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My girlfriend of 2 years and I broke up a little more than a month ago. I went through the whole clingy stage for a week, until she entered a rebound relationship. I found this site, gave NC a chance, and now I’m a better person mentally, physically, and emotionally. I do still want her back though. I could survive without her, but having her would really be nice. I’ve fixed all the problems I had.
We ended NC a week ago. It was a text from her, to which I responded 2 days later. Texting has been great. She told me night after night how much she missed us. She would tell me that she enjoyed us and we connected so well. She sent me pictures of things that reminded her of me.
It even got to the point where she straight up told me “nobody else is perfect for me as you were. Not even [the other guy].” She listed all the things wrong with him, and all the things right with me. She said they probably wont even last.That felt amazing.
I thought, that’s great! I asked her to meet up a few days ago but she declined. In her words, “I would ask for a hug, a kiss, to hold hands, and that’s not right. Its not fair to [the other guy]. We can’t. Not while I miss you.”So… she likes me obviously and knows we were great. But she still has this guy. He ended up getting freaked out by the fact that we were talking again and they had a little fight. She told me she can’t just cut him out. They work together, see each other a lot, and she “can’t hurt someone else”.
Where on earth do I go from here? We haven’t talked since 2 days ago.
Do I
a) keep texting her all happy and upbeat so she is flooded with good memories and leaves him
b) stop texting her again so she misses me and eventually reaches out
Obviously B may be the better choice… but I’m SO afraid she’ll forget about me and we wont contact again. They see each other so often. Please help.
hey,
i agree that B is a better choice.and i’m sure she still has feelings for you and the other guy is a rebound.keep your cool and be positive all the times.and she can’t forget you so easily,its almost impossible.don’t worry about anything be cool and confident,never show obsession over anything about her and never say anything bad about that guy.Hi bguarino – thanks for asking!
It’s been exactly 2 months since I posted this, so a lot has changed.
First off, She’s still with him, but from what I hear they’re not doing so well.
Me, on the other hand, I’m feeling great. I’m at the point where if she wants me, I’m here with open arms. If she doesn’t, then whatever makes her happy. Time really helped out and I’m in a much better headspace.——–
But I’ll go into more detail.
Since then we’ve gone through NC 3 times. Each time was because she felt guilty for talking to me because her current BF doesn’t know. Each one of those times, she broke and called me.
Remember that cheesy scene of The Notebook where he asks her, “What do you want” and she says it’s not so simple? Yeah that’s us right now.
I asked her where she sees herself during Christmas time, she said she doesn’t know. I asked her where she WANTS to be during Christmas time, and after a long while she replied “with you’re family.” But she can’t just run back to me because she “is done hurting people”
Basically this new guy isn’t fulfilling her, and she admits that when we don’t talk she misses me to much and has to call me. I told her what I told you – I’ll be here if she needs me, and if not then that’s okay. OBVIOUSLY I prefer her with me. But I can’t force anything.
Overall I’m happy with my situation. Just seeing how things work out. She broke NC again 2 days ago and weve been talking every night so we’ll see where it goes.
I think you need to tell her this..
“you say youre done hurting people but by not making any decisions, noone is happy.”
Because the fact is, shes not happy with her rebound, her rebound isnt happy because shes talking to you, and youre not happy because youre waiting to see what she does.
this situation isnt fair to anyone.
@NeverGiveUp I agree completely. I haven’t said those words directly, but we generally circled around the idea that nobody’s getting what they want out of this situation.
She says she’ll be happy if everyone else is happy, but I try and tell her over and over again that hurting people is part of the process and it really sucks but unfortunately, that’s how it is. I told her that if its me she decides to hurt, then whatever, because i’ve done this before and I could do it again. But she says she doesn’t want to do that to me.
Part of me wants to just give her time to really decide what it is she wants. Because she is really lost right now and this is really eating her up.
I feel like someone could make a movie out of this sometimes. Ha
Do you want a girl who texts her ex behind her current boyfriend’s back ?
Let’s just say the two of you get together again… How can you ever truly feel secure in that relationship ? How would you know she isn’t texting or talking to this same guy behind your back ?
Zamron2 I’ve definitely thought about this for a while. I guess its hard to explain. I do feel afraid of that and I’d probably be paranoid starting off:/
I guess my only justification is that her and I had 2 years together, while she just went to him because she was lonely after me.
I even brought it up with her, asking if she’d text him or feel desperate for him if we got back together. Her answer was it would be a whole lot easier not to because they have only been dating 2 months, and they don’t have the same connection her and I did.I guess you never know, though. This is something I’m afraid of. But hopefully we’ll see.
——–
Aside from that, we talked again last night. She’s just still in that mental state of “I don’t know what I want”. I’ll probably just end up giving her space and not pressuring her. But its driving her insane because our anniversary is coming up.
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