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Posts
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@ThePhoenix I think you did yourself a massive favor by removing her things to your parents. Makes the process of her getting it back super easy with little involvement from you, that’s awesome. I think what you eventually messaged her sounds the best. I’d also like to hear about your past walking away experience if you feel inclined to share.
@confusedbutok I love Corey’s videos. I like that he doesn’t bs and tells things straight. They really helped me during early NC, when I was wanting to constantly message my ex. I’d think about when he says to walk away. Great stuff.@ThePhoenix I completely agree with you. And that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m just trying to not think much about this. Sometimes I try to convince myself that she is in a serious relationship and that it’s not a rebound. I don’t know. Maybe if it was a rebound, would it be over by know? They are together almost 2 months already.
I miss her, I love her…but I lost hope, I guess.
Alright, here’s the story but it might be kind of long.
She came into my life like a hurricane my senior year of high school. As I’ve said before, I’ve known her since about the time we were in 3rd grade and throughout the years our paths would cross. We easily became close friends and it seemed like in no time at all, I had fallen for her. Unfortunately for me, she was with someone else. This particular person did not treat her well at all and she was essentially a trophy girl for him. I tried to keep my feelings for her to myself, but after some time I confessed them to her. As time went on, she became more open to the idea of being with me, but had to test the waters a few times. We had a bit of a falling out for awhile and I stopped all communication with her, telling her when she matured a little she knew where to find me.
After a few months, she came to me and apologized for the falling out and asked if we could hang out after work (we worked at the same place at the time). I was a little hesitant, but said sure. We went to her place after work and she ended up getting me drunk and kissing me, then running from the room immediately afterward leaving me shellshocked. Supposedly this was all during a break with her ex. She eventually returned to her ex though and I was crushed, but determined. I did the usual, “I’m not going to get in between you and so-and-so, but I do feel if you actually took a chance on me you’d be better off and happier.” It came to the point where I eventually grew tired of waiting around and hoping and said what will be, will be. I turned my attention back to myself.
At this time 2 years had passed since I told her how I felt. I told her I was done trying to chase after her and that I’m letting go. I wished her the best of luck with her ex, but beseeched her to try to be happy because that’s all I wanted for my best friend.
Within a month or so, Halloween came up and I told her how I would always help decorate my parents house and help hand out candy/dress up all spooky like. She was very interested and asked if she could join me– I said sure. So we got all dressed up and did our thing. The entire time she kept trying to take the mask I had on off, but my dad would always come out about that point and she’d stop, saying she was just fixing it for me. After we shut down for the night, we both were sitting on the porch swing talking and she leaned over and kissed me. Again, shellshocked as she was the first person to ever kiss me and I was NOT expecting it. She teased me a little and said something to the effect of “You’re not going to kiss me back?” before kissing me again (which I returned).
She told me she had broken up with her ex and was ready to give me a shot, if I still wanted to be with her. We just let things happen, and looking back they happened way too fast. I’m also not so sure she had fully broken it off with her ex as I was at her place one night when he called and she had to reiterate that it was over, but this poor guy wanted desperately what he neglected.
I think that may be part of the reason we had so many problems over the years, the things happening so far, or more specifically she had problems (I couldn’t really find any fault that could not be worked out).
So once more, I’m walking away from things. It won’t be easy, especially since I actually did have an intimate relationship with her, but she’s made it clear she does not have time for a relationship and lost interest. I understand that this is her last chance to get through school in the area as she’s in a specialized program. I did let her know the day after the breakup that if she had told me honestly that she needed time apart and wanted to move out, I would have agreed with her and we probably could have worked things out. I also told her I would not be getting involved with her again until after she was out of school as I did not need it held over my head (her family pressured her a lot about school and I seemed to be a problem in their eyes I believe). When I asked my now ex about us in the future, she said she did not know and could not think about it right now, but was hopeful for it.
Like Martin pointed out earlier, I think she just needs time and space. In that time, I need to get myself back and do my own thing and hope she’ll grow and mature as well.
There were also times that she moved out briefly on breaks, usually lasting a week or two. Sometimes I chased, other times I did not. She always came back though because she was miserable (and realized her mother was manipulative and trying to control her life). The last time we actually broke up, over this past summer, she had started to warm up to me again and I made the mistake of pressuring her. I had gone on vacation and she was incredibly flirty and chatty with me, but when I came home she was distant. I told her she either needed to get in the pool or not, because dipping her toe in wasn’t going to make it any easier. That was a mistake looking back on it, but she came back then too. This is the first time I’ve done strict NC and have not chased since we were together.
