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Posts
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Hey Everyone,
After screwing up no contact several times I have finally concluded what I must do.
Having been dating my ex for the past 4 years…I have changed into something she expects. Hence to be me, I feel I need someone like her; I realized this whilst still dating her, that I have lost my identity and who I was. This could also be from maturing as we started going out since we were 18 (first year of uni).
One thing I did consistently is that I try to make a small change in my appearance/personality once every year. This year I started growing a beard (18th day now and its looking good :P). Anyway my point is that I am going to attempt a full change completely to try and be a whole new person; someone my ex will never recognize. Heck even if she hates it, its none of her business anymore.
Going to try and break all my barrier and its time for me to move on.
NC day – 1 (Round 4).
Lets try and post something we did differently everyday here as well.
@Nell Good for you! I’m proud of you. 🙂 I’ll have to look up the song you’re talking about haha. 😛
@Carmine828 Sounds like your ex has a lot of growing up to do yet. But good job with removing yourself from the situation before it got heated!I think the reason Kevin said not to block exes is to show that we are mature and can handle things. I’m not sure I can give advice as far as what you should do now since you had blocked him already. I have not blocked my ex or removed her, but I did stop following her on my newsfeed. She hasn’t really posted anything since I got back on fb (had deactivated it for a bit), but I’ve been made aware that her roomies and new friends are tagging her in posts. All things I don’t need to see and don’t really care about. I know she’s hurting despite trying to act like she’s not.
@Martin I think that happens from time to time, losing identity in a relationship, and it’s probably quite common. We don’t really begin to solidify who we are as individuals until we’re 25-30, though some take longer than that! I think it’s great you’re switching up you look and working to improve yourself, and it’s ultimately a change for your benefit.I think it’s a fantastic idea to post something we’ve done differently each day. I had started something similar under the Not You Ex board, but it was more of a time to time update.
So here we go for today:
Today I went out with an open mind to a place I’ve never been before to do something I’ve been hesitant to do. Normally I would be fighting with myself about it, trying to rationalize if it’s a good idea or not. But not today! I’m proud of myself for that. Beyond that I don’t have much else to report as the day is not half way done yet. I am eating the remainder of the salad my friend bought me last night and it’s tasty! Haha
@Martin
Good for you! You’re at such a young age that I gaurantee in a year or so you’ll realize your ex just wasn’t what you wanted. You’re both young and need to date around before truly knowing what you want.As for me, I’m feeling pretty foolish to have broke NC and only receiving one reply even though I was being casual and friendly.
We all slip sometimes. But it’s the getting back up and continuing on our way that sets us apart. Stay strong man. 🙂
“Success is falling nine times and getting up ten.”
Don’t give up.
Everyone,
I guess most of us here on day 1 then right?
Thanks guys for your feedback. I am NC until Saturday, and wont respond any texts unless its gig related. On Saturday Ill see how he does. If he does not aproach me I will go full NC, and will continue making my mind on letting go.
As for the new thung, Today I made codfish salad and “viandas” I dont know how to translate that in English,but those are diferent tuberous plants, like potatoes,very popular in my country. I treated myself to a new hair color and a mud face mask. Later ill go to the shopping center to get new shows for the gig. I want to be fabulous, and then I will have him believe I will stay at a fancy hotel after the gig. I usually drive back home the gig is like 2 hour drive from home. He will roast in his own firepit of jealousy!
I am feeling pretty depressed right now…I just miss her so much, and I can’t stop but imagining her and whatever she may be doing with her new guy…and it’s driving me insane…
I still love her like before…and I know it’s all gone, 99.9% chance of it…and I just want to stop imagining these things and be better. but how?@archola We’ve all been there and I feel for you. The only thing you can do is keep pushing on, focus on your life, and let time heal the wounds. It doesn’t feel like it now, but eventually, you’ll get to that point.
I read a quote the other day that said, “Relationships are like glass. When they’re broken, sometimes it’s better to leave them that way, instead of hurting yourself trying to put them back together.” I think this holds true for many. It was something I needed to hear, and maybe it will help someone else.
