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Another really weird thing that I forgot to mention is the fact that around 12:30 yesterday, right before I left for class, he longboarded by my apartment. And he slowed down almost to a stop across the street to see if he could look in the window and see me. I went out later and positioned myself in the same place to see if I could, and at most he would’ve been able to see a light on, so that means he has no idea I saw him coming by to look for me. Weirder thing is that he was coming home from a tennis match (I saw the rackets and he told me about it later) and he in NO WAY had to go past my apartment to get home. Plenty of other routes he could’ve taken!
@between1standa Trust me, he is feeling and doing exactly what you are!
Did you see my big huge post on the bottom of the page before this? That was really the important, stressful part.
I’m tempted to believe you if you really think that, but I’m wondering what makes you think that he’s doing and feeling exactly like I am? Gah, it just seems so cold and unmoved! And I have NO idea what to do about a ride today or talking to him via text in the future/not talking or our movie. Maybe he’ll back out on that. Ugh.
You need to realize his reactions are from what you are doing, and vice versa. You both are playing the same game. You are over thinking, but at the same time you aren’t. He is probably acting that way because of how you are acting. You have to expect this response. I expect every response I may get from my ex because they are going through just as many emotions as we are!
But didn’t you say before he was sensitive? And that you acted that way before towards him? I’m telling you, it is an expected reaction. He is hurting and what better bet than protect myself? I did that with my ex, that’s how I know honestly.
You’re probably right. I really haven’t been thinking at all about how he’s been doing except in relationship to why he might be responding to me in a certain way. I just thought I was doing the genuine thing by telling him flat out I wanted a ride this morning and I’d hoped to head home with him last night, and that he’d be happy I reached out and would be excited about the prospect. He could be excited, I guess that’s still possible. I was just expecting a more peppy response or less of the game playing since I’d decided to stop in that moment. I guess it’s not his fault he already offered someone a ride this morning though or I had to go the bathroom. He probably lied about wanting to offer me a ride or not knowing I needed one because he didn’t want me to think he intentionally blew me off.
He is sensitive. If I don’t flat out say yes to things he wants or I’m not 100% positive to his offers/thoughts right off the bat, he takes it as rejection. Even if it’s not. Even if I’m merely trying to ask a question and then say yes to whatever it is. He also has a tendency to overthink and a tendency to think poorly of himself, but he keeps that really bottled up so no one knows. I just thought that giving him two days of no texting and riding in with a friend would be giving him space (WHICH WAS WHY HE BROKE UP WITH ME) and not burdening him by asking for transportation. I didn’t realize that’d cause him pain or some kind of upset.
Oh dear this situation is so confusing!! It sounds almost as though you haven’t broken up but also as though you’ve regressed back to two people who are just starting a relationship.
It sounds like if you want him you can have him, but have you figured out what it is you actually want? See the movie with him as friends and if your feelings for each other make it a date then it’ll just happen, but that way you can see if you want him back or what. That should hopefully sort your mind out.
Hopefully I helped a bit! Good luck 🙂
He drove me in this morning, but didn’t seem overly enthusiastic. I think it’s more work than me, but it still sucked. On the way to pick up our other coworker, he told me his friend Spencer, the one he stayed with before he moved, wanted to come to the movie with us on Monday because he wants to see it again. Apparently the two of them went and saw it on Monday, he didn’t tell me, then he asked me to see it on Wednesday. I feel like I was an idiot for thinking he actually wanted to do something with me. I got upset right as we were clocking on and he told me he’s sorry for seeing it without me and he’d be happy to see it three times if I want just the two of us to go. I don’t even know what to think. I feel like he doesn’t care at all and has no interest in me. Like I’m an idiot hanging on to nothing. He also apologized for not answering me last night and said he fell asleep. That’s about it. Other than him saying he’d share his lunch with me. I’m so distraught. I feel like I’m never going to get a chance to tell him my plan/idea.
That is weird. Him and the friend have already seen the movie once. You two have plans to go see it, then he invites the friend to go with you two. Even weirder the friend and him already saw it together. Then he also counter offers to go see it a third time just the two of you. You’re not an idiot for thinking that. I agree that he should only be wanting to go out with you, and you only.
I think this might just be a personality issue honestly. He may just not want to upset his friend and say he can’t go. A people pleaser. I know if I was trying to get my ex back and my friend asked to come, I would tell my friend to screw off. He did go offer to see it with you again, just the two of you. Which indicates he does want you both to be alone, but maybe he’s just not good at rejecting people and is trying to compromise for the whole situation.
I would just take it for what it is. Maybe you should have something “come up” so just him and the friend go, then plan something else for just the two of you. It can’t be fun for him to see a movie 3 times in a row and you don’t want the friend to invite himself again if he loves the movie so darn much.
