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By taking control of your life and not giving into their every whim and little sign that perhaps they may be interested. I myself am still struggling with this but they know when they have lost control of us and if they truly care and we do stand a chance of getting them back it is during that time that is our best chance !
Then do you recommend me texting him and telling him I’m done? Right there it is taking control. I chased him when he did that to me. That shows him that he has lost control. That shows him that he has lost everything. Do you recommend that?
I myself have thought of doing that however given everything they have done to us do you think they even deserve it ? Or do you think they will even believe it or might he think its another ploy or a game to manipulate him into coming back to you. I know thats not your intention but men have big egos and like us can misread things. I personally would just stop responding, unless he has something of value in his messages then he’s not worth it !
I already did the stop responding thing.. I’ve done it twice.. that’s what he will think the game is. He freaked both times, but I never told him i was done.
I feel if I do that now and then not respond or contact from here on out, he will finally realize that it is over..
This is what I have written so far. I keep blanking out so I’m not sure exactly, but it needs to be critiqued.
(insert name).. I give up.. I’m done.. You won. These games are now over. You got everything you wanted. You got to use me without having strings attached just like you wanted. You finally pushed me away. Out of everyone..I never would have thought that you would do this to me. I thought you were my best friend.. I would have thought that you would have treated me different than just being some meaningless girl, but I guess that is what I really was.. I feel stupid for even believing that you loved me. After 3 years together…after 7 months of not giving up on you like I promised.. It’s as if all of meant nothing to you. Our road trips, our family gatherings, our adventures, our music, our heart to heart talks, our movies nights, our high school memories, our dreams together, and so much more…it feels like all of that meant nothing.. The sad part about all of this is, we would have had an amazing life together..especially how we began handling things now. I know that you agree with that somewhere deep down. It took a lot out of me to forgive you and to understand..but these games are what killed it. These games are what took away every bit of hope we had left.
Ellie,
This really isn’t going to be what you want to hear I’m afraid. I think you’re doing the right thing here, honestly. You can send the text if you want, but I don’t even know if he’s worth it. I think that makes him send you persuading counter texts/calls soon down the road which will make you second guess things. If you were to give in again, he will go right back to what he is doing now. Actions that make you unhappy.
I feel like if you really want you and him to ever have a chance of working out, you need to get over him as soon as possible. You need to detach yourself from the stress he is constantly putting on you. He needs time to realize that he lost the best girlfriend he will ever have.
Once you start to get over him, you will enjoy being single. You don’t have to devote so much time to worrying about him. You even said, life is too short to put into people who don’t seem to care about you. They literally do whatever they want, tell us what we want to hear to make us feel better, then repeat. I feel like in both of our situations, we have wasted enough time worrying about these type of people who do nothing to maintain a healthy relationship with us.
@KPowers I texted him around 1 this morning and just said “Lol I knew it. Thanks a lot (insert name)”
He texted me 5 times:
“Huh?”
“Knew what?”
“Just got off and was riding my bike”
“Ellie”
“Really?”
and he called me twice
So you don’t think it would be beneficial to tell him that I’m done because if all the games?
Ellie, I also agree with the above from Kpowers . I think whilst he deserves you to be harsh and mean to him I don’t think it will get you anywhere. It obviously has created a panic within him as we can see in the messages above but is that what you want him to panic and to come back without really thinking about it or that other reaction he could have is to react right back to you and say such nasty things you go back to feeling how you did right when the breakup occurred. Show your ex how much you’ve grown and how mature you can be and just walk away. It will be so hard yes, but in the end you will feel much better knowing you didn’t sink down to a lower level. Stick to who you are and the wonderful woman you are 🙂
The thing is, I’m playing the game if I flat out ignore him once more. If I stick to my guns, explain to him why I’m leaving, and do so, then it will give him time to think. It will never really end if I just shut up.
At least that is what my friend is saying.
I think KPowers point was more that you need to stop worrying about him and start moving on. That way, if things ultimately work out, you’ll be really surprised and happy. And if they don’t work out, you’ll find someone who is a million times better for you. I could easily just be misinterpreting what she said, and if I am, ignore me and then forgive me, KPowers. I just didn’t get that she was commenting on the texting options so much.
I agree with doing everything you said. I think that if you just ignore him, this continues. Until you break and stop ignoring him and the cycle restarts.
