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I read some of your posts and it definitely seems like he wants to be there for you. Could be that he’s not sure if he wants a relationship or a commitment right now. But seems that he likes spending time with you and being around you. If he’s staying around it means he HAS some sort of feelings, I’m just not sure about his intensions, if he wants to keep being friends or something more. But what I’m sure about is that he wouldn’t keep being around you if he didn’t feel anything. I agree with everything your case worker said. You should try seeing things from his prespective too and it will make you understand his behavior as well. You should keep initiate from time to time but I think you should still let him initiate more. And try not to over thinking things because it will only make you feel confused about everything. I know what you mean by speaking about his songs. My ex writes songs too, and he never let me read them before he finished, but I helped him with lyrics sometimes. He also wrote one love song about us, which I never had the chance to read because we broke up before he finished it :\ Also now that we are sort of friends, on our last conversation he asked me to give him my advice on his last song, which he never did since the break up. I think it’s great that he’s starting to open up to you! You should stay positive!
I feel like I’ve just lost all positivity. I keep talking to people and no matter what I do, it feels like a lose/lose situation. There is no right way to do anything. I go no contact? I’m unhappy because I want to be talking to him and he’s unhappy because I’m shutting him out/giving him negative bids. I just act friendly and try to make plans without the remote possibility of allowing him intimacy/sex? Great, I’m friendzoned and he doesn’t care. I have sex with him? Woo, apparently he’s using me and not learning any lesson and has no incentive to want to be my boyfriend. I was so optimistic and happy last night/this morning, and it all just got wiped away. No matter what I do, even if it makes me happy or feels like what I want, it gets messed up and doesn’t make this situation any better.
Hey,
I’m really sorry you’re going through all of this mess. I commented my thoughts on what you posted a few posts ago, but it seems like honestly this is turning into a really unhealthy situation. You’re stuck in a lose-lose mess, and aside from walking away completely, I’m not sure that you’re really going to be able to get yourself out of it.
This may be too honest, but in my opinion, you need to stop concerning yourself with how he feels right now, and take care of yourself. You’re obviously incredibly upset but instead of helping yourself, you’re focusing your energy on him, and it’s dragging you down farther. Maybe down the road you two can/will work things out, but as it stands right now, this seems incredibly toxic and like you need to take care of yourself. I know you want to be there for him, and not do anything to upset him, but wouldn’t that be nice if he had the same considerations before he broke up with you? You both are putting him first, which isn’t healthy. You do you, and once the kinks have worked themselves out, there’s always a chance you two could try again. It seems like the issues from your relationship are still there though and haven’t had time to resolve themselves, you need to give them that time.
Also, honestly ( I do this too, and we all need to stop ), is stop overanalyzing every little thing about it. I know its so much easier said than done, but as my mom used to say “a watch pot never boils” meaning – if you stand there and analyze and stare at something, it’ll seem like its taking forever, but if you go and do something else/distract yourself, it’ll fly by.
Good luck, let me know how you’re doing
Your situation is better than what you’re thinking. The thoughts are making you worried so that’s why I think you should stop over thinking about things and just see how it plays out. He’s willing to hang out with you and being around you! It’s a great progress and you should see the positive things. I think you should keep being around him and give him these positive bids, then see his reactions and how things are going and decide what’s best to do. Are you planning on meeting up with him again this week?
I know you’re probably right. I guess it’s just these days where I know I have no hope of seeing from him or of hearing from him because of work or other life events that I start to freak myself out.
He worked an event yesterday, so he was busy all day. He’s unfortunately on a double today and tomorrow as well. I’ll be on the dinner shift tomorrow night, we’ll work together all day Saturday, and then have the morning shift together Sunday. But other than lots of time at work together, no concrete plans or anything yet. I thought I’d maybe see if he wanted to do something Sunday night, but I’m hesitating on whether that is a good idea or not. The most that’s happened is that I sent him a text yesterday saying “It appears someone has been playing hide and go seek with us!”, in relation to the fact that I “found” (I’ve known where it is for like a week and a half now, but he’s still been searching for it) his old phone so we could try to get mine working again. He didn’t respond until he got off the event, at which point I was asleep, and he said, “What do you mean!” I’ve yet to reply, but I will.
His mom also sent me a facebook message yesterday. She told me she hopes I’m having a great week and asked how I’m doing. We made small talk about mother’s day and her presents. She used to send me messages like that all the time when my ex and I were dating, just checking in and what not, and she hasn’t in a really long time. I just thought that was interesting. I know she didn’t/doesn’t do that with his other exes or his brother’s exes because I’m friends with one of them.
