No Contact Annoymous – Share your struggles with keeping NC

@confusedbutok

before the conversation I kept my distance and she kept contacted me last. I think she wanted to connect with someone (she does have a new bf). By complimenting her a bit too much I might have gave her the impression and confidence that I am still into her.

I feel like I am losing now.

@Martin
Your only option is to move on.

Do NOT even consider doing the meet up and telling her how you feel. Stop feeding her ego.

If you want to maintain contact your only option is to be the unavailable, hard to reach friend who has a better life than hers and meeting/dating women.

Do not give her the impression that your life sucks without her. No woman likes that trust me. Even if you’re in a relationship. She can’t ever feel like she’s the reason you have a life.

@Martin
No offense but you aren’t ready to win her back. I can sense you’re in a desperate frame of mind because you’re too concerned with giving a false representation that you’re ok without her.

No scheming or twisting the truth will work in your favor. I promise you, if you’re truly in the mind sight of I can take it or leave it, you’ll do/say all the right things.

I suggest concentrate on letting her go. That’s the only way you’ll ever get her back n

Hey guys, just wanted to give a bit of an update and maybe some hope. I have been working with a personal relationship coach that’s well versed. Yes, I did it at first because I wanted my ex back, but even if it doesn’t happen I’ll be a better person and have more understanding of relationships. I also value as many sources of input before I do make decisions, especially if I’m not well versed in a certain subject.

Remember my situation where my friend told my ex things she should not have? I’ve been told it’s not really a “crisis.” It’s true. And I’ve come to realize it. I think we all tend to get sucked into moments of doubt and “oh s*it” times, but if we take a step back it’s not so bad.

So, course of action for my situation is to continue NC for a few weeks more. My ex has clearly not had enough time to recover, which is no small wonder as she wants to always stay busy. Below is a copy of part of my coach’s reply on course of action. My situation might be a bit different since I had been scarce since the breakup right off the bat and did not beg or plead this time. He said I needed to start being back in reach otherwise it’d be out the window.

“What I suggest is for us [my coach and myself] to wait a week or two from the time of that incident [friend telling ex stuff] in order to send your ex a clean slate message. For that clean slate message it would be more of briefly apologizing for what the situation and your actions and choices have made her feel, and how it is not of your intention to hurt her. Then proceed to stating briefly how you have discovered / re-discovered yourself and your passion since then and how you wish the same for her. Then ending it with hopes that you could speak, even amicably, again in the future.”

I want to continue a post, so I’ll be creating a new one under the “Not Your Ex” board in hopes of pulling us in a better direction. Stay tuned! 🙂

@ThePhoenix
My last in depth talk with my ex (before New Years) I pretty much did what your coach suggests.

I apologized and explained things and her response was “I need to think about seeing you again” which then the conversation fizzled out on a friendly note.

Couple days later I invited her to join me and my plans for New Years to which she nicely declined. Then a week later I was in her area and asked if she was busy and she again said she had plans. So it was then I said ok keep in touch.

There was no more reason for me to continue contacting her. So I feel I left things on a good note.

This is why I don’t think I’ll be the one to reach out first anymore as I feel I’ve done my part.

@confusedbutok

I think it’s more to let her know it’s all good in my case. Put the ball in her court and then for me to go about my way like I have been. There’s no more animosity on my end and it’d be a way for her to know cut and clear what my intentions were so they cannot be skewed. After that I will not be the one reaching out.

@Martin

I think we all have them more often than we’d like to admit lol. I understand where you’re coming from.

@ThePhoenix
Yeah that’s what I did. Talked it out apologized, dropped her defenses even though she puts them right back up if we don’t speak. But I left the ball in her court when I said keep in touch.

Nothing else I can do on my end. Even though sometimes I try to rationalize why I should contact her. But everything has been said. She knows how I feel. If anything she’s counting on me to continue chasing to help her move on and justify the break up. I keep reminding myself that.

I’ve been talking to some older women about my situation and they all say to not contact and let her. They promise me she will if anything but to get her ego boosted. They tell me they know how it works because they’re women and they hate when a guy just disappears. Makes them re-question their decision.