The time after no contact

Hi everyone,

So here is my story:

My ex boyfriend broke up about 6 weeks ago and I applied no contact for 30 days now (today is the last day). I’m 22 and he is 30. Our relationship was kind of “perfect” from the beginning. It was a distance relationship but we managed to see each other every couple of weeks for at least 3 days each time. We were together for 4 months and talked about the future. He wanted me to move to his town and I really wanted to so I applied for the university but I also applied to universities in other towns just to be on the safe side. I will get an answer in the next few days where I will be studying.

Before he broke up we started to say “I love you” and we were on a short vacation. After the vacation we went to his town for another day. We really enjoyed this day at the lake and had fun despite the fact that I was still a bit sick (tonsils). We booked the bus to my hometown for him for the first time and I was really excited about it. In the evening I took the bus home, we had a little fight but nothing serious. He wrote me a sweet text message. The next days he didn’t call or text me like before but I thought it was because of his battery (he lost the charger). We met again after 3 days at a training and he said he wanted to talk to me.
He started a few sentences but never finished one, here are a few examples:
– and when you applied to all the other universities…
– I don’t know if I will be starting to go the new school or if I will go to Austria for 6 months
– I don’t know if it’s the age
– I didn’t want you to leave the last time at the bus
– I just can’t I don’t know why
– I broke up with a girl because I thought that she had to change too much to be with me and I don’t want you to be in this position

He said again and again that he can’t and he doesn’t know why and maybe we are too different. During our relationship he told me I’m his dream woman, we are perfect for each other and he wants me to be the mother of his children.

After he broke up I called him a few days later that I want to know the reasons but he couldn’t tell me. He wanted time to think and to write it down. I wrote him a letter about my feelings which was a big mistake.

We were supposed to work together for 2 weeks during the summer in Hungary. He is staying there right now until the end of August and is the boss. I got another offer for the summer so I wrote a text message if I’m still on the team and it took him 1.5 days to write: sorry for my late response. I wanted to write an email but I have no access to internet so I have to write a letter. You’re not part of the team anymore because they’re looking for someone in Poland. Get in touch with them. You will receive mail from me. Greetings
I never received a letter.
I know that he was really afraid of working together in the summer because he saw relationships break down because of the work there (you have no time for each other, it’s stressful etc). He started the topic every week and I told him not to think too much about it that we will make it but it didn’t help.
Also the unknown situation about me moving or not was a big topic for him.

I never answered him and applied no contact. It was really helpful to get this distance. I know now that I don’t need him and that I will surely find someone when I’m going to study but there are still this strong feelings for him. I always thought that he is the right one even though we are different. We also had some discussions about it because he is smoking and I really don’t like it. As long as he is not blowing me the smoke in my face it’s ok. He said he wants to stop smoking for me and he will change. I told him that he doesn’t have to because I fell in love with the man he is.

Since the break up I’m uploading a lot of pictures on Facebook to show him how happy I am and how much fun I have without him. Still there was no attempt from him to get in touch. I just noticed that he is also writing a lot if status updates which he never did before.
I’m thinking about writing this short positive messages now but I’m kind of afraid he will ignore them because he is good in suppressing everything (a friend of us told me that he thinks my ex boyfriend is trying not to think about it and it is just a time question when he will start to regret it).
Do you think a guy can be too stubborn/shy or whatever to not write back when you’re sending these messages after no contact?