I think its a similar outcome with an explanation to him or not. I say go with the route that makes you feel better in the end because you’re healing is very important. I suggested just cutting contact because I think he’s well aware of what he’s doing. It’s not cool to ignore your girlfriend/boyfriend for days. Maybe if it was the 1800’s and telephones didn’t exist.
The fact there are day(s) where you don’t know what your ex is doing or up to concerns me, but once he knows your upset at his convenience he has no problem reaching out and wanting to talk about it. This is what keeps stringing you along. He wants to keep you happy and once he feels your happy again he goes right back to doing what he does and crushing you.
That is so frustrating on your behalf, and I feel for you. It entirely seems like the only times he wants to work things out or even talk is when he’s afraid he’s losing you.
I agree 100% with both of you! You guys have no idea how much I appreciate the support!
I have finally written out what I was going to say. The reason why I chose this route and to finally ignore him is basically within the text I will send to him soon. I hope all of this makes an impact on him. I’ll post it so you guys can see and comment!
Excellent. I’d love to see what you’re planning on sending. When are you going to send it?
“Name.. At first I wasn’t going to respond. I was just going to leave things as they were and go on from there. But then I realized that that would completely contradict the point I am trying to make and that it would just cause more problems because neither one of us would have closure. With that being said, I give up.. I’m done.. You won. These games are finally over. You finally got what you wanted. You finally pushed me away, while you got the chance to use me. Our relationship title ended in October, but it never really ended between us..until now. I made a promise to you over 3 years ago that I would never give up on you and that I would never leave you like many others have. I have never broken a promise to you, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to break those two. I meant everything I said to you and every feeling was real. But after 7 months of all of this back and forth nonsense..I’m done. I’m worn out. I’m tired. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love you, it just means that I love myself enough to say that I deserve so much better than this. I deserve someone who is going to take 20 seconds out of their day to text me back and someone who would like to see me more than once a week. Actually, someone who would rather spend an entire day with me instead of 4 hours. I understand that you are busy with work, family, and friends (and I understand that we technically aren’t together) but so am I, however I made sure that you knew you were just as important to me by texting you back within that day and by making time/trying to make plans with you. I really put time and effort into forgiving you for EVERYTHING (I know more than you think) and trying to understand your actions so that I could work with you in the hopes of us getting back together at some point. I wasn’t asking for much from you. I wasn’t asking you to give anything up or to only devote yourself to only me. All I wanted was you to respect me enough to treat me as if I meant something to you. Out of everyone..I never would have thought that you would do this to me. I would have thought that you would have treated me different than just being some meaningless girl, but at this point I feel like that is all I ever was. I thought I was your best friend..but best friends don’t do this to each other, no matter what. I realize that I should have done this sooner, but I held on because I cared that much for you. Like I said, it isn’t that I don’t care now, but I cannot hold onto someone who doesn’t want to hold onto me. I have got to focus on myself. I have got to let go of you and of our past and of our memories. Our road trips, our family gatherings, our adventures, our music, our heart to heart talks, our movie nights, our high school memories, our vacations, our late night Walmart runs, our dreams together, and so much more. I am ready to let all of that go and start a new life. I am not going to be that ex that says “I’m never going to talk to you again. We are never getting back together. You’re never going to see me again. Etc.” because neither of us have any idea what is going to happen in the future. We don’t know how we will feel, what we will realize, and how we will want to handle things. But for right now, it is time to be adults and set things aside. I think that with the strong connection/chemistry that we have and just working on communication, we would have had the future we talked about and it would have been amazing. There is no doubt in my mind that that would happen, and I know you agree. But people can have the biggest connection ever and still not work out. Connections start a relationship, but effort continues it. There was little effort coming from you and so much coming from me, and even though that connection is still strong, as of right now any sort of relationship will not work out between us. There is no doubt in my mind that you love me, and I completely understand that you can’t figure out what you want, but I don’t have another 7 months to wait and see if you finally figure out if you want me or not. Just remember that the decisions you make now are going to strongly impact your future. So for your own sake, make sure you are able to live with the decisions you make forever. I hope you have at least enough respect for me not to cuss me out or say mean/hurtful things to me. Anyways, good luck with everything and I wish for the best!”
What do you guys think?
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