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So I got my concert ticket transferred to one of my friends. In all honesty, she’s my ex’s brother’s ex, but we’ve been friends since we met when they were dating, so it could be weirder. She said she ran into my ex at will call and he saw that she was picking up my ticket and had my ID. She said he said hi briefly, looked at the ID, and then just stared at her for a really long time while they waited. I’m pumping her for more details, but nothing yet. I have no idea how to take any of this.
He unfollowed me on facebook. Didn’t block or unfriend me. Just unfollowed. My friend says it’s probably too painful to see my posts, even though they’re infrequent. I don’t know what to think.
hey @between1standa 🙂 sorry this took a while, i do apologize!
to be honest and straight about something first.. i think your doing quite okay.
you have to understand to yourself and really realize how hard this is to accomplish. and its totally okay if you have a setback like you did a few posts back. thats all part of becoming stronger the next time!its kind of odd reading the things that you are saying he is saying/doing. it almost seems like there is something there for him about you. i mean you clearly have an impact on him even now. maybe he clearly saw you made some effort that day to get his attention you went to work? the time you said he looked happy to see you. i think you made a good decision in sending the ticket. simply because he will be wondering: 1, why you did that and 2, it will force him to think about you because you did it. trust me, a guy would. i know i would anyway..
i would not worry about the facebook thing at all. i think thats quite normal of ex’s to do so. And just think of it this way.. ask yourself why would he have unfollowed you. if he hated you/disliked you he would have removed you if he has already made effort to unfollow you. but he hasn’t. he has just unfollowed you for the simple and obvious reason that it most likely hurts him to see your updates/photos. in fact the ticket thing you did probably caused this. and to be honest.. thats a good thing. you have made him think of you and it probably hurts his stomach to think that.
a impact indeed 🙂 even though you say you dont know what to think, dont think its a bad thing because it is not. its not that hes trying to forget you, if that were the case he would have removed you as a friend. 🙂 ya did good girl.
She filled me in after the concert and said it was absolutely amazing. My ex’s family, and a couple of friends, have posted about a million photos on facebook. It’s cool to see, but also depressing to know I could’ve been there. My friend Alishka, who took my ticket, told me she couldn’t see him for most of the concert and didn’t pay a ton of attention, but said he seemed fairly somber and out of it during the slower songs or sad songs. I’d like to think I was on his mind. His brother brought one of his girl friends to the show, so I have no doubt he must’ve been at least a little lonely or probably wishing I was there in some capacity.
His mom sent me a message on facebook this morning. She said, “Carter, you are an amazing and generous person. Thanks for sharing your ticket with another amazing young lady.” So, at a bare minimum, I won major points with his mom and probably his brother (he spent all night texting Alishka, his ex/my friend).
I’m trying to assume that’s what it is with the facebook. If he didn’t care or didn’t want to be friends, he could unfriend me. And if he didn’t care, why would he have a problem seeing my stuff? It’s probably hard for him. I’m trying not to make assumptions, but that makes the most sense. I don’t post much, so it’s not like I was annoying him with a million posts and he hid them for that reason.
I’m just hoping that with a bit more space, and a clear talk once he’s back, we can start to make some headway. Maybe that sounds crazy, but it’s just so clear to me that this is like dating. And if he’s willing to call it dating, not even label us as boyfriend and girlfriend right now, he can have everything he wants. So why wouldn’t he be willing to try that?
i guarantee he was missing you or at least thought about you. there is not a day goes by that i dont think of my ex when a song comes on..
same goes for any guy i assure you.and thats actually really nice that his mother still sees you that way 🙂 really. thats huge. im fortunate for that too. my ex’s mum is fantastic and one of the loveliest people i have ever met.
and i think it is because deep down he knows what you want. it might be he needs time and he probably feels under a bit of pressure to talk to you about it. the space will work definitely. trust me. you were definitely not annoying him. hes obviously finding it hard to not think about you from what i can make sense of it!
but really, chin up a little at least, its not as bad as you see it 🙂 its difficult when your inside that box of thought. we all can relate. but you really are doing well.
He should know what I want, but he should also know what he wants. His attitude and actions just clearly tell me how he feels, and I think he knows it. He just doesn’t want to admit he made a mistake, and he’s scared to jump back into something. I’m trying to be LC and initiate nothing because then when he comes to me, I know it’s because he wants to. I feel presumptuous saying it, but I have no idea how he couldn’t be thinking of me or missing me at this point. And that’s what I want.
My ex’s ex (the one who came before me who was absolutely nuts) went to the concert. Admittedly, I know she went with one of her girlfriends and she stayed at a campground. Alishka, his brother’s ex who took my ticket, told me she never saw either of the girls and never saw him with them or talking to them. She also told me she didn’t have a great view/couldn’t see him for part of the night, so what do I even know? All I can think is that she got to go and I didn’t. And she got to spend time with him probably, and I didn’t. This probably means nothing in the grand scheme of things for the two of us, but I can’t help but just be incredibly mad and sad and feel like I need to give up. Any thoughts on this?
Hey @Between I have been super busy and not here since my last post to you. Okay I think in the last two posts you are over thinking things. You are really thinking this situation way too much when rather you need to keep the LC going, then you need to think of yourself a bit more and main point you need to talk to him. One of the classic mistake sentences in relationship is the one you used “He should know what I want”. He is a man you are a woman without saying it flat out straight to him, he most likely will not. Communication is the key. You guys need to sit down talk about what you both want calmly and then see if that is something you can fit together. If he says he is not sure does he want to be with you or not then you should go nc because how long can you live on this limbo situation? It is not good for you and your priority should be you.Because either you continue this limbo and you envelope everyone you two know into some kind of relationship drama or you start taking steps to take things forward no matter what the ending is if he is not he ready he is not ready than you should let go. I mean look at it you having convos with people how he behaved, what he said about you etc the reality is they cannot tell you the situation only he can.
