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Hey Ellie, Yes silence is far more powerful and will get your message across. He will wonder why and think about you a lot more. That is the typical cycle. You may think its not an emotional message but he is going to see it that way. You can find closure in different ways but this message is not the way to do it.
And I don’t think you are being mean! I think you are a truly awesome girl and deserve a guy that is equally as awesome.After thinking about it, I agree with dragongirl. I think that silence is going to be golden for you but that it has to be TRUE SILENCE. Permanent no contact, until he gives you a reason to believe that he’s actually made up his mind. If you truly want to start moving on, you can’t give in and stop NC after awhile. But I second everything dragongirl said, especially how we all just want to take care of you and listen to you 🙂
@ellie I agree with everyone here. Apparently only silence could make him understand. I do think that silence is more effective BUT if you feel like telling him all that and sending the message would make YOU feel better for yourself then I think you should do it. However take in consideration that he might not understand your point and take it the wrong way. So do it only if you really feel like you’re willing to move on and end the relationship completely with him. I know people wouldn’t agree with me on this but I think you should also do what you feel is best for you, and if it would make you feel good then I think you should do it. On the other hand if you want to come out stronger in front of him and feeling like you still have a chance then don’t send it. That’s just my point of view.
Oshi is on point. If you need to do it for your sake and sanity, do it. If the message itself is optional and you just want to stop the game playing and try to show him what he’s missing, go full no contact. Indefinitely.
If you want power over the situation, then you should definitely go NC. But if you want to look weak and desperate then go ahead and send it. This letter isn’t going to make you feel better because the reaction you are expecting-either now or in the future won’t be one that you like. Guys don’t open their eyes because girls send emotional messages. They don’t think that way. To them, they are just empty words and they hit the delete button. Guys do turnarounds and change their behavior when they realize how much that girl means to him and how much she adds to his life and that he’s happier with her in it. Nothing else can change them-they are stubborn beings. It’s in their nature. So the best thing to do is do NC and forget all about this message.
I’m so blessed to have you guys!! I talked to me therapist today and this is the way I look at things. I will explain to you the first 2 ways I looked at things, and then I’ll explain to you the way I’m looking at it now. Could you guys correct me if I’m wrong about the third one?
1) If I Sent The Message:
I would do it because honestly, yes I am done. It would be closure for me but at the same time I would hope at some point it would have an impact on him because I have never said it before. I felt that it could be best just for me. Because I’m someone who likes to say what I need to say.2) I Will Just Go Into Straight Indefinite NC:
I would do this because it may just be easier for me to do it that way. I wouldn’t have to have the fear of him attacking me or laughing at me. But at the same time I don’t want him to think that I’m playing games and that I will come back.3) The Way I Am Beginning To View Things:
When I texted him Thursday night saying “Lol I knew it. Thanks a lot (name)…” and he texted me 5 times and called me 2, I feel like that could have been my “I’m done” message. Because I didn’t go into detail, it is a complete mystery to him, and now he’s left hanging. So therefore if that is my “I’m done” message and then I go straight into NC, at first he will expect “oh she will text me in a week and everything will go back to normal”, but then when I don’t text him, it will shock the shit out of him and really make him think. Do you agree?My therapist said that either way I decide to go it will have an impact on him later down the road because he was with me for over 3 years and he loved/still loves me, plus I was his first love and I ended things for good so it takes away his power. She said that he hasn’t gone through the grief cycle yet because I was always still there and he had that connection. Whereas I’ve gone through it forever because I only had a little connection. She said it is up to me to decide what way would be best for ME. So that’s why I thought of the third way? So I can just leave things as is and I can move on in the hopes that something will work out in the long run. Hopefully it will help his confusion!
I think the third option/thought is a good one. Your therapist is right that that comes across as kind of a closing message without being incredibly dramatic and possibly giving him something to use against you or justify what he did. I would go into definite NC for now.
I’m never that his last text me was “really?” So then he is done and he won’t care 🙁
His last message to me when he went those 5 messages was “really?” because I never responded. I’m scared he is going be like like, I’m done and I don’t care about her and blahblahBlah. Which may be his first reaction but I hope after a while he will realize and miss me..
He’s saying “Really?” not because he doesn’t care but because he totally does. He expected you to just give in to him and talk to him, and he’s probably really confused and possibly concerned as to why that’s not happening now. Him saying that shows that this is not what he was expecting and is hopefully a good wake up call. I think leaving it at that is a MUCH better way to end things and start indefinite no contact. Dragongirl was totally right. This will hit him much harder and look much less crazy than if you sent that long note. I don’t think you’re crazy but I know for a fact that guys will use ANYTHING as justification for their behavior and actions, so sending that would probably just make him feel justified in breaking up with you and acting like this because you’re “crazy” (dumb dude words, not mine).
I read through some of the recent stuff and figured I could help out if you’d like another opinion on things. Like everyone before has said, NC will be your best route and if he responds with “Really?”, it does shows he cares because even if it is a negative reaction/emotion, it is still an emotion/reaction nonetheless. Also, I saw this the other day that helped me, “It’s hard to miss something that’s right in your face.”
All that being said (and me being a guy), he will start to miss you. There’s no way 3 years goes away that quickly, and he’ll realize how great you are.
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