always answers me when he can and most of the time, he responds to me within two minutes.

The only thing I’m not really understanding about your advice here (other than the general consensus everyone has that sleeping with exes is bad) is the idea that what he’s done so far to show me intimacy or care outside of sex isn’t enough. I’m not defending him or anything or trying to pretend that any of this automatically means we’re going to work out. I’m just saying that in my eyes, it’s pretty dang clear that people who are just using someone for sex or what not DO NOT: hang out with that person before or after the actual act of sex, make food for them, go out to the movies with them, comfort/cuddle them, text them about things that aren’t sex, etc. If you’re using someone, you ask them if they want to, if they say yes you have sex, then you pretty much distance yourself from the entire situation and person until you potentially want sex again. My ex isn’t doing that. He may not be treating me well or treating me like a girlfriend, but he doesn’t appear to just be using me for sex. I’m not sure why you’re acting like he is, though I could just be defensive over nothing.

He’s probably been more sexual since you’ve been broken up because he’s trying to cope with the fact he doesn’t get to have sex with YOU, he wants to make you jealous, and because you’re flat out not responding to his sexual advances so he thinks you don’t care about him sexually. This is NOT me telling you to give in. Just giving you a variety of reasons why his sexuality may have seemed to increase. He may not have contacted you since because he got some action or he may not have contacted you since solely because you’re no longer dating and he has no obligation to contact you all the time. Hell, our guys didn’t technically even have that obligation when we were dating. I’d just try to remain calm and not jump to worst case scenario. It’s really easy to do in the moment. Like how I freaked out about him not messaging me right before he headed to work. But when I think about that, there are a million reasons that could be. He could’ve gotten on the phone with someone for awhile before he left, his phone could’ve died, he could be ignoring me, he may not have felt like there was much to respond to, I’ll see him at work today and maybe he just decided we’d talk in person, etc. You can overanalyze but if you’re going to do that, it’s only fair to yourself and your sanity to examine EVERY possibility. Good and bad.