I think we’re pretty much on the same page. I guess the only thing I’d clarify is that he explicitly told me that he made the plans with me and only invited me, then his friend mentioned wanting to go again, and he said he figured he’d ask if it was okay. I think more than anything, he probably wanted it to just be both of us, but he felt like he had to at least ask about his guy friend because he’s that nice. That and because he feels like he has to keep up the pretense of, “Oh yeah, we’re totally broken up and I made the right choice cause I don’t make mistakes” with his friend. The offer to go three times or saying he was totally fine with it being just us kind of keys me into that. I could be totally wrong and overly optimistic though.
The only other thing today that has me really freaked out is the fact I found a hair tie on the floor of his car that I know is NOT mine. I can’t think of any situation that makes sense, like it being his mom’s or a coworker having dropped it when he gave her a ride home, so I feel like some girl was in his car. I don’t feel like it was a date or anything sketch in my gut, but it still freaks me out. I’m pretty sure he saw me find it and said nothing, so his lack of being defensive also makes me feel like it’s probably nothing. I don’t know though. Should I be concerned he’s found someone else or took someone else out?
This is how I look at it: He saw the movie, right? One time is always a charm, he can see it on DVD. But the fact that he wanted to see it again WITH YOU should completely wipe out the fact that he saw it in the first place. He didn’t have to ask you to go again whatsoever. He didn’t even have to go again. But the fact that he did ask you and that he wants to take you means something.
I understand how it feels to have another friend invited along, but don’t take it personally whatsoever! It is hard to reject your buddies (especially for guys). He asked you still. You could have said no, but you didn’t, which leads me to another point. You get mega brownie points for being cool with a friend tagging along. So he can see that you are accepting.
I would say when you go to this movie, you make the night out of it for all 3 of you! Become someone that the friend will say “man, you’re such an idiot for letting her go”. I dont think this will be that hard for you!
The hardest thing to accept (trust me, it killed me beyond belief) is that he is single. He can do whatever he wants. He can take girls out, he can have short flings, he can have one night stands, but not of that is as satisfying as your attention. So yes, maybe he went out with a girl. Maybe it was one of his exes going out for frozen yogurt!! The whole point is he is STILL talking to you. So no matter what, no one else will compare. He won’t get attached. He won’t move on. Nothing is serious to him. He doesn’t want anything serious right now, remember? That doesn’t just go for you, it is for ANY GIRL!
To sum it all up, don’t take all of this personally and don’t worry about something you don’t know and is out of your control.
I am taking the biggest risk with NC, but I had to accept that he has control of only him. You cant do anything about it. The only thing you can do is just keep bettering yourself. That will grab his attention. Play with this fiends thing. You don’t have to be overboard about it, but flirt and joke around. Lay low when texting but when you see him, just be genuinely happy.
I would tell you if you had something to worry about, but I just don’t see it!
You do have a really good point about the movies and the fact that he still asked me to go. Hell, when I asked him when they’d actually gone to see the movie, he confirmed that he’d technically seen it two full days before he even brought up the idea of going on Monday with me.
I guess we technically never decided on anything one way or another in terms of his friend, as we were literally clocking on at work as this conversation happened. He just told me that he was more than willing to go three times so he could see it again with both of us, and that he’d be happy to go see it alone with me. In all honesty, I want us to go see it alone. Does that make me a bad person? Do I lose brownie points for that? Would I look better in his eyes if I just let it go? I could tell him I’m cool with his friend coming “if we do such and such alone instead” (I have an idea of something else). I don’t know. Maybe that seems manipulative or makes me look more desperate, like I’m really just trying to get us alone. He technically brought up the fact that he’d happily go alone with me though, so I’m trying not to think about it. I just don’t know what my best option for handling this is.
His ex going out with him for frozen yogurt was maybe the only possibility that clicked in my head. I mean, I don’t know why he’d need to drive her anywhere as we live in a tiny town. But he does technically only live three blocks from me and he still drives me home at night to make sure I’m safe. I guess I just find it hard to see that him still talking to me in particular means that no one else will compare. He was friends with the same ex and in contact with her the entire time were dating. He STILL talks to her. Maybe there’s something about your reasoning there that I missed, but I worry he’s just learning to see me as any other girl…
He warmed up a lot at work, gave me and a coworker a ride home, dropped that person off first so he clearly has no problem being alone with me, did talk to me some, and said he’d drive me tomorrow. He just seems so distant. He’s making no attempts at physical contact, he’s not trying to prolong seeing me, he’s not texting me outside of work much, etc. Maybe he’s forgetting about me or he just didn’t care that much to begin with. I just want us to spend time together alone in a setting that isn’t work and I want us to be able to talk. When I actually get to my feelings or talk like that, he seems to be really receptive. He even told me at one point early on in the break up that it’s hard being around me sometimes because he knows I have a lot to say and I have something I want to talk about, but I just won’t do it. I stall instead and let it eat up my insides. So am I wrong by not trying to talk to him more? Is all the small talk just making things worse?
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him. I want to figure this all out.
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