No Contact Annoymous – Share your struggles with keeping NC

@Nell It’s funny. After talking with a friend more in depth, he said it sounded like the break up wasn’t about me at all… it was about her and her being insecure (which is very evident). She was the one to get lost in the relationship and lose her identity. She needs to feel like she’s someone, but how can one do that when they don’t know who they are and are not willing to work on themselves? It’s a catch 22.

When he mentioned it to me, a light went off in my head. I can recall her saying before the breakup last time she felt lost and felt like she was just “ThePhoenix’s girlfriend” and not <ex’s name>. Did anyone call her that like we were a package deal or she was my possession? No. This is all stuff she concocted in her own mind.

@confusedbutok

I think a reason why she decided to break up was so she’d have the power in her mind. No one has broken up with her before, she’s always been the one to do the breaking up. I could tell she wasn’t quite herself and seemed unhappy the week before the breakup. When I mentioned the notion of maybe we should just break up, she lost her shit and insisted on working things out. Look how that went. When she’s the one doing it? Hah.

Really starting to see just how much of a regular decorated emergency she is.

@ThePhoenix That would make a lot of sense. If she was feeling like that I could see why she would think she needed to break away, but it’s sad that she would rather handle it that way instead of working on herself. The power thing makes sense too. I think that’s pretty common in a lot of relationships.

I think in some ways insecurity is what prompted my breakup on both of our parts. I don’t think it was the only cause though. Something weird that happened before my ex went out of country is that he told me he thought I was too good for him, too pretty, much smarter, out of his league. He said he was afraid I was going to leave him. He ended up being the one to leave me, oh, the irony.

@confusedbutok I think with your ex being stubborn it will make it harder, but I still think there’s a chance she will reach out. I’m pretty stubborn myself, and I know that we can’t always keep it up forever, it’s exhausting.

Breaking NC!? Naughty, naughty. 😉

She replied to my initial text, asked a question. I replied to it and asked another pertaining to how much snow they got where she is, and she didn’t reply…

Yeah I mean it was a simple basic question. Funny that she didn’t respond. Not sure if that means she’s over any communication with me.

@confusedbutok I get that. My ex is no different. She’ll respond quickly to others and I know this as tonight was an example of it, but can’t be bothered to acknowledge a simple message from me in regard to getting her things for her. Strange, strange one.

@archola It’s weird how exes seem to go for not so great things after they break up with us, eh? I don’t understand the logic behind it really, other than they want the complete opposite of who they were with… but rarely does that ever work in their favor (in many different ways honestly). Insecurities will just spiral more out of control unless they take the time to look at them in a new light and deal with them. It’s honestly a shame.

I think it’s the cumulative effect of going for what’s available if attention is being shown as well as being insecure. I would say my ex is easily an 8/10, not that she’d believe me, and this other girl is a 3/10, if I’m being generous. (I’m not trying to be nasty about her but the best relation to looks I could give is if someone left a treasure troll to bake in a car in the desert for a week. She could easily bump herself up a bit if she gave the serial killer gaze a break, smiled more, and gave the 6 inch 80’s hair a rest. :\)

If there has not been a lot of chasing and the like from the dumpee, I would think the dumper would start to feel pretty uneasy and less than. I’m sure if I dumped someone with a cocky attitude thinking I was better off, thinking I’d be chased only to see it’s not the case that I would take a major hit to my ego… but I’ve never dumped anyone before lol. I doubt that my ex believes at this point that she deserves an upgrade. She also has been hellbent on punishing herself for stupid things in the past, so it could be punishment for herself in terms of “I don’t deserve someone good.” For insecurity: if she was insecure about a stupid little dream girl, then one only knows how her self-esteem must really be right now.

@Nell It’s quite the adventure and you’ll get there soon! I think we’ve both got the same idea as far as making them see what they’re missing out on haha. I would wait in regard to replying. Go for the 24 hour deal, see if it’s still important enough for you to reply to in 24 hours or not… especially if it’s something that’s not that important.

Yesterday he texted me asking if i would take someone to the concert,as each musician has a guest ticket. I replied i was not sure.immediately he got all inquisitive. I played him for a while,replying why he wanted to know, he told me a fellow musician needed a ticket for his other kid. I told him he could have my ticket. He continued pressing to know who I intended to take. I replied kind of joking I was not his firlfriend anymore and i dont have to give any details. He got mad as hell. He then called later to say something about a gig he was trying to get for the band,and asked about the mystery guest I had. I told him that I it was my daughter who may go. He told me why I did not say in the first place and got him mad. I told him that why was he mad,we are not together. He told me that he still has feelings for me although he is still very hurt. We continued talking until the break up make up topic came up. I can tell he is still in a one track mind, repeating over and over that I dumped him several times,that its my fault,etc. Hr told me that he does not know what the hell to do with his life. I did some marketing of my own on how things could be different if we give this a chance. He is still in the Lets see phase,he said he feels like a beaten dog, afraid to come back for more beatings. (He is very melodramatic) I told him I understood perfectly his feelings, because years ago he did some real bad stuff and I forgave him and yet he did another worse,and I knew what to lose faith in the other was. But that I turned things around,trusted him and since he changed his ways sincerely we continued together. I was asking him the same. I ended the conversation before it got heated.

Kevin sent an email saying that it is a bad idea blocking yoir ex in FB. But what of I had him blocked immediately we broke up? Would it hurt if I unblock him? I really have no interest in him obsessing over me,Im surely not going to see his stuff becausr I know better.