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Thanks man. I do know that both of them are bad ideas…but I am afraid that she might be getting into the attachment stage of her new relationship. Since it has been 3 months my mates are more trying to close this chapter i think.
I am probably going to see how serious things get between her and her new bf..if it seems hopeless I will see what I need to do but I ofc I will ask your suggestion too. As if it comes to my relationship my head isnt clear and my heart is always wrong.
Patience is the key and it can also thicken the wall between us.
Ugh I got invited to dinner by a girl and it’s killing me on the inside. Making me miss my ex 🙁
@Martin You need to listen to confusedbutok here. You will.seriously be harming your chances of winning your Ex back.if you try to have that conversation with her.
I have seen my Ex have one rebound relationship that she told me about and perhaps another one. I have made.all the common errors. Since my last NC period ended on the last day of November I promised myself during the first week or so of false friendship that I would play it cool this time. My NC had finally given me the confidence that my Ex needs me perhaps more than.I need her. She reached out to me but I didn’t contact her until I was ready to speak to her. When I did speak to her she told me that she had ended her rebound relationship.
I have learnt the hard way that I can’t force things. I need to be fun, compliment her and reward her when she is nice towards me or.flirts with me. When I get frustrated or angry I must not react and instead allow each of us a little space for a few days.
I have had to accept that I may never win my Ex back and it does very much feel like we are in that very early stage of should we go on another date or not territory.
I need to be patient (not my best quality). In time we will see what happens and I’m cool with that.
@teamjordan12 It sounds like you know what you need to do. Good luck!
@Carmine828 You did well with the joke. 🙂 Now, you have to be patient and just let things play out. It’s good that he was friendly and joking.
@Martin That email…NO. Do you really want to tell your ex you haven’t been doing well? And let her call all of the shots going forward? Be careful, you don’t want to give away all of your power and look weak. I probably wouldn’t let that friend draft up any more emails, lol.I agree with you. I am going to go out of the radar. I think she is currently sleeping with someone at this very minute. I wont be mean to her and I will be kind to her but I will not contact her. If she wants to contact me she can freely do so; that said I will not be personal with her and make sure my life is unknown to her.
@confusedbutok Ohhh are you going? 😀
@Martin Ignore what I typed, I didn’t refresh the thread and see the other replies.I went to the grocery store today and almost brought back a new husband lol. I was getting seriously checked out but I’m so rusty when it comes to flirting I didn’t do anything. :/ I need practice.
I had a brief moment of weakness tonight where I caught myself thinking about my ex in a sad light. Fortunately for me, my mom’s mother-senses must have been tingling as she called me. I told her I hit a bit of a rough spot, but was working through it. A mutual friend spoke with me last night saying I should explain to my ex why I moved her things as my ex may have interpreted the relocation of her belongings in a negative way. My friend told me she probably reached out to me in the first place, having seen how well I’m doing, to see for herself as she might be wondering why? “Why is she doing so well without me? Why hasn’t she chased after me?” Etc
I sent a brief message last night to explain why I moved her things, so there would be no hard feelings, but kept it polite yet distant. I’m sure she’s seen it at this point, but has learned the sneaky way of checking her fb with the message not being marked as read <I’ve done this before as well>. Not a word, nor do I anticipate one about it.
I was fine until my dad sent me a fb message a few minutes ago:
“Mom told me you’re not feeling well- sorry to hear that. Please proceed with caution. I know your feelings are hurt, but you know <ex> has new friends and a new situation which distracts her. Also, she initiated this and I’m not sure how she feels about things anyway.Don’t go chasing, no matter how hard it is. Find something to do to keep yourself busy or call a friend (<friend name> maybe?). It just bothers me to think you would relent, get in touch with her, and find out she’s still not interested. I’m thinking you’re thinking more about her than she is about you. Stand tough. sweetie, you’ve already been hurt enough. Try to concentrate on other things. Love you.”
It was the last bit about me already having been hurt enough that did me in and brought me to tears. I think it’s knowing the pain my father feels for me that did it, as he’s been in the same situation before he met my mother. No sane parent wants their children to hurt, and skinned knees are easier to mend than skinned hearts. Make no mistake, I’m doing my best to move on. It’s just rough having been best friends for as long as we have been only for things to be the way they are now. I know it’s most likely temporary (as far as friends go), but still blows.
Well, just got a call from my friend. Apparently she took it upon herself to contact my ex saying I was still in love with her and wanted her back. Why she did this? I don’t know. My ex told her she has abandoned any hope of us for the future, complained that I focused too much on the relationship while we were together, and we both seemed to be in better places.
All things I needed to hear, but did not want to. Suffice to say I dodged a major bullet I think and will be moving on fully now without looking back, and will be going full NC from this point forward. When she comes running, and she will with time for whatever reason, she can bang at the door all she wants but I refuse to get put through her bullshit anymore.
Hope everyone else is having a better night than me.
@ThePhoenix
I’m sorry man. I don’t understand why your friend reached out to your ex and said those things because I’m sure that just gave your ex the confidence and reassurance that she can have you back at anytime thus making her say what she did.But if it helped you to know and to move on fully, that’s good.
