-
Posts
-
That’s a very good approach. I think you, myself, and Ellie have all begun to do that within the past 2-3 days. Today was really hard for me, too. I’ve thought about my ex all day long even though I was staying busy, but I didn’t talk about her to my friends which I usually do, so I feel like that was a strong step forward even though it still hurts. It’s hard remembering all the things you state, though, like the fact that she still misses or cares about me to some extent and the only way to do that is to keep my distance, but hearing that you’re doing it and pushing through helps me do the same. Seeing you do it makes it easier for me because I know we’re going through it together albeit with different situations. Like you said, one step at a time.
It’s been a really hard day. I definitely haven’t gone without talking about him, and I haven’t stopped thinking about him for a single second. But I’ve gone through the motions of having a good day, kept myself entertained, and done things that are healthy for me. I treated myself to junk food at the store, went for a run, watched a movie, and talked to family members. It all feels productive, even if I’m hurting. I hate that I have to pass his place on the way to the grocery store because I know he’s not home now and that has my head spinning. But like last time, I’m trying to just assume he’s with his friend, and leave it at that. He’s not talking to me because he’s hurt, confused, and waiting on me, and he’s doing what normal people do when they’re alone or hurting, which is making plans with friends. I know I can make it through the rest of today, and tomorrow is a new one, so it’ll be different. I’m just trying to keep faith that I can learn to take better care of myself and that this is all REALLY going to help him understand like so many people have said it will.
I’m trying so hard not to cry and not to give in and message him, and I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. This is so hard and so tiring and not at all what I want.
I’m stuck in this place where I’m essentially NC/very LC, but I don’t think he necessarily knows that’s what I’m doing or understands why. He seems to be really butthurt that I haven’t talked to him or initiated plans or done anything, from the few messages I have received, and I keep wondering if I need to ask him to do something to try and explain why I’m going to be off the radar. I don’t know if this sounds like a stupid/bad idea, and with his schedule, I don’t know how we’d have time for it unless I specifically tried to make plans with him to talk to him. Any thoughts? I don’t want to lose him because he thinks I don’t care or have given up, but I also don’t want to keep letting him drag me on when this is so clearly dating/the beginning of a relationship and he just doesn’t see it.
Trust me, I’ve stopped posting on my thread to try and do me some good since Ellie suggested I do it like she did. Every single day for the past week or so has been very hard on me, like extremely hard. I think about my ex every second and it straight up kills me to not be with her, to not see her, and especially not to talk to her because I want all of those things with her more than anything. At the end of the day though, we just have to remember, we have to do what we’re doing so that we can have those things back later on. Sure we can have them now, but if we want them back permanently (at least talking to or seeing), we must keep doing NC. Also, I came across this yesterday, the only way (at least for me) to get my ex back is to move on. If I don’t move on, she doesn’t come back. If I do move on, I get to move on and also put myself in the best shape possible when/if she comes back because I won’t care anymore and my life won’t be about her, it’ll be about me. Thinking that kills me inside too, but I want her back more than anything and the only way to do that is to move on. So I guess the point to this paragraph is that I understand the feeling of wanting to break down and cry and message them, but we can’t, we have to be strong and keep pushing through no matter what and it’ll get easier after that.
The thing about NC is that at first, the person we’re trying to get back is either happy we’re not talking to them, don’t care enough to have any emotion attached to it, or angry because we’re “ignoring” them. The truth is, they all end up wondering why we stopped talking to them just cold turkey and it’s because we broke a pattern. When they realize that this isn’t a couple of days and then we talk to them, and it’s more of serious thing, then they start to think about it and really question themselves instead of us. So don’t worry about NC, the true reason behind NC never happens during the first and maybe second week, it usually takes a little bit for it to settle in with the people we’re trying to get back.
And you’re doing a fantastic job at doing productive things and keeping yourself busy
I understand all of what you said, and I really am trying to take it all into account. I’m just having such an awfully hard time and really have no one to talk to that doesn’t seem completely sick of hearing about him or hearing how I’m struggling.
We’re in the same boat, people who I used to talk to who said I could always talk to them don’t answer anymore. I know most are busy at this time of the year, but days go by and nothing. I would say keep posting on here for support since we all have your back and we’re all going through the same thing. I actually frequently check these boards throughout the day since a lot of my friends seem to have gotten annoyed
I’m obviously doing school work and going to class, trying to make plans with friends, eating, exercising, etc. but I’m almost constantly on here, refreshing to see if I can help anyone out or talk to someone. I doubt that’s healthy, but I guess it’s better than talking to him or spending all my time crying. My friends and people on here just keep telling me that if I can take care of myself and work on NC, they’re sure this will work out. I’m trying to believe it. My friends also keep telling me that I shouldn’t worry about not having heard from him in a couple of days and that they’re sure the second he sees me at work tomorrow, he’s going to want to talk to me or his “butthurt” will melt away and/or be really apparently simply because I haven’t been in touch these last couple of days.