Hey between, so it does appear we have some similarities in that our ex can’t let us go, but in a way they have been a bit inappropriate with us. Correct me if I’m wrong but you have had sex with him since you’ve broken up ? I see you have given some very good advice on the forums here and whilst we can dish out the good advice its hard for us to use it ourselves haha I know I’m guilty of that ! Like I mentioned on the other post we are currently giving up our power to our exes and they know it and they will certainly notice it when we take it back as well ! I don’t think we need to be harsh or cruel about it, I don’t want to behave the way my ex has treated me, we need to rise above it all and show them they we are so much more mature.
In regards to my situation, my ex this last week has been contacting me quite a bit and we met up for the first time two weeks ago and it went well, I couldn’t get rid of him he stayed for three hours checking out the new place i just moved into. He also hugged me quite a few times and at the end pulled me in for a double hug, yet throughout the meeting he put his hand out to shake my hand saying “friends” lol like wtf was that hey. Then last week he messaged me on the weekend after he had about 5 beers and it started out generally chatting when all of a sudden it changed. He started being really sexual and inappropriate. He knows that I can’t just do that as it means something to me. However in that chat i suggested we go for coffee next week after his all important new career interview and said we should have drinks with his roomie. He then messaged me the next night saying his roomie was keen to have drinks and stuff and again the convo turned sexual. A couple nights later the same thing happened. Then the next night a friend of mine had really hurt me and so I needed advice and went to him as a friend like he had offered. He was pretty harsh and rude and in the things he said indicated like he thought I would behave the same and was quite upsetting. After the serious talk he started making the sexual comments again and I was like I can’t do this with you I still have feelings and emotions and its too hard, I can’t just turn off like you. I thought I’d screwed it up pretty much by telling him how I felt, he in a way agreed saying it was hard. But again last night he messaged me just regarding how cold it was but i didn’t get it till this morning. I feel like there a little signs but the more obvious sign is that he just wants to use me 🙁
Yes, I have slept with my ex a couple of times since we’ve been broken up. I think we’ve been together maybe four times now, and it’s been a little over a month since it ended.
That sounds like a tough situation. It’s really hard for me to make out whether he’s just using you or not, if I’m being honest. I mean, there definitely still appears to be some emotional attachment, but I don’t have enough details to say whether that’s stronger than his sexual desires. I know that from my point of view/in my situation, our interactions that have nothing to do with sex outweigh those that do. He spends much more time texting me about random things, talking to me at work, or doing activities (hiking, watching movies, making dinner, etc.) than we do anything sexual. Is there a chance he’s just using me? Of course there is. That being said, I find it really hard to believe that a guy would act the way he does before and after, or spend that much time with me, just to get laid. If that’s solely what he wanted, it seems like he’d ask, get some, and then leave. If I were you, I’d try to objectively look at his actions overall and see how many of them are sexual and how many aren’t. Also, try to look at how he reacts when you shut him down for sex. Does he continue talking to you or die off?
I personally would stop sleeping with your ex. I did the same the last time my ex and I broke up as I thought it was a sign. We did eventually get back together but I’m not too sure as to why. However even the most emotional of men can turn off their feelings when it comes to sex so keep that in mind if you think you’re keeping that emotional attachment alive.
And like I said the sexual stuff just came out of no where, we’re having a chat that he initiated (perhaps due to some liquid courage :P) and them bam. However I’m not sure if a couple of the times he’s suggested it its because he’s had a couple of drinks. He also tells me in convos that he uses photos of me from when we were together for his own personal pleasure these days. My ex has also taken the time to tell me about things that are going on including his big interview and moving forward fr his new career change which I was very supportive of when we were together. A couple of times the convo has continued other times its just died off as I would end the convo and he’s like “just thought I’d let you know I’m using your pics, not sure why lol” and stuff like that.
I don’t think that simply sleeping with him is going to win him back or that sex keeps us emotionally attached. I know guys can detach pretty easily. The fact of the matter just happens to be that I’ve wanted him, he’s wanted me, and while he’s made no comments about getting back together or anything, I know him and I know he’s not just using me. Guys that just want sex do not go out of their way to do the things he does for me.
Yeah, that’s a really tough one. It’s hard for me to tell whether or not he’s really just all about the sex, or whether there’s more to it than that. Guys are just so hard to read.
Well I’ve felt the same about my ex and him having sex with me. As last ear when we broke up he played all these games back then as well and I told him how much it hrt me and he said he wouldn’t do it again yet here he is playing these games again. So I sort of want to have sex wkth him because I have needs lol and also because he is not a slut and not one to use me but then again I’m also not sure as I know he’s been on tinder. He was on tinder last year like two days after we broke up. So he’s followijg what he did last year almost to a tee except he hasn’t indicated that he wants to get back together like h did last year except when he did that last year he would fuck me around a lot and be like oh I’m not feeling it anymore
My ex doesn’t even have a smartphone, so luckily I know he’s not on Tinder or anything. I don’t know. This is still all so new to me and he’s had so little time to process anything that I guess I don’t entirely blame him for being confused.
So pretty sure my ex is out with this slut from his work that I thought he was into. Go figure
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