No Contact Annoymous – Share your struggles with keeping NC

@confusedbutok

I honestly think those women were right. When I had chased my ex in the past, it only boosted her ego and screamed that I was a safety net for her to fall back on. Yes, I was met with all the stereotypical “I’m not in love with you, I’ve moved on” one liners, but when I turned my back my ex would come running. Each time I was the one to take her back (ironic since she was always the one to leave). Difference this time is I’m not chasing and she has more support, though how great the support is becomes debatable.

I’ve had proven success before with my ex, again when we were just friends, when I turned my back and she chased after me. I think a boot to the head in terms of me turning my back this time is in order. Especially since she thinks I had the problems haha.

Do what you feel is best for you though. Each situation is different, but I think, as a woman myself, we feel more inclined to make decisions when we feel we’re making them and it’s our idea.

@confusedbutok

Shocking, I know, haha.

It depends on the approach I guess. When my ex and I were on breaks, she would often take the approach of complimenting me shamelessly in order for me to compliment her back. She would typically wear her best clothes when we’d meet up and would constantly be adjusting them… dead give away right there.

When she wanted to work things out, she’d go about it either in a very straight forward almost whiney manner (“I’m so miserable, I made a mistake! I’m so sorry! Can we work it out?”) or in an attempt to be cool and collected way like she had matured (“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I do miss you. I want to work things out if you still want to”). Usually when it was the latter she would bring it up after we had a fun day out and would get all deep and serious.

Now my ex is an odd one. She will try to switch up tactics in the way she speaks/acts in part I think to throw me off. Usually every time she’s come running has been because things did not go the way she had planned and I was a source of familiarity and stability. There’s a reason why over the past 5 years she’s moved out 3 or 4 times on breaks and broken up with me once before this time, only to come back. Whether she realizes it or not fully, she’s had a good thing going for her and I think that’s why she has always comes back. That need to have someone who gets you on a fundamental level, flaws and all, and is still happy to be with you.

The first time she contacted me in a very straight laced way tells me she’s trying to distance herself and not show concern for me, but the fact that she did reach out anyway is blatantly obvious. The second time with hoping I was doing as well as I looked on fb and making it seem like she wanted to have her things out of my way? Well, that is pretty cut and dry too. It sent a message of “I don’t want to be in your way, but you seem to be doing well and I want to see why.”

If my ex were to contact me out of the blue and say something like, I don’t know… “I rumped a sheep today in class by myself! Remember how I told you about sheep rumping?” I would know she’s looking for an ego boost. Why? Because she’s a tiny thing and rumping a sheep (sitting it on its butt) would be quite a feat for her as she’s had to have help in the past with it. I have no interest in sheep rumping and it would be a very random thing to say, so for her to bring it up would be a dead giveaway. She would expect me to say how strong and skilled she is and how far she’s come in her program.

I’d have to have some specific examples of what your ex is doing to be able to decipher intentions.

@Martin
Didn’t you do that already? I say just disappear at this point.

I’m not sure. What do you have in mind? I think you’re trying too hard and it could be detectable on her part.

I was going to apologies for being unfriendly in the afternoon. Call her by her friendly nickname. Quickly exchange a few words and end it. Try to have no more than 5mins.

Martin, when my ex contacted me about being in the hospital, I felt I came across as unfriendly and apologized for it later the next day. It made no difference and she claimed that she did not care how I put it. She all but ignored me after that.

Do what you feel is best, but be on the side of caution.

@Martin
Tread lightly you’re very well on the line of “he’s such a nice friend”

I’m telling you from experience especially for your age, being friendly and around will only motivate her to pursue other men.

This happened to me when I was 21 with a gf of 4 years. I did all the wrong things then would apology and say let’s be friends thinking it’d help my cause. She went from relationship to relationship to only reach out when she was single and giving me false hope. It was heartbreak every single time.

She even told one of her friends which relayed the message “if he had just left me alone I probably would have went back to him”

This is just one case but there’s a reason they advocate to not settle for being friends with an ex it just helps them move on while makes it miserable to the other person.