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We had a very amicable breakup. Basically moral of the story is we went long distance to moving in together too soon. This created a lot of circumstances that weren’t ideal. She broke up with me because she wasn’t sure that this is what she wanted. We dated just under 4 yrs total. I immediately went no contact. She texted me happy birthday and I just responded thank you. Then she texted me once just looking to talk and I ignored it. Then out of the blue one weekend night she started texting me nonstop how much she missed me and that she missed me so much it hurt. She was asking to see me. Which I declined and eventually said we could meet for lunch to catch up next week. She kept persisting and I still declined. The next day she asked to hang out again but said she understood if I wasn’t ready yet. I said we could hang out but asked her to clarify what a hang out was. She said “I’m not ready to get back together but I do miss you and I want to see you and just see how we feel. Anyways fast forwards I went over to her place we had dinner and wine and juSt talked. Not about the relationship at all. She kept occasionally touching me. We ended up hopping on the couch and cuddling and kissing. She initated hand holding and rubbing. I didn’t stay over. The next morning I get a text that she had a lot of fun and thanking me for coming over. She has been texting a lot since. What do you guys think? What’s my move? Should I wait a couple days and ask to see her again? Let her lead? Any thoughts?
I don’t have any advice as I just starting the five steps. But congrats. I hope to have your resolve and results.
Sounds like mission complete I would initiate more dates and not let her slip away congrats man if u love her that’s awesome news . Don’t rush tbings and close the deal. I wish I had thah chance again but I’m in te idk stage of wtf moments from day to day lol
We broke up officially just over a month ago. Immediately went no contact. And it was exactly a month that I got the i miss you text. And we have talked everyday since. Sometimes flirty sometimes just about stuff. There still feels like a giant elephant in the room. Do I just let her bring up the relationship? And do I initiate the next date?
If she’s not with someone new and she is contacting u daily and still being flirty I would set up a date maybe not a romantic one but an activity to have some laughs . Have a few drinks see how it goes . It’s tough to say u know her better then we do . The first part of the plan nc seemed to work for u .
Ya it’s hard to decipher through all this. NC definitely seemed to work. I’ll hold out the weekend see how it plays out and then set something up for next week.
Hey you do have a good chance.
Act like friends,do not say anything about the break up,negative memories and getting back together.
Show her the new positive,happy,confident you.try to create good times so she will remember the good memories you had more and more.
Show that you care about your personal life (your job,your goals) and you are improving it.and also show her that you care about her personal life.
You should attract her again and its obvious she has feelings for you so its not gonna be that hard.
Don’t say anything about getting back together,break up…. until the 4th meeting.be all positive during this time and let her feel comfortable with you.
For the next date,you can ask her out.be cool about everything and just try to have a good time.control your emotions.she doesn’t have to be sure that you want her back.show her you have been having a great time in your life.
I will help you through your next steps.Best of luck
Second date is locked in. Going to this outdoor festival. Good music, food and drinks. Anything special I need to do?
Well, if she’s anything like my ex, she’ll start to shit test you eventually. So stay cool, confident and in control like you have been.
My ex contacted me out of no where in May (broke up last September) saying she missed me and tried so hard to get over me etc etc. We’ve had contact on and off now since. She wanted to come by last month.
So we set something up for the weekend. She later backed out days later saying “it’s dangerous because we’ll start asking each other questions and like who we slept with over the months being apart” and she would tell me about her dates but when it comes to ask me about mine that I wouldn’t tell her because according to her I’m immature like that.
Of course I wouldn’t tell her about my dates nor do I need to know about hers.
Anyway you did a great job. Your in total control. It back fired on her. Kudos.
Like I said just stay cool. Confident and in control like you’ve been. If she starts to try to “break” you and start shit testing you, ignore it. And stay cool.
Okay thanks for that. Last thing. We were texting flirty and then outta nowhere goes “like we talked about I’m not ready to get back together I just want to take things slow and see where they go” this was before we decided to go on a date this week. Is this something to worry about? Is she being honest or does she want her cake and eat it too? Need some advice on that. I have never talked about relationship yet. She has brought it up twice and I was nochalant sounds good. Thoughts?
She’s protecting herself, not to look needy or just being cautious. Basically it’s really nothing to worry about in my opinion.
Stay nonchalant as much as you can. Enjoy the festival with her. Build on that.
But stay the way you have been. Don’t slip and be her “lap dog”
I repeat don’t slip and be her “lap dog”
I think the major attraction here is she sees that she doesn’t have complete and utter control. She feels like she can lose you. You didn’t really show emotion or beg.
When she text you happy birthday, you said thank you and nothing else. That’s a clutch move.
When she feels she can lose you (like when you didn’t respond to her texts) it bothered her and started barrage texting you. Another sign.
If you feel “iffy” about something, stay cool, pull out and ask us here. That’s also key. If something bothers you, just sniffle, pull out quietly and regroup. Because during “sensitive times” like this, one little moment or scuffle, could set off a chain of reactions of “stubbornness” or “grudge” and push you back in the trenches of NC again.
Don’t sweat. You’re doing great. And I salute you!
So I feel like I’m being messed with. She is so hot and cold. One minute she’s talking about places she wants to take me. the next we say one word to each other all day. Two things bugging me. The first is we were both invited to her family’s bday party this weekend before the breakup. It’s in a different state and she doesn’t have a car I saw on the thread thay she is definitely going. How is she getting there???? The second is she is having her own bday party next weekend (granted I won’t be in the country) but so far no invite. We are going out together tonight. What is going on? What do I need to do to clear my head and be relaxed at this “date”? Do I bring up any of my concerns. How can she be texting me everyday? Is she seeing someone else. So confused. Any advice would be great.
Update: second date honestly could not have gone better. We went out had fun. Came back to her place made dinner and then immediately started making out. She initiated the move to the bedroom and we had sex. We talked and said we both aren’t ready to get back together yet but want to keep seeing each other. She in is Ted there is nobody else and has no interest in anybody and loves me and says I’m her best friend. She acknowledged she knows we could never be just friends. Says we are taking the right steps and that we are building up to getting back together and it doesn’t happen overnight. I asked her the end goal with all of this and she said she wants to work on things but needs to take thing slow as we dated for 4 yrs and getting back together would be significant. She was texting me all day about how happy she was waking up with me today and how much she just missed touching me. We had a lot of sex in that 12 hr period. My question to the forums is is she for real? I really do want to believe we are headed in the right direction. I want to take things slow I just wish I knew there was a finish line here. Any advice?
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