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So after a five year relationship, been apart since early Sept, no real contact apart from the odd msg about some money he owes me…
I ran into a family member of his and found one of his relatives had passed away, I really felt for him as I know he would be devastated. I sent his parents a sympathy card as I love them and wanted to reach out to let them know I care (as I still speak with them when I see them.) I also sent him a text the night before the funeral as I had been out had an awesome night and just felt really happy, I wanted him to feel a bit better too. He replied and ended it with a kiss (crazy ex brain screaming ‘He totally loves you!!!’) So I didn’t read into it, kept up NC.
He just sent me war and peace, wanting to meet up for a chat. In a ‘neutral place if needs be’ with no ‘shouting, arguing or anger’ (that would be on his part then… Well maybe not the anger lol)
I don’t know how to reply?? What if he just wants to tell me to leave him the hell alone? Or to try and bring me off my happy little self mode? I’m scared I’ll start to feel the way I did (I have been taking anti-depressants for two months now… I think there starting to work)
Please someone help me figure my stuff out?
If he wanted you to leave him alone, he wouldnt have contacted you.
He wants there to be civility. He mentioned things that probably happened during the relationship. This could mean he wants to talk things out and be friends. Or this is the first step to see what common ground there is for reconciliation.
Be happy, beautiful, and positive. Good luck 🙂
Thank you Labound. Your a bit of a badass with advice 🙂
Your right, why would he contact me for a meeting in person just to be rotten. He did get mad frequently and shout a lot in the relationship. I’m still trying to figure out if I could put myself through all this again? The last three months of our relationship was really not right, for either one of us.
Your advice and words have helped me immensely, I’m gonna start calling you Yoda haha.
I’m going on a little break to another country in a couple of days (Booked it in a fit of desperation to make a positive change!), I have told him I need to think about it and that I am really busy for the next week.
I am pretty sure I will go see him, but somewhere I can get out easily.I have worked really hard to be happy, I’ve done it by being positive about myself I can work on the beautiful on the day, right now I’m off to live in my Pj’s for a few days and get my packing sorted haha. Thanks again 🙂
@Anna
If you’re looking for a place to see him, but somewhere you can get out easily, then may I suggest. You’d need a good restaurants, that is:
1. Quiet enough for you two can talking softly, or talking romantic.
2. Crowded enough for you two behave good in a public environment.
3. Restaurants is a place where’s any one can come and get away easily (as long as you’d paid the bill).
4. You’d need to come by your own transport and going out by your own transport, so if you’d wanted to go, just polite say you’re busy some things. That’s it.
Good luck for your happiness.Thank you for your suggestion John, it’s a good plan.
I’m going to suggest a cute little cake shop, it’s big enough to talk without feeling strangers ears and small enough to behave. I was thinking about asking if he would like a lift but I have reconsidered thanks for that :).
I just need to figure out what it is that I’m going to say to him. We both have things to prove to each other and ourselves, there is no way I would be rushing into anything, even with him. I’m going to be very open and honest with him, I’m not even the same person I was when we were together. I’m glad the breakup happened in terms of the strong, independent and fun person I have grown into over these few short months.
I never want to feel the way I did when things ended, I was so down to the point where it actually scared me. All my nearest and dearest were and are still really concerned about me. We would need to be friends to see if that is even possible, for quite a long time. I hope I’m not setting my self up for a fall.
We have only been apart four months even though I have felt like I was going to break, it’s nothing really considering we shared five years. It’s been really difficult and at times unbearable, but everyone reading this, it honestly gets better. The emotional and physical pain your going through, really will get better, in time.
I’m going to keep everyone updated on how things pan out.
Hey all,
Just a quick update and possibly questions.
I have been away (had a wonderful time, didn’t think of him too much tbh) I came home and a guy (not my ex) I know has asked me to go out with him. I have explained previously to him we can only be friends as I am still cut up over my ex. Anyways so I said yes, but just as friends, he told me that is fine and he is happy to just be in my company and to invite more people if this would make me comfortable. I did, more of our friends are coming now.
Literally minutes after my ex is sending me multiple msgs, asking when we will meet. I simply replied (like the Fonz) I am really busy and a major life event is happening soon, I don’t want to jeopardize this by seeing you. I am going to meet you just after this important stuff has passed.
He then spills that he now knows what he wants in his life. And he is going to pull it together to have what he wants.
I have told him to just give me some space and we will meet and talk when everything settles down in my life and I can make myself temporarily vulnerable to feeling like crap again.
He then asks me if I’m seeing someone and how hurt he would be if I am. Am I doing the right thing telling him I’m not? I feel like I’m lying to him! He is also bringing up the past and I feel like I should tell him in person I want to leave the past behind me and concentrate on the here and now.
In just a few short hours I feel really low and down about myself again, no one else makes me feel this way. But I do still really love him, even after all this time.
