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Here is the bare bones of my situation. 4 year relationship. 3 months since BU/NC. Blocked her, family, and friends on all social media. She technically left me for another guy, and is still with him as far as I know. This is not the first time she has left me for someone else. This will be the third text she has sent me now during NC, plus she’s done other miscellaneous stalkerish things.
A few days ago my dog died. The only place she could of found out was from Facebook, which her and just about everyone she knows is blocked on. This evening I received a text and the first half was basically saying sorry about your dog. The second half says “I know you hate me but I’m always going to be here for you no matter what I just want you to know that.”
I understand she sent the text to appear she’s apologizing for my dog. It would be rude to not reply, but there is definitely a desire for a response by the last half. I feel she wants me to address the hating her and knowing shes there for me things. The way she’s been obsessing over me throughout NC I know there’s still feelings for me, but since she has feelings for me and is currently with someone else, then that means there are still games involved as well. That’s something I have zero tolerance with her. I’m leaning towards not breaking NC, but can also see how replying to this could possibly be beneficial. Can I get your opinions on what you think I should do? Thanks everyone. 🙂
Don’t break now. She’s reaching out because of her guilt of what she did. If you break, it makes it easier for her to move on.
I just wish she would send a text or come over to my house and tell me how she really feels. The prior text she sent last month seemed like a reconciliation text, however soon after that I had someone check and found she was still with the new bf then I had no desire to text her back. People are suggesting blocking her number. I wasn’t wanting to do that in case she came through eventually, but it’s looking like I may have to as my birthday is this weekend and I don’t want to be continually set back by these kind of texts.
It’s weird to me as I have a strong feeling she wants to be back together but she just doesn’t come out and say that. Instead she reaches out for any other possible reason. I also feel like she may just want me in her back pocket, as I was a very good boyfriend to her, and she’s not sure if she can do better or not.
Get this, I just got done talking to one of my friends and they said she had posted a bunch of pictures of my dog on FB saying RIP. I haven’t talked to this girl in 3 months and she supposedly has a bf. Wth is going on? Imagine if you were the new bf. What would you think if your gf posted a bunch of pictures of her ex’s dog on her wall 3 months after the break up, more importantly, no contact what so ever?
That girl is playing games and doesn’t care about if she hurts other’s feelings. She probably loves both of you or stays with him as a rebound. Stay in NC. As for the bf perspective, I would be insecure as hell cause she is waving red flags all the time. Won’t take long before that guy gets crazy about this or he just simply doesn’t care about her and is OK with it.
At this point I’m sure they’ve dropped ily on each other by now. I’m glad you said that about her not caring about others feelings. It refreshed my memory of all the shady things she did during our relationship.
If he is a rebound I think she wants me to open contact with her so we can reconcile. Apparently she refuses to up and say what she wants. She just wants to toy with me intentionally or not. The way she’s been acting post break up would make me concerned to be back with her anyways. I’m starting to get worried however as to how many times she’s reached out to me via text and me keeping silent. I know it’s probably the best for us, but it’s also risking the chance of reconciliation. A risk I’ll have to live with I suppose. I just don’t know what is acceptable from her to break NC at this point.
You have to decide what you want to do. After reading everything I’d say she only cares about herself. To me it sounds like she doesn’t care about who you are, she cares about what you can do for her, which is a lot apparently. Did she ever mention qualities of you she liked or characteristics? Or did she just plainly say she loves you cause you make her feel great? She’s looking for greener grass but wants to keep her old plot, you, in case she can’t find anything greener. She’s exploring with the new guy but refuses to let go of you. If you still love her and are sure she loves you too, this is my advice: cut it out that you love her and that you believe that you guys belong together (if she is the type for it) state that you can achieve so much together and will be forever together if she is up for it. You can be lovers and friends, not just friends. Tell her that you go NC until she made her decision and stick with it. If she decides you can’t be lovers, you have to decide if you want to cut her off and move on, or prolong this situation.
Hey, I appreciate you taking the time to read into my story Mr. A. 🙂 Hmmm well she used to tell me she liked my hygiene, sense of humor, and the things I do for her. I don’t mean to sound like an A hole here, but this is as good as I can put it. She has a ton of debt. Her family are all lying and cheating garbage. Her friends are all whores who can’t keep a relationship for 2 weeks before they find a new guy. I only tell you this as I think it plays a huge role in why she is the way she is.
She wants to keep me around because she never had to pay for a thing. I was always faithful to her. She would get free dinner almost every night and get expensive gifts from me. All she seemed to do when we weren’t spending time together was to go out with her slutty friends and meet other dudes. When she was with me, she would always tell me oh so much how she dearly cares about me.
I think she loves still. I also think she regrets leaving me. I rarely feel sad anymore. It’s mainly anger. There are points in time, like right now, where I can set my emotions aside and think from a third person perspective. I just don’t see it working out anymore. She has messed up too much and this stringing me along behavior, isn’t making my feelings any stronger for her.
I overheard my cousin and brother talking and pissed off about a Facebook status she made recently. It was something like “My boyfriend had to get up at 3am and go save lives tonight. I’m so proud to be dating a fireman”. Not sure when she posted this, but it sounded like it was around the time she was basically writing an obituary for my dog on her wall. She’s crazy and has no idea what she wants. After overhearing this the immediate thought of someone else in her bed, really turned me off. I believe it burned any bridge that led to a reconciliation. I’ll explain below.
When I heard them talking about this. At first, I had this awful butterfly feeling that made me weak, which lasted for about 15 minutes. This immediately turned into a rage for about 30 minutes. For the first time ever the words “I don’t want her back” came out of my mouth. Current I am in this indifferent mindset and it has lasted for about 4 hours now. As of right now I think my feelings for her are gone. This is obviously a good thing, because she doesn’t deserve me. I’ve slowly been coming to this conclusion, but it feels official this time.
I know the mood swings you go through. It sucks mate!
One thing is for sure and that’s that she’s not mature enough for a relationship with you and also for a relationship in general I guess. She switches in her attitude so easily, that she won’t be a stable partner for anyone at all at this point. Stick with NC. Maybe in a (few) year(s) she will realise what she has lost. (Except her living wallet! 😛 )The mood swings are getting a lot better for me. She’s just like most 20 yr old girls at this point. She really did portray she wanted a serious relationship with me. When her and I were together it seemed like that. Things seemed perfect. When she was away from me obviously not. The only thing that really still bugs me was the second text she had sent me about making the biggest mistake of her life letting me go. Plus all the events afterward, I just don’t know what to make of it all.
I really doubt she wants only friendship. If she were to tell me something like that I would know its just to keep me around in case the new relationship doesn’t work out. I don’t deserve to be a plan B. She really wasn’t a money grubber, but I always insisted on paying for her things when she needed them. It’s also hard for me to accept she really likes this new guy if she goes far out of her way to try and keep strings attached with me.
She definitely isn’t ready for a healthy relationship. I think she partially knows what she is losing which is why she wants to try and keep contact with me, but she won’t fully realize it until she’s done with this guy or a couple more guys. It absolutely sucks having feelings for someone like that.
I suppose the best option would be to stay NC indefinitely until she comes back to me saying she wants to get back together right? At that time I can make my decision if I want her back.
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