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Hi everyone – first time posting here so be kind! 🙂
My girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago… and I didn’t see it coming. Essentially she said that she lost the spark and didn’t feel the need to spend more time with me (we used to meet once or twice a week) and so broke it off. Losing the spark or not having enough chemistry is something I’ve heard from a few girlfriends now – I equate this to “losing the connection” in Kevin’s step-by-step guide.
My question is: how can I create and keep this spark by becoming a better version of myself? I am naturally introverted (which I accept) but I often hold emotions and personal things back, which is possibly an insecurity thing. I’ve also had feedback (from exes, friends and work colleagues) that I am kind and pleasant to be with. Maybe I need a little bit of nasty?
Any tips or advice on how to do this? If it is to do with building more self-confidence or learning more relationship skills, what are some good ways of doing that?
Thanks for reading!
@Sparrow – See a therapist if you can afford it. If not, talk to mature adults who know you for tips..
Thanks @patricia12. I have talked to friends who have advised (re)discovering hobbies to build self-confidence and cultivating a clearer vision of who I am and where I want to go.
Any other suggestions of things that have worked for people would be appreciated!
I feel like my situation is exactly like yours. My ex broke up with me back in July after being together for 7 months. I didn’t see it coming at all. She said she didn’t feel as strongly as she should have. Also we didn’t communicate enough or something like that. I hold back on my emotions a lot too. But yeah I tried doing no contact and then talking to her but she didn’t wanna talk because she has a new boyfriend. I’m not sure what to do or what the right thing to do in your situation is. I just wanna let you know you’re not alone.
I’m talking to a therapist and it’s helping. I’m trying to become stronger because of this and you should too. I might reach out to my ex or maybe not idk still@steeld8 Thanks for sharing your story – it’s a bit comforting to know that I’m not the only guy going through something like this but also sorry to hear that you are. I’m currently near the beginning of the no contact phase and working on doing things to develop myself and my confidence: signed up to the gym, started taking karate classes, wrote down my vision of what I want in my life and started working towards achieving those. Ultimately I want to be comfortable with who I am to want to share that with others freely.
I don’t know what the right thing to do would be for you but the new boyfriend might be a rebound relationship, in which case it is likely to fizzle out quickly.
That’s good that you’re doing all that stuff. It’ll help without a doubt and things will get better. I lost 20 pounds since my break up and if anything I feel more healthy because of this. Also when you do talk to your ex don’t sound needy and don’t talk about the relationship. I made those two mistakes last month after trying to talk to my ex after my first round of no contact.
And yeah I’m pretty sure my ex is in a rebound but it’s still tough knowing she is doing all the relationship stuff that we did with someone else. I’ve been in no contact for over a month now and it has helped. I have good days and bad
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