I really don’t want to screw this up, but I don’t want to be a doormat…
It’s okay to tell him that there is someone interested in you, but you are still just considering it. You and this other guy aren’t serious, and your ex is your ex. If you think this info will bother your ex or make him angry, then simply avoid the talk.
It sounds like you are creating opportunities for him to chase you. That’s good, but be careful. If he chases too long, it can backfire.
If he can still affect you, give it more time. But from what youve stated he said… the time might be right to try and reconcile. He said it would hurt him if you had someone. He wants to get things together and he knows what he wants.
Sounds like he is leaning toward you. What do you think about all of that?
Hey Yoda lol.
I think you really good at advice, you should work with people for a living Labound.
He still makes me feel sad and kinda angry. He just knows what to say to push me but I haven’t been reacting as I would have before.
I’m going to meet with him and suggest being friends, for a long time before we can get back together. He will defiantly ask me not to start seeing anyone until we do get back together. Which I don’t feel like I would but I don’t want to tell him I’ll wait as I have no idea what is going to happen in the future. I need him to prove to me that things will be different, I’ve grown as a person since our breakup and I don’t even feel like the same person anymore if I’m honest.
I’m not going to push it and make him wait for weeks before I see him, it’s mean, I know how he feels right now. I just don’t want to see him and we both end up getting mad with one another. I’m just going to have to be open and honest, without getting stressed out.
So I’m going to be strong, beautiful, positive and fun. Thanks as always you helped. Your ex is nuts your going to make someone very happy one day.
My ex hit a crisis. And is a confused mess of a baby. Lol
You are welcome.
Have you considered relationship counseling?
Oh dear, well she’ll be like that because she’s realizing mistakes made.
That’s a good suggestion. I have considered it, before we broke up. I may suggest it in the future depending on how we are together as friends. I am really hoping he pulls it together this time and proves he is trying. Just seeing that he is really trying to better himself would be really great, I love him but I’m not going to let it cloud my instinct this time.
I’m going to meet him this Saturday. I’ve decided not to wait, feels like I’m stringing it out a bit and it’s not nice for him.
@Anna I’m really excited for you, and looking forward to hearing the developments of this!
I’ve got a question for you. My ex broke up in September too, but I’m still a complete and utter mess really! How did you manage to renew yourself and get to this point? I’d love to hear!
Hey Aphrodite, I’m sorry to hear you feel this way.
All I can say is that I just faked it until I made it really. The first two months were horrid, I didn’t really tell anyone how I felt and just got really down. I found this site and followed the plan, I did contact him once or twice in the last four months but this last time he contacted me I knew, I knew all day he would because I know him. It’s weird how you get like a sixth sense. I knew he would want me back but I didn’t think he would change his mind on his decision to end it. I still feel upset but never hopeless anymore. It just takes time.
The only advice I can offer is to open up to your nearest and dearest, their really worried about you and just talking to them honestly can really help you to know how you feel yourself. Get out, be around people who make you feel good about yourself and make you laugh. Try to concentrate on having a positive outlook about yourself and others.
What sort of thing have you been doing to take your mind off things?
Thank you !! 🙂
I believe in that sixth sense too, although sometimes I worry my gut feelings are more protection mechanisms than intuition. However I’ve decided I’m gonna believe the gut feeling that he will be back because it motivates me more than the opposite.
I’ve been learning languages, and I try to work on that every time I’m obsessing a bit too much over him. I’ve also read tons of self-help books and other books about relationships and break ups. I’ve journaled my feelings, and I talk to those close to me about it. I even see a therapist, and do emotional freedom technique on YouTube. I go out every weekend with friends, but despite all of this I still feel like I’m dead inside and that my “life is over” and the thought of not being with him in the future makes me feel like I cannot breathe.
I think doing exercise would help me though, perhaps that’s a missing link. What do you think?Hey,
I think your doing the right things and they all sound really positive in a growth way, learning languages, that’s pretty cool lady!. Exercise is really good, it releases endorphins (little happy chemicals) in your brain.
In the beginning, first few weeks of the breakup I went to the gym every night. I felt better when I was there, when I had left and there’s plenty of eye candy if you go at the right time hehe.
How long were you with your ex? Have you revisited your journal to see if you look at things in a differing light now?
@Anna – thank you! I try….
Yep I really think exercise could be a missing link, because *blushes* I have been extremely inactive and spent lots of time in bed moping.
We were together for 10 years. I still have the same feelings that I had in my journal. Most of it is me being angry at him for how he treated me right before the break up and shortly after. Disbelief and shock that he could do the things he did to me. However with time I’ve understood his side a little bit more, and I’ve understood that he’s been afraid to communicate with me properly. He misjudged a lot of stuff and genuinely believed I wanted him out when he left me (because I helped him pack – lol). He doesn’t see things very logically and the last time we spoke he had thought it was for me to tell him that I’m getting married or pregnant! AS IF haha. I don’t know how he thinks these things of me after so many years
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