@Nell Thanks. I had originally thought she might try to use the fact that she left her things here as an excuse to move back in/come check on me as she’s done it before. That’s why I moved them out the day after Christmas. I also had to have her mail forwarded on my on dime.I know I’m a great person and my ex really did have a great thing going for her and had more love and care than she has in her lifetime. I’m sure she’ll realize this in time. Sometimes people just need space to re-evaluate things and grow. She seemed very confused as to what she wanted in our relationship at the end as she would say we’re like an old married couple that never did anything, but when I tried to take her out she didn’t really want to or “didn’t have time.” That was probably one of the biggest phrases she used the past year or so. I know she wanted to try to work things out originally, but she forced things when we tried to have a date night and when she went to her family, they said to move on and focus on school.
So here I am. I’ve lost a lot of weight by eating right and exercising(down to 143lbs, 17.1% body fat, 35.8% muscle mass; highest weight was 170 and I’m about 5’6.5), I’ve been doing things I enjoy that make me happy, I going to counseling regularly (though I’ve been told by my counselor I don’t need to be there honestly), reading lots of self help books, eating better, done activities I have not done in years, and have gotten back to having an abundance mentality vs scarcity. I let her bring out the bad in me toward the end, but now I’m back on the true path of myself.
Sorry to intrude.
A bit of urgency.
My ex just texted me.
Hi (my name)…. How are you doing? I’m just getting in contact because I am trying to find my dissertation. If you remember where you stored my laptop contents, it would be really helpful.How should I reply?
I have her dessertation copy. So I can helpher…just find it rude she said she is just getting contact to find her dissertation.
I was think of replying like this:
Hi (ex), I doing well. I might have a copy of your dessitation stored somewhere but I am really busy lately. When would want it by?
Does replying to this mean I am breaking no contact?
@confusedbutok and @ThePhoenix
Any thoughts?
It’s a good reply but are you really busy? That part sounds a bit forced. Just reply normally don’t put much thought into it.
And if she contacted you first I wouldn’t say it breaks NC especially if it’s something she needs from you pertaining to school etc
Good reply, but I’m questioning the busy thing as well. If you’re not, don’t lie about it. Send her a copy of it. You wouldn’t want her to suffer in school and I’d be willing to wager she’ll certainly remember you doing this favor/kindness for her down the road.
@archola I could not say for certain, just as you cannot say for certain. I think we all miss our exes, that goes without being said. But at the end of the day, the only sure guarantee we have is ourselves. It’s always been that way and always will be. Try to shift your focus to better things. I’d say at this point we’re all friends here and we care about what one another is going through. I choose to look at this in a positive light because I like meeting new people and helping others. It gives me a chance to exercise myself emotionally and grow more.
Before I was with my ex, I can remember her being with a boyfriend in high school (who turns out, was abusive in just about every way). She was forced into a position where if she did not do what he wanted, there would be consequences… and dear lord I can remember them being out in the hallway every day making out hardcore. I can remember rolling my eyes along with all of my classmates as we’d walk by going to class, but at that time we did not know the entire story. When her previous ex just got out of the picture, I can remember being very upset thinking about all she did with him when he was such an unfavorable person. I got past it. I’ve heard through the grapevine my ex may be with a rebound, but so what. It’s not my business anymore. If I sit and worry and fret, it does not go me any good.
Try to do 3-4 things at once to hold your focus. I know it helps me a lot. The mind can only do 3-4 things at one time, unless you’re a disciplined monk or something, haha. For me, breathing in and out through my nose while trying to focus and feel my heartbeat does it. If it helps, put your hands over your chest while doing it… you’ll find it awfully hard to think about bad things when your mind is busy.
@confusedbutok and @ThePhoenix
How about this?
Hi Ex. I doing well, how about you? I might have a copy of your dissertation stored somewhere. When would you want it by?
Thank you guys for helping me out.
Sounds good to me!
Thank you so much!!
I have sent it but I have not got a delivery report yet which is weird.
Might use whatsapp to resend if problem still pertains.
Hey @Martin, you’re welcome! 🙂
I hope my story helped a little. If you have any more questions, please let me know. I’ll try to cut down on the wall of text though lol.
Just went on another date with someone off okcupid. It’s not helping at all. Makes me miss my ex more and more.
I don’t understand how it doesn’t have the same affect for her. I mean maybe it is but when I leave these dates the temptation to contact her is almost irresistible. Wish it was the same for her.
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