As far as something new: Today I started reading 50 Shades. I never thought I would in a million years, and used to make fun of it. I’m actually really enjoying…parts, lol.
@Nell yeah, there are days that I feel better but there are some that I just want her to come talk to me and to say something or that I find out that they broke up or something. Life is a bitch, I guess :p
It has been five days since I started NC over but I find myself being tempted to text her this weekend or sometime next week, saying something like “Hey I’ve had some time to think and heal and I think that we should get together for lunch sometime and catch up.”
It’s stupid hard and this is the first time I’ve ever thought I should try to get back with an exgirlfriend.
Ooooh boy. So I’ve been drinking a bit tonight… and managed to reconnect with my first ex. We were both teenagers when we found one another and it was long distance relationship that didn’t work out at that time. Well, seems we’re both shamelessly flirting with one another and texting, talking about meeting up this summer. I don’t even care about my recent ex. Hah!
@The Phoenix:
Yeah,great for you! I know how that feels when an ex kind of bumps with you and makes you feel great about yourself. I had such an encounter last year right when the first crisis that eventually led to the break up arose. I felt my self esteem sinking. Then I bumped into my first crush. Its so weird because we are from the same town,and we never saw each other again for 30 years until we met in a totally different city,and he evn works in the same area as me ! I was 12 he was 17 (yeah i have always liked older guys except for my ex who is actually younger than me) we dated on the beach afterwards. We only talked and shared some beers,and he told me that he always liked me very much. I spent 30 years thinking he hanged with me and kissed me just because I was stupid and he took advantage. But then he insisted we continued seeing each other,I could not because I was with my now ex. Anyway,we remained friends and for the pics in his FB he is kind of socialite, something I dont really like to much. I mean I could spent new years eve in Joss Van DyKe sipping champagne on a yacht like he does often,but I already dated a Doctor with 4 houses and 5 cars and I got tired of the plastic world. Everyone trying too hard.
The thing is that is a super ego booster. Take advantage of that great feeling and jump out of the sinkhole!
That’s really interesting @Carmine828 and it definitely is an ego booster. She still knew how to push my buttons in terms of saying sweet things and calling me by an old nick name. She confessed a few things to me and told me she wanted to play her ukelele and sing to me on the beach. I recall saying I’d wager we’ll both regret things in the morning, but she insisted she would not in the least bit and felt horrible for being a jerk in the past. So looks like I’ll be taking a trip to Canada this summer to meet up with her. I know we were just teenagers at the time and there was no way we’d me able to meet up, but that was 7 or 8 years ago and now we can travel without restriction. And should something come from it in time, I have the availability with my job to move wherever I please. I had always wanted to live in Canada for awhile, so this might be my chance down the line, if not at the very least travel and visit.
In my drunken stupor I find myself thinking I may regret it in the morning in terms of my recent ex. She had all but barred me from talking to my old ex when we were dating as she was very jealous and insecure. I have no intention of hurting her, but I’m sure it will sting if she finds out. But at the same time I know she already made her decision and “has no hope for us” in the future as she puts it. So not like it matters I guess.
I’m gonna finish up my water and pass out, and probably have a wicked hangover in the morning. I wish you all the best until I’m conscious again haha.
Well, I messed up. I thought getting a bottle of wine today would be a great idea. Wrong. My ex had messaged me and as usual said a bunch of things to push my buttons, told lies, was trying heavily to manipulate, etc. I couldn’t help myself in my condition and sent back a message calling him out on his bs. When I sobered up later I realized what I had done and sent an apology, which I shouldn’t have sent either.
Apology email didn’t matter, and of course prompted a nasty message back from him. He said that I was lashing out and venting, he back peddled, told more lies, tried to play the victim, more manipulative crap. I’m not going to take the bait and fight with him, I’m not apologizing again and I’m not going to try to explain myself to him either and validate anything he’s said. The endless lies, blaming, and immaturity on his part is exhausting and I’m done. It was stupid of me to think that we would be able to have an adult conversation. I should have never broken NC. NC indefinitely starts now!
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