I’m just stressed really now with school, not feeling like I have a great support system, trying to work out my living situation once my lease runs out, worrying about this weekend and the concert and whether or not he’ll ask and if he does whether I can go, and realizing his birthday is a little more than two weeks away and I have a huge dilemma there… Ellie has been helping me over text and I think we’ve come up with a good plan, but I guess I could always use a second opinion.
He’s turning 23 on the 6th. He’s always wanted to go skydiving, as he’s an adrenaline junkie (bungie jumping, free falling, rock climbing instructor previously, etc. all appeal to him). There’s a place near us that will even train you, based on a certain number of jumps, to be certified. Before we broke up, I told him repeatedly I was going to pay for his first jump for his birthday. I even put a deposit on it, though I never scheduled it. My question is this: Is it a terrible idea to give him this as a birthday present after the break-up? It’s kind of over the top and expensive for a gift after we’ve broken up, but since I did sort of already pay for it and I’ve always been lavish on holidays, I figured it’s not too bad. My follow-up question is: If I go for it, should I tell him he has that option or should I have the company send him an appointment card? We were thinking I should go ahead with it and have the company send him something. That way, he is either really happy and has a reason to get in contact with me, or worst case scenario, he thinks it’s annoying and weird and I just tell him I made that appointment months ago and forgot about it.
What do you think? As a guy, would you be excited about this, especially if it’s something you’d always wanted to do? Or would this be weird?
I was actually going to propose texting y’all! But I figured I’d be banned for posting anything like that haha I mean I agree with being on here may not be the best thing since I’m actually wanting to stop posting, but I’d rather keep talking to the people here. If it sounds like something you might want to do, just let me know.
In terms of the skydiving, I would love that. I think sending it from the company is the best option like y’all said because A) he contacts you and loves it or B) he still likes it but questions why you gave it to him to which you say you did it months ago and forgot about it. I highly doubt he’ll find it weird, if anything, it would make him remember that special part about you and make him miss you more! At least that’s what I know would happen to me if I were in his situation.
I’m totally on board with texting. I figure I’ve already gone as far as to post my facebook/phone number somewhere on here, so why not again. If you google “Carter Augusta facebook”, I should be the 5th person down. If you don’t have facebook or don’t like it (text is usually best to reach me at, as I don’t have a smart phone), 503-313-6096 is my number.
I’m glad it’s not totally insane or creepy then. I really want to go for it. It’s a fair chunk of change, but money is way less important than love and celebrating. I’m sure I could get them to send him the amount in a gift card with a note saying what it’s for, but I feel like I’d rather pick a set date and schedule it for him so he can’t back out or put it off. I’m talking to his bosses at work to see what a good time off is. Does that sound like a better idea too?
Hey Between, Since I’ve been so busy with work, I haven’t had a chance to read this entire thread. I just wanted to let you know that I still have intentions of finishing reading all of it by tomorrow. I will share my thoughts with you then. Thanks for your support on other threads!!
No worries, dragongirl! Thank you for even taking the time to drop me a message. I hope all is okay and look forward to hearing from you soon.
Day three, technically. Nothing since Tuesday. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy. I watched Legally Blonde with my cousin over FaceTime, and went over for a drink and homemade pasta at one of my guy friend’s houses. He’s like ten years older than me, no one I’m interested in, and it was kind of hard to be around him. I was proud that I actually got out and did something with a guy, even if it wasn’t romantic. I’ve been working on calculus homework and watching Friends so far today. I’m trying really hard to spend less time on Facebook. Not because I spend too much time on his page or anything, but because I’d really like to at least look like I’m busier than I am and not constantly sitting on there, even though we all know I have next to no life.
He’s on from noon to five. I get on at five today. I’m honestly really terrified. All of my friends are convinced he’ll try to start conversation, which I want him to do. Mostly so I can have that confidence boost but still get to ignore him. I’m scared he’ll completely ignore me or act butthurt. It’ll be easier to deal with that today than normal because I won’t have to see him the rest of the night. But it’s still really hard not to worry about. I don’t know. I’m just scared he’s giving up or mad at me.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.