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I just received it a few minutes ago. My BD was yesterday. She apologized for missing it and said she hopes I had a good birthday. I was expecting one from her yesterday which I already agreed I would of replied too, but I really don’t see how she was too busy to send it on my actual birthday, unless of course she regretted not sending it the day before. Not sure if I should reply or not now. I didn’t wish her HBD. She’s contacted me 4 individual times now VIA text and I’ve ignored each one. We’re a few days shy of 3 months NC for me. What do you all think? Do I say thank you to this person regardless of being late and leaving me for someone else?
Hello again Jasminka! Thank you for your response. I would like to reply, but I’m afraid it could be solely just emotional relief for her. At least that is whats been brought up a couple of the previous times she’s texted me. I know I have several different posts on this forum at this point and its really hard to analyze every specific detail that leads up to this. Just in general why do you think a girl would go so far to try and get a response from me through several text messages, especially while dating someone she left me for?
To answer your last question, it might be just to assuage some of her guilt. While she’s with this guy, she probably thinks that “you hate her” or something, and texting you is a way of seeing if that’s true. Its important though to recognize that this doesn’t necessarily mean she still has feelings for you – I don’t mean that in a harsh way, just kind of playing devils advocate. I had a friend in college who couldn’t STAND if people were upset or mad at him at all, so he would pester them to see if they were actually mad, which generally ended up actually making them mad. My point is that it could be a sign that she misses you, or could just be the emotional relief/guilt reducer you mentioned.
Exactly. I don’t feel like she deserves to be ridden of all that guilt and I’d prefer not to break NC if that’s all it is. She did mention that in her second to last text a few days ago that she knows I hate her, but she will always be there for me no matter what.
Then a month ago she sent a pretty long text saying she made a huge mistake letting me go, she misses me, thinks about me all the time, she knows she messed up, and she’s sorry about everything she’s done to me. In that same text she also had a sentence where she said she wasn’t trying to win me back, then assumed I was much happier without her.
There are just too many mixed signals for me to read what she’s wants at this point. Do you think breaking NC is worth it?
I have a question for u… Do u still want her back?
I think saying thank u to her just shows that u are not being rude… There is not too much of a meaning to it if u reply…
I think she already feels regret and probably feels a bit trapped in her current situation.
Would u say she is kind of girl who doesnt like to be single ?I think its safe to say I want her back. My progress has came a very long way during NC and I’m scared to bet on her commitment again though. I think breaking NC to say thank you may be a good idea. She really can’t assume much off of a thank you. She will likely try to reply and talk to me. Should I go back to NC then?
I would say yes to her not liking being single. This is what makes this situation hard. She probably won’t leave the guy unless I’m a sure thing. Even at that though, I still can’t assume that she wants me back.
you are just being polite by saying thank you …and u dont have to answer anymore questions after that…so she gets the point that u replied to her out of politeness and thats it. keep ur boundaries.
Btw i dont know if u signed to receive emails from Kevin but it does say that if during NC, ur ex contacts u, u can reply with short sentences…
You havent replied to her previous texts u said. so only one shouldnt harm, it has been 3 months…
this is my opinion …Regarding ur second reply, it seems she will not let go of this guy until somethings really go wrong with him or u make it clear to her that u want her back…but the second one shouldnt even be an option…she should do the hard work for u …
I have one more question…are u the type of person who is a loyal lover? and ur feelings dont easily change?
There is a good chance I will take this route then. Yeah I signed up for his emails right after the break up.
I agree she needs to do the work and it needs to be her idea. When we define her doing the hard work for me, do you think I should stick to NC/LC until she suggests a reconciliation or in the event she continues to text me should I gradually start talking to her more often?
My feelings don’t change easily and I was very loyal to her. If I believe something can work out I won’t give up on it. She knew I would never lie to her face and I never did. I wish I could say the same for her.
regarding your previous post,
I guess because she knows u are very loyal & genuine person, she also takes u for granted…
I think the path u have followed up to now is ok (not answering all her msges)…I wouldnt gradually improve the conversation, let her do this…let her give you more obvious signs that she feels regret and wants to come back to you. You need to think of yourself more and protect yourself. Be cautious…Try not to be rude or friendly in your messages…and i think its ok to ignore some of her msges and not to answer all..I think she has to go through this journey with another guy for sometime to really appreciate you…You seem like a very caring and loving person. I am sure it will not take her long to miss your comforting love.
I know how this is going to sound but because it has been 3 months that u broke up with her, try to see what else is around…Go dating, meet new people (girls !)…:)
Should the text literally just say “Thank you”?
I’m starting to think you’re absolutely right about her feeling trapped. I think she realized the grass isn’t greener, but doesn’t want to drop the new bf if I’m not available. Hence her going very far out of her way to text me/creep on me all the time.
She definitely took me for granted. That’s one thing my best friend always says is I let her get away with too much and that’s why she would go out and do whatever she wanted. He also encouraged I should let at least a year pass so she can mature some and realize most of these guys she is into aren’t so great, while I date other girls of course to realize if she is really what I want.
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