Post-breakup doubts and concerns about a 5 year relationship… Any help? :(

I’ll try my best to be brief! 😛

My BF and I broke up about a month ago. It was over the phone and we had been fighting since late October. We started arguing because of politics (there was a debate on TV and he started texting me about it). Actually, he was the one to start it because I tend to avoid heavy discussions (politics, religion, etc.) in order to avoid conflicts. I don’t bother to know his opinion however he does bother to know mine. So he started pushing me to talk about and it ended up in a fight because we have different opinions.
We couldn’t get the mood right for the next couple months… it really ruined us. He even told me to f*** off at some point — that was a new low and completely absurd. I had never seen him that angry and mad. It’s ironic because in the morning prior to the fight he sent me a “Good morning beautiful” message and a month before he was talking about marrying me. I don’t get it. He’s was arguing with friends as well over Facebook about politics, he’s been really stressed after he decided to quit an awesome job because he couldn’t take the stress anymore. I think the stress was accumulating maybe? Anyways, we had a few dates planned (music concerts and stuff) and in those days he really seemed nice but on the other days, if I wanted to meet him, I had to call/text him. Otherwise, he would barely talk to me. Then, on November, my birthday came and he said he was coming over my house to see me and give me my gift. I said “You shouldn’t bother” and he replied “C’mon, I know we haven’t been in our best phase but I love you”. It seemed like things were getting better. Just seemed. I was just trying to move on and get over our fight, but he seemed hot and cold all the time. When December came, there was this friend’s party and he asked me to go with him… We laughed, had fun, totally normal. The following week, I asked him out to dinner and on the way back to my house he said “I don’t want to have a fight here but… Are you feeling something strange between us? Like something is bothering you?” It bothered me that he wasn’t as present as he used to be before that fight. But I just agreed with “Yeah, something’s weird.” We couldn’t finish the conversation that day so we were suppose to meet again and talk properly. Eventually, we ended up talking over the phone, which led to lots of misinterpretations and accusations… it really turned into a huge fight. And then, he said he couldn’t take me anymore and that he no longer believed in our relationship. So I hung up and an hour later he texted me something like “Sorry for all the pain I caused you. I wish you well. My love and endearment for you will be kept forever.”
Then I cried in bed, lost 10 pounds (that was a plus!) and didn’t talk to him anymore.

After that (about a week later), it was Christmas so I sent him a polite “Merry Christmas to you and your family.” He replied couple minutes later, with something similar to what I wrote. After that, he didn’t send anything and neither did I. On January 1st he texted me saying “Happy New year! I wish you lots of happiness! Send my best to your parents, your aunt Lily and your grandparents!”. I replied politely with something like “You too! Send my best to your folks, I really like them.”

It was all under control until 2 days before his birthday (which was last week) when I texted him in a moment of sadness that I missed him (damn you instincts!). He said that we were better off that way and that we could never know what the future holds. I got a bit angry with his response and I tried to talk to him saying that all we ever did was fight, we didn’t talk properly and then after a few heated up messages (I was a bit angry) he said “Look, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to talk right now. All I want to do is to shut myself off. Give me a break.”
And so I did. That’s where NC started and it’s been 11 days now. I didn’t even wish him a happy birthday.

I’m getting by and most of the time I truly feel fine. This NC has helped me a lot! I just… I just don’t get it. Why would he throw everything away and fight over politics??? We are all entitled to our own opinions as far as I know…

He has been through a lot of stress in the past few months (he quit his job to start a new career but he hasn’t make any money since — it obviously takes a while before it starts working out). Could he be taking all his stress on me?

I am very good friends with his two (and only) best friends. They were surprisingly on my side when I told them the whole story. They said they have been through the same with my boyfriend because he is very critical and intolerant sometimes and doesn’t realise he may hurt people with his actions and words. And then people feel like they cannot open up about it because he tends to get really defensive.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I just really wanted to understand. I’m doing this NC for myself rather than for him because he is unbelievably full of pride and he might not even contact me anymore. So I just need to feel OK with myself now and I really am OK.

I think I am not as obsessed as before. I unfollowed him on Facebook, I don’t check if he’s online and I don’t ask friends in common what he has been up to. I also haven’t cried. But I do believe in us together… Five years is a lot and although we don’t agree when it comes to politics or a few other matters we do have a LOT in common! He was talking about getting married in a minute and then telling me to f*** off in the other. WTF?

Also, I know he hasn’t spoken about our breakup to anyone. His mother texted me asking why I wasn’t there for Christmas/New Year’s and she also said that when she asked my BF what happened, he ignored her.

He really tends to shut himself off from the world. I just really don’t know what to do and I hardly believe he’s coming back. How could he hate me and forget about me like that? Especially when he was talking about marrying me?

:/