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Good video! I just finished up with some weight training so I feel better mentally. That video is the cherry on top for me! 🙂
Is the video suggesting that instead of thinking our exes won’t be back to instead believe they will? In terms of changing out thinking.
@Martin Sorry but I have been busy. I think that you done exactly the right things earlier. Did you get your Ex’s dissertation printed and bound for her? Did you speak to her this evening and how did it go?
I sometimes think that I am still giving too much time to my Ex. I am now two months in to a false friendship phase (my second attempt at this but first planned attempt – I wasn’t ready the time before) with her.I know that my Ex will not be ready to meet up with me until March at the earliest and each time that I feel angry or frustrated I back off and give each of us some space.
She has to take part in a court case in about 10 days time. Something that will be very traumatic for her and I always promised that I would support her on. I have also been supporting her young daughter by sending her Christmas and Birthday presents and trying to keep some kind of contact going. It’s not my Ex’s daughters fault whatever does or does not happen between me and her mum and I want her to feel like she is important and cared about whatever happens.
Sometimes think that I am being taken for a mug, but I don’t really believe that and even if I am being at least I can be proud of myself.
I believe if you’re taking the false friendship route you can’t be a “friend” you need to display attractive qualities while subtly pushing her away.
Don’t be a “girlfriend” don’t listen to her problems and try to solve them. Try giving off a masculine vibe in her life who’s not available whenever she tries to reach out.
I guess think about how guys act who are truly a woman’s friend and do the opposite because we all know those guys aren’t creating attraction within that girl like they might think they are.
@confusedbutok Nice video, thanks for sharing! Very true what he said. I think you bring up a valid point. I think in a way yes, it could mean that. If your thinking affects every aspect of your life and what actions you take, then the person who thinks their ex will come back and acts on that should be able to get their ex back. Whereas on the opposite end the person who feels they are a victim of the breakup and only thinks negative sad thoughts probably isn’t going to do anything to get their ex back or be able to attract them back. Kind of along the lines, if you think you’ll fail, then you’ll fail. Think like a winner and you’ll be a winner.
@Carmine828 I know exactly what you mean with the playing games and the hot and cold. Went through that with my ex, too. It’s exhausting. I’m sorry to hear that he didn’t do anything for you while you were ill. 🙁 That’s rough when you want to be cared for and he wouldn’t even take a day off.
@PJ Thank you for your words. You are exactly right. My ex, in the past has shown messages and things to his friends and they all made fun of me (red flag that I ignored). I’m sure he would do the same now and I don’t want that. I definitely don’t want to feed his already huge ego, haha! I’m working on being better but it’s always a struggle.What do you people do to not check your ex on social media? I dunno, but I still can’t stop myself from doing it and it’s kinda messing with me right now…
It’s gonna be 2 weeks of NC next monday though.
Archola:
Block it. From the moment we broke up i blocked it because i knew i would be torturing myself,and he would be spying on me, a thing he was angry about. He would not fix things,but was mad i blcked him and had this wonderful social life! He expects me to be miserable,which i am and he knows but i dont show.
@Archola I did the same as @Carmine828 and blocked it from the start. I had to block my ex and a few others. I eventually deactivated all of my accounts to keep myself from trying to check up and also to avoid all the questions I was getting after everyone found out we broke up. It was one of the best decisions I made post-breakup. It seemed to really bother my ex and he mentioned it in a couple messages, guess he wanted to keep tabs on me. It really helped with NC and also gave me a lot of space and privacy.
But, I don’t know if I can just block her. I don’t want her to think that I hate her or something,because I don’t…despite everything, i still can’t hate her. Or what if she thinks that I really want to forget her or something alike?
And to be honest, I doubt she ever checks me in there.
You don’t have to block her. I only did that to the people who wouldn’t leave me alone. I also don’t want my ex back either, so I wouldn’t recommend outright blocking your ex if you want to reconcile. You could just deactivate your own account for a while, kind of take a break from it. Most social websites give that option, so you can come back when you are ready. I know on fb for example, you can even set a timer and your account will reactivate itself after a set amount of time. Of course, you should do what feels right to you. 🙂
@confusedbutok I see what you’re saying but I read somewhere that “false friendship” uses the wrong terminology because being a friend is exactly what it is about. Of course you also need to set down boundaries, rewarding your Ex for good behaviour but not playing games and simply putting a little distance between yourselves when things are not running smoothly. Hopefully this distance will make her realise her own faults by herself and if it does not then you have to accept that you have been strong and done all that you could do for them.
I know that I create attraction still in my Ex. She has talked off her own back about meeting up with me and sharing cuddles later this year, about how much she cares for me and been extremely flirty on and off. I have had much time to muyself over the last few months. I think that she believes that I may have dated from pictures taken at Christmas parties and the like in January but I haven’t, I was just having fun. I think that she realised in November that I wouldn’t wait around forever. She ended a rebound relationship and made contact with me during my NC period. I still left it until I was ready to make contact with her and had prepared myself for an exam that I was sitting in early December.
I think that far too many people on here think that NC or LC on it’s own is the answer to winning their Ex back. It is not, it is simply about making yourself stronger and accepting that you may never win your Ex back. You are starting a new friendship/relationship from scratch almost and have to leave the past in the past. The REAL HARD WORK begins when NC finishes.
@Nell That’s what I done – deactivated my FB account during NC. I had wanted to for a long time anyway and have only started using it again due to work purposes. My use of all forms of social media took a nose dive last year.@confusedbutok Sorry the Christmas parties were in December not January.
Hey everyone,
I just spoke to my ex. We spoke for 13mins. I think she used the dissertation as an excuse for calling. I kept my cool and the conversation brief. She told me about her interview on Monday and I just gave her little self-assurance that she will do well. She needed the dissertation for the interview anyways.
She is dating someone but she is unaware that I know that. She could be just trying him.
In short she said she called to talk about the dissertation and to see what I am up to. Though most of it was about what we are up to.
I will email her dissertation tomorrow. Is there anything I should do to make her come back? She has pride.
One of our mutual friend told me that I need to open up to her and tell her how I feel. My ex has been talking to her about our breakup I think.
Do not open up to her and tell her how you feel. You two aren’t together so you treat her as someone new.
Opening up will only assure her she can have you whenever she wants and thus push her into seeing that guy and possibly others.
Truth is she knows how you feel. Now she needs mystery and to wonder if you still care THAT much. At this point you need to be indifferent about your feelings to her. Take it or leave it attitude. It’s up to her to chase you and make you want her again.
Of course unless she blatantly comes out and says I miss you, I love you, let’s give it another chance. Even if that happens you can’t seem too eager. Let her earn your respect again. Remember she kicked you to the curb essentially. Just act out of self respect.
These are my thoughts at the moment:
She has a bit too much pride to just come to me like that…especially after having been mean to me during the early breakup stages. (She feels guilty about that.)
She is in a relationship at the moment and she won’t end it unless she knows for sure I will take her back.
When I spoke to her earlier, I did not show a lot of care and kept my self a bit distant. I did compliment her to give her confidence for the interview and she complimented me back.
Her voice gave me a feeling that there is something stirring…or maybe I am just overthing.
Since she is dating someone I do not want to give her the confidence that I available as her fallback.
Not sure what do to. :S
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