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My ex girl and I were together for almost 7 years. But the last few months she became very distant. To cut it short she broke it off and told me that she was growing cold and would not show any affection because she does not love me anymore. A week after the breakup I asked her to tell me honestly why she does not love me anymore. She it was because we fight a lot even over small things, and that pushed her further away from me.
I am planning to do no contact. But is it still worth it? I mean she told me she does not love me. I tried to just be cool about our breakup and just fondly reminded her of happy things we did before but she just told me to stop it because she really does not love me anymore.She would just shrug all of it off and would tell me to talk in a “non- boyfriend”- ish kind of way. When I pretended to be just cool she even asked me– “Friends? :)” I broke down inside. But I want you guys to tell the signs because I might be just misinterpreting it.
What I want to know is that. Why is she telling for me to be happy for her and for me to move on just in case she finds someone new? She told me there is not anyone. And I believe her because you know, in 7 years you might even know a person’s toenail length. lol. Is she trying to figure out whether I’d go crazy over those things.
Here was a part of our conversation: (still trying to act cool though it really kills me) Just a week after our breakup.Her: What if I’d become an item with someone else would you support me?
Me: Uhhmm. I don’t know. Of course I would not be able to answer that directly because I love you so much. But if that’s what you want, there’s nothing else I could do.
Her: WOW!! That’s the first time for me to hear that from you. Because before you would overreact at things like this.Then the conversation went on I don’t know why she was randomly inserting the phrases for me “to be happy for her if she falls for someone else” when right now there is nobody. Is she trying to make me jealous over someone whom we both have not met yet? Or is she playing mind games to make sure if I’m still hers even after the break up? But she also told me that she’d be happy if I fall for someone else. I can’t really tell the signs. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME. If you want to know more so you can put the pieces more clearly. Please ask. I would not hesitate to answer. PLease. I’m still so inlove with this girl.
I’d try no contact for around 30-45 days. A 7 year relationship is not something you get over quickly in my book, no matter how strained the relationship was near the end. Just give her time and space to dwell on her next step, there’s a chance that she’ll eventually remove the negative connotations from your relationship over time and will start to miss the good times you had together.
During NC it’s important that you try and think about making yourself feel better about yourself. Give yourself a makeover and begin a new outlook on life as a new person, see where it takes you 🙂
Thanks for the insight and advises Sodium C. I really hope this would work out fine. What’s puzzling me now is that when I finally admitted that I was jealous with this doctor she was working with is that she’s actually rubbing it on my face already, when just before she honestly told me there’s nothing behind it. Is she just making me jealous? Or does she really have feelings for this person and is just trying to check if I’d approve now that we’re not together. I don’t know their real status because they are 10 years apart and of different nationality.
I personally had a mini run-in with my ex two weeks ago when she tried to “rub my face in” with a date she had with another guy. She did via a couple of tweets on Twitter, which included a photo of the two of them. She since admitted that she was probably just being a bit of a “bitch” about it (her words, not mine). She since apologised and deleted the tweets.
It’s not really uncommon behavior for ex’es to do this, as far as I can tell. I’d try not to read too much into it personally, if anything it shows that she still cares enough to even bother rubbing your face in anything in the first place!
Okay. So I think that’s normal. But how would you know she would still reminisce about anything we’ve had before when right now she’s already telling me to move on and if I find someone else she’d be happy for me. It’s like she already closed her doors, and it feels to me like no matter how long I would do my NC, it’s hopeless.
Another problem is, we are workmates. In the middle east. And we live under the same roof, probably because we pretty much have no choice. No way for one of us to move out or even shift to another room. Same room. Same bunkbed. I’d fear that NC would go to waste if she keeps on seeing me she’ll get bored.
I’m sorry if I ask a lot of things. But I really want to have her back in my life.
My own ex said similar things – “you should move on” and “find somebody else who’s good for you”. It can be taken a couple of ways I guess, though I suppose the most positive way of looking at it is that she’s perhaps attempting to cover up her own sadness whilst trying to urge you to forget about her in order to speed up the healing process. I like to think that girls will try and avoid giving you “false hope” if they’re still not 100% sure on what they want. Because the future is still pretty much a mystery, she may find that 6 months down the line she’s thinking differently on one way or the other.
It would actually be interesting to get a woman’s perspective on this particular issue, @Maria?
And by the way. Does NC work that fast? Maybe because this is my first time to act this way towards her. Before I used to beg her day and night for almost a year. But from this recent break- up, I tried to ask her for a chance. But only on that night of the break- up itself.
I would not text unless it’s something about our work. What’s fishy (correct me about anything that I’m about to say if I’m just getting wrong signals) is that when she knew that I went out yesterday she told me “I left my nephews at a playplace so I could take a walk around the mall.” Before I was the one doing this thinking that if I tell her I went out she would meet up with me. I just politely told her to take good care. Then after 6 hours she texted again telling me that her freinds’ comment on my photo on facebook was funny, but what pissed me off is that I THINK she found it funny because it was the comment of the doctor whom she was trying to rub in my face that was just relayed by our friend. Rage was screaming all over my body but I held it back because who knows what she really was thinking over that one. I just told her “Okay, I’ll check on it when I get home.”
I really need your interpretation on this one.
So when she knew that I would not be able to check the comments yet she knew that I was still outside. She asked me “Do you want to meet up tomorrow let’s go to the bank and get our salaries together then maybe you can also give me my jeans that is still with you?” I said I’m not sure because I might be busy tomorrow. She asked me if I’m still out. I said yes. And right away she answered “Are you at the mall? Let me join you. I feel like going out again. haha.” It’s almost 8 in the evening, the mall’s closing time is 9pm why would she like to go out again during those times when she does not even have her own car.
Maybe this is a good sign but I’m thinking that she’s insisting that she want to meet up with me to show that she’s over me, having a good time more than ever, and that she’s sort of gushing over that doctor (I swear I want to punch that dude right in the face because I know him, he’s my ex’s doctor, he would let her do all the work and then blame her for any minor slip- ups) But I think she’s thinking that crushing on him might not be a bad thing because some of the staff find him good- looking. He’s lebanese. So he does not know English that much. But I swear before I admitted ‘squarely that I was jealous she would get mad right away and told me that it’s just work and even told me to follow her around if I don’t believe her. I don’t know.
I’m sorry this is long. But I really hope you guys could help me.
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