No Contact Annoymous – Share your struggles with keeping NC

@confusedbutok

I would not look into it too much. It’s more likely that she did not see anything that caught her interest online. I’ve done this a time or two to see if there were any girls in my area I’d be interested in going out with, only to find the well is quite dry. So many a profile deleted by that instance.

I’m sure she’s still got a lot of things going through her head. Remember the e-mail Kevin sent about consistency? Our exes have a lot of hard work to do to show they’re sticking to their guns and not being “crazy” by running back.

Well, from your last posts you said you were worried she wouldn’t reach out to you, right? She’s got to remain consistent with her decision to “not come back” (in her mind) so she doesn’t look crazy to her friends/family/the world, and herself more importantly.

When my ex and I had a falling out years ago as friends, she did not say a word to me for months. I came to find out later, after we were together in a relationship, that it was one of the hardest things she had to do. She wanted to reach out to me and talk to me because she knew she messed up and missed me terribly. She missed having her best friend because no one else really understood her, despite saying before our falling out that I did not know her/get her and that her other friends were better and genuine. But she was afraid to reach out and didn’t want to look crazy by caving. Granted, yes she did “cave” eventually, but it took time.

I guess what I’m trying to say is the exes with the “power” (in their minds) think they need to keep that power so they don’t slip up in their ways. It’s like an addict that is recovering: in the ex’s mind, we’re not good for them right now and while they more than likely want to reach out (get a dose), who would want to watch someone shoot up? It would be very much frowned upon and I’m sure would make the ex feel like they shouldn’t. They need to remain consistent.

I would agree with you there. My ex was very much about wanting to remain best friends, keeping in contact, etc. But her behavior is all over the place right now and the only times she’s tried to contact me have been very straight-laced. I know she’s easily influenced by others, and boy oh boy does she have a group that is hellbent on me being the bad guy. Again though, it’s not the first time she’s pulled stuff like this and had friends agree that I’m a bad person. Every time, running right on back because she realized she screwed up.

The majority of her new friends think she’s so sweet and the victim. It really is laughable. She tends to try to forge friendships because she wants to make others happy and not feel alone. She needs other people to need her so she can feel “happy” in return. There’s really not much substance to it and it dies out over time once she realizes she’s not happy and can’t make others happy… and on she’ll go to find greener pastures instead of fixing her own problems and making herself happy.

I understand and a lot of us seem to be in the same boat. Hell, my friend (who is about 14 years older than me and married btw) was taken back when I told her my ex felt I was too focused on our relationship. She said any decent person would probably kill to be in the place my ex was and that her views are skewed.

My ex is still connected via social media and I’m sure has been fb stalking, especially for her to say she hoped I was doing as well as I looked like I was on fb. I have not looked at her page once, but she still pops up on my friends list unfortunately. She’s looking awfully tired and emo these days as well, I might add. Despite that, I could be on fire and my ex would give me a courtesy of spitting on me, but not for the right reasons. I believe the only reason she checked up on me when I was in the hospital was to ease her guilt, but did not really care about me. It might be for the best that you’re not connected that way.

I wish we could share skype info and the like on here without risk of getting banned. I don’t get the e-mail notifications even though I select to have them. I almost feel like it would be better to be available to talk with others instantaneously instead of checking back to reply to posts.

I would advance with caution on that one. I wouldn’t say it makes you look creepy, as you explained things with being cool with her before. But to her it might seem like an attempt to get close to her via her friends. I’m still friends with my ex’s family and they have been blowing my fb up with likes and comments daily. I don’t have control over what they do, but I’m certain it still rubs her the wrong way (especially since my family doesn’t like any of her stuff in return– ouch!).

Lol, good move. I think we all just need a breather today. So, how has everyone’s day been?