Some advice to fine tune the 5steps & NC to my situation? thank you in advance.

Just read this and I’m willing start this. My ex broke off with me when I got drunk one day and became insecure and had looked through her phone and approached her in a negative way about a guy that was messaging her. She wasn’t cheating on me but was upset and did admit that it was a guy that used to like her and she just responds but doesn’t initiate (she never had interest, but was civil since it’s a friends friend). Still, she felt like her privacy was violated and couldn’t be in a relationship. I never did anything like that before but it makes no difference whether I was drunk or not, I still made a mistake.

We were also in the middle of working things out because our relationship was slowing down due to our slight distance and busy schedules. Ideally she wished I was more affectionate and spent more time with her during the week (wished i had chose to move in with her or visit her 3-4 days a week) and was starting to lose feelings as she fell out of love.

She still tells me she cares about me deeply and wishes that I still consider her a best friend to contact in any reason because she feels that she knows me better than most of my friends, but I can’t see myself doing that so easily at the moment unless I’m with her.

The first 2-3 days after break up I was still texting (yes being desperate but also apologetic because it was a drunken mistake and I would never had gotten like that sober. I felt so very regretful that one wrong move ended our relationship.) and apologizing for my actions while acknowledging her stance and decision and at the very least things became civil but remained broken up. She told me if I had just asked her about it nicely then she would have been 100% ok with explaining anything to me. It was only a few days after, but I told her even though I still love her I’ve started to accept that we both should move on (even though its harder for me) and agreed with a response from her that I won’t ignore her or have hard feelings or awkwardness should we ever run into each other other. She also agreed that she’d be cool to hangout if it came down to it (but i’d rather give NC a chance). Shes happy that I told her I’ve accepted things and wanted to be positive and move forward as she did herself. Still, I think about her and the the last thing I did on the 3rd day after breakup was call her and have a happy conversation. I know I shouldn’t have done that, but it was a way to verbally confirm that I wasn’t going to keep making drama out of all this. She wasn’t upset anymore and also understood she may have done things that made me insecure and felt bad about it, but still felt right about not moving forward in the relationship because she couldn’t be with someone where trust was jeopardized. I haven’t talked to her since, but we did mention that we have eachother’s posessions to return to eachother (do I do that and her meet me to exchange?)

At one point in our relationship we both felt this would become something real and long term, possibly marriage. But it started to erode as we got busier and her great amount of affection for me wasn’t being returned in her eyes. I felt bad but I always loved her and it’s just that I’m not as spunky/outgoing as her, I’ve ways been more the introverted type and her, the extrovert.

She did breakup or consider it twice before but only because she felt I wasn’t there enough and started to get bored at times, and maybe a few arguments jaded her as well ( but they weren’t as bad ones I had with past ex’s or saw my friends have, she’s just a bit more sensitive and affected by really bad past relationships). The third time (last break up) was due to me snooping while I was drunk and upset at our the relationship going rocky during that time although we were in the process of trying to work things out for the better, because the second time she was proposing a breakup was only a week prior. The first time was a total breakup but we got together few days after it when I met with her and explained to her how we can make things work (happened a month or two before second).

Based on this I’m not sure how long my no contact period should be.

Some things I’m doing now is trying to focus at work (but hard to concentrate), waiting to hear from new job interview i had, started boxing, running morning and after work or sometimes both, and side projects while reaching out to close family and friends. But still, there are moments in the day where I’m still shackled by the situation and immensely stressed/depressed and thinking about this, if not during all those moments. However, I plan on becoming something better than before whether I decide to get her back or not.

I’ve also accepted the fact that starting this period of NC could help me realize I’m better off not with her romantically and could be okay with that too if my mind ends up taking that turn since there were a few things I always thought we thought differently about that could be a factor in a long term relationship unless we both worked at.

If you can provide a little more detail on how to fine tune the steps to my situation that would be awesome and I would appreciate it a whole lot!