But to really know is to talk to him if he says he does not know then you need to tell him that okay that is fine you are not pressuring him to be with you and we end it here and now so he can figure out what he wants but he must understand that he cannot call you, you only talk necessity at work but there will be no other contact so that you can move forward with your life because he can take time to figure out what he wants but when he does know it there is no guarantee you are available.That is not to give him ultimatum but to make him see that it is then what situation is.Like I said this is not hopeless unless you let it drag on too long and do not set boundaries because as long as you two do hiking trips, have sex, go to cinema it is like dating but not dating with commitment so he could at anytime take someone else out or go out with boys and sleep with someone not saying he would but he could and then you would be devastated. So really you are smart girl and you question yourself so think now what is best for you and only you and then you need to take action
because longer you let it go like this the more it will take into a space where you will analyze every little thing he does like now with the concert thing. Because what Dragongirl said had a point bout him possibly not being mature enough for you so you need to be brave and resolve this sooner rather than later. I know most people just will say stick at it and you will get him back but and maybe that is true but if you wait many more months the price mentally on you could be way to high and it might destroy the beautiful things you have left of the relationship right now. So my advice is you need to start being firm with this situation and stop waiting and sitting around and giving him the perks of relationship without one.I haven’t talked to him since Saturday. He should be back in town sometime today, but I don’t know that for sure. My intention has been to have a talk with him. To lay out the facts: this is essentially a relationship, and we can either count is as “dating” and working towards something (it doesn’t automatically have to be a relationship), or we need to stop talking and seeing each other. I don’t want to continue to things in this fashion, and it seems incredibly stupid to me that he hasn’t at least started to figure this out. I just have these small nagging thoughts that make it really hard for me to move forward. I keep thinking that I shouldn’t be trying to initiate a time to talk to him because I’m supposed to be ignoring him or waiting for him to come to me. I keep thinking that the fact he didn’t contact me Wednesday through Friday of last week, and only talked to me over the weekend because of work, shows he doesn’t care of the feelings he may have had are fading. He hasn’t said anything since Saturday, so that feeling just gets deeper. And yes, he may feel bad or may be waiting for me to reach out to him, but what if he’s not? Then what I’m saying is just a waste and I feel stupid.
But think of this way isnt it better to know than not to. Yes if it is not the way you want then you might think well if I would not have spoken to him it would be this and that but this is not healthy nor good situation for either of you.Normally situations are that relationships have broken down and people have done lots of silly stuff they should not have, you have not done those on the contrary you have tried to deal with this mostly in a very mature manner however when it starts going into a situation where you both ask other people what did he say, how was she and then tell things to other people but do not have these conversations and then just do things like a couple but not having that really defined what is it because if I ask you now are you a couple or not? Do you know? This is what I mean with limbo trust me someone who was on that limbo it is more draining than you ever think only once it is over one way or another (for me with relationship ending) I felt first time in a long awhile relieved yes I was devastated and sad as well but I also felt piece because knowing what my options were did make it better. Decision is always yours as it is your life. If you want to continue this way then do it your way and see where you are lets say in a month. I can only offer my opinion what you do is your decision.
I’m going to talk to him. I’ve made that decision. I’m just giving you some reasons why it’s hard to initiate a conversation or why it’s hard for me to be hopeful in any capacity, even when some many people are telling me to have some hope. It’s hard to be hopeful because my brain tells me if he cared or this could work out, he’d be in contact. Is that necessarily true? Probably not. I know I’m overthinking things and my brain makes things up. I also know I’m stuck in the middle of this so I probably have a hard time seeing any hope or lack thereof. I know I have to talk to him. I’m just afraid to. But I have to.
None of us can give you that hope. Why he is not in contact does not necessary mean he does not care but it can also be that you guys are broken up so he does not think he needs to report to you or maybe he is also sick of this limbo and trying to figure out what he wants. So many possibilities why that is but because you are stuck in there you only can think of those things you fear most which makes you feel down and scared and that means you are stuck. One of the things you can use this time to is maybe list the things you want to talk to him about or ask him about rather than being scared and worrying. If you keep calm and rational during it like you have before you can resolve lots of things for yourself. You are lot stronger than you think. And remember if he cannot decide what he wants it is not because it was not you he wanted but he is just too immature right now for that kind of commitment. And if he has figured it out then great but only he can tell you what you need to know.
And just one thing you are not stupid, on the contrary so trying to work this out like adult makes you brave and keep that in mind : )
I know no one can say for certain what’s going to happen. I don’t expect that and I also don’t expect people to sit here and just feed me false hope if there isn’t any. But when I come to this board and update on what’s going on, it’s because I can’t clearly see what any of it means. I’m sunk too far in the middle of it and I want outside perspective. If people think there’s no hope or that he doesn’t care or that NC is a waste of time, I’ll respect that perspective and take it to heart. If it’s the opposite perspective, I’ll do the same. I just want some input and feedback as to what all of this could mean. And as I’ve said, most people here and most of my friends have told me not to give up. They’ve told me they see hope and I just need to stick to my guns, be tough, and not sleep with him anymore. I’m just asking for some opinion or thoughts on whether this still applies, based on all of the little things that happen. If it doesn’t, or people no longer see hope, then maybe it’s time to quit. That’s all I’m stating or asking for. I’m not trying to get myself bogged down in this or overthink things.
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