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So, first and foremost let me get the elephant out of the room. I’m polyamory and I had 2 relantionships with two awesome girls. The first one and the one that its official to my family and friends and still maintain for 8+ years.
The other one… well it was 4 very intense years were we broke off multiple times and would arguee a lot acusing eachother of cheating. It sounds bad but we loved eachother so it wasn’t a toxic relantionship, we just were both very intense people… So last April I was with this girls only a couple of times because she was sick and I was very busy at work, things got out of control and what started in a discussion about a lunch next day turned out to be a 8h whatsapp discussion where we’d broke it off (I started it and then when I said that I didn’t really break up she told that she now did because she was tired of being in the shadow). So I deleted her from everywhere.. A day after I was panicking and I texted her begging and pleading and she reacted really cold, she called me and she told me it was definitive… 3 days after that I texted her again telling that I was in pain (dumb fuck) and she went even colder but somehow she replied with a heart to a couple beautifull messages. So a week after the breakup Im checking her facebook and the dumb cellphone just freezes and send a request… she blocked me. I was raging and asked her why, she was very cold this time. She said that she told she won’t be coming back for me and that it was final, she was very cold sending a goodbye message and blocked me everywhere…
I’ve been very depressed since then, I started NC but I Think i ruined it… I really love her and don’t want to lose her… this is day 9 and she didnt unblock me or reached me.. I need some words of encouragement..
It is toxic if there are a lot are arguments, accusations of cheating, multiple breakups, and one feeling as if she is a “secret” being kept in the shadows.
Most humans want a committed monogamous relationship wherein both are devoted and faithful to each other. This is the best type of relationship that tends to work out in the long run.
If other partners are introduced into the mix, it usually causes problems of jealousy as related to time restraints and not feeling loved enough.
Do the girls know about each other and both accept the arrangement? The 2nd girl might be fed up with the situation or needs time to calm down and reassess. Continue no contact and focus (for now) on the girl with whom you’ve had an 8 year relationship.
And how does your real girlfriend, the one your family knows about feel about this? Does she even know? You don’t see a problem here? Sounds kind of narcistist to me and a toxic borderline/narcistist personality disordered relationship. You seem to think you are entitled to two relationships, one open the other secret, and you are devastated that the one on the side wants out of it without even considering the real one. I would be more concerned about losing her if I were you. Yeah, I’ve got nothing else to say.
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