I just got back from that dinner invite and it boosted my confidence. We actually talked about my ex and she told me pretty bluntly that she seems like a bottomless pit that’s always looking for a new guy to fill her voids in life.
But since I pushed her away I can’t help but still want her back so it still sucks.
@ThePhoenix Oh God, sweetheart, I’m so sorry that happened. You were already having an emotional night and now that. Your friend totally overstepped her bounds and shouldn’t have done that. Ugh, that’s rotten, the whole thing.
Your dad sounds like a good guy and it sounds like both him and your mom are supportive and care a lot about you. I think the advice your dad gave could apply to a lot of us here. Despite how much it hurts, I think you are being smart about moving forward. Hang in there. 🙁
Hang in there, phoenix. Everything will get better. Your friend shouldn’t have done that but now that you know that…stay strong!
I’m gonna be 2 weeks of NC tomorrow. My ex apparently is fine with her rebound (or not rebound) and most likely will stay like this. I still check her social media like an idiot and she still has comments and pictures related to me on her fb(not exactly pictures with me but pictures I took of her with some flowers i had given her and stuff). I need to move on, i guess and at least try and feel better. Also I already failed one module in university and i can’t fuck up more.
All it hurts even more knowing that I’m better than that new guy she found, at least im way better looking and i don’t wanna sound cocky.
Need to stop feeling so miserable, somehow.Phoenix:
What the hell she means by you focusing too much on the relationship? I wish my ex focused at least a little more in it and not on himself! The excuse is lame. I think that no matter what your friend said,if she really wants to go back she goes. If someone tells me hey Frank says he still loves you,I would think at least give it a chance. Probably you do well focusing on moving on.I know he does,he told me today,in a conversation we had texting after the rehearsal. He is hurt,and probably does not feel the same right now,but the same happened to me when i decided to break up. At least I got him to say he would think about giving us another chance. I have to be very careful this time because if I screw up it will be forever. I thank you all guys for your support! Anyway today I had readied up myself for anything,and if he said no way,I would take the highway and never look back. I have been 3 months already doing my part,done my mistakes but it was before I had found this site. I reaaally must not screw up or Im lost!
@confusedbutok @Sparky and @Nell
Thank you guys for your input! I really appreciate it. I think for now I am going to sit back and watch. Her new relationship is getting really serious fast; they are sleeping together now and seeing each other everyday. It has been approximately 12 days since they started dating. I am a bit tired of restarting NC over and over again, this time I broke it because she contacted me regarding the dissertation. During the convo I kept an assertive tone, complimented her if necessarily and made sure I was to the point and polite.
I am just going to continue my NC till 4th feb and see where it goes from there…most likely this NC would be indefinite. I wish there could be some hope.
I dont think it is a good idea to establish false friendship as she is dating someone. Some websites mention that if I stick around the rebound would work out.
Thanks everyone. I know I’ll get through it all and be better off. My friend is a good person and was only trying to help. She did not have any negative intentions. My parents are near saintly, as are the elders in the rest of my family in general. I come from good stock, so I know this is probably just one of those trying times that will help to shape me into an even better person like they are.
Here’s the deal @Carmine828
I had been working months on an engagement ring design after she came back the first time from a full on breakup. Having a strong interest in graphics design for a future career, I figured the best way to take the first step toward getting at least certified was to get back into the swing of designing. So, the ring was a perfect practice for it. My plan was to start going back to college this year for it, but guess she didn’t know that either. Anyway, I took it upon myself to design a ring that was perfect for her and have a jeweler in TX make it for me. I am absolutely terrible at keeping secrets/gifts that are for my now ex, always have been but this is the one time I was able to keep my mouth shut. Over the past few months, the idea of proposing was heavily on my mind and I suppose as a result of me trying my best to keep my mouth shut, I may have come across clingy. How? Well, shy of outright telling her my intentions, I’m sure my actions came out full and clear but were most likely misinterpreted. When we started to have problems and agreed we BOTH wanted to work things out, I sent the ring design in to be made thinking she was serious (about 3 weeks before the split). I at least dodged the bullet with this one with her bailing BEFORE I proposed. She has no clue about all of this and she will never know. $600 down the drain, but at least the guy let me out of the full price of 1.5k. It was to my understanding that the design was very well made and he’d be able to sell it to someone else, so there is that.
One of the last serious talks we had was about her emphasizing we were two individuals. Uh, dur? I told her we were a team though and we were a great one. We could get through anything. I suppose she took this again, as me being needy/clingy. Oh well, her loss!
I was her emotional tampon for the 2 years before we started dating. I was a rock for the vast majority of the crises in her life when we were dating. But looking back I can not think of one time she was ever really there for me when I needed her. She is a lost soul in the world. This much is very clear for her to have “astray” tattooed on her body and had the mentality that she was like a stray cat. Should have been a big red flag for me there, but I ignored it. Biology is a cruel mistress, but in the end I guess we’re all dumb animals in that department when love is involved.
So, once my stomach has decided to calm down this morning and I quit yarking, it’ll be time for me to continue about my life and